The best part of this video is that every single one of them speaks in complete monotone. It's kind of disconcerting when they're trying to tell you how much they love fun. Some select quotations and photos, for those of you who can't watch videos at work (my commentary is in blue):
"I'm not having fun doing this."
"Hi, my name is Mike, and if you're sitting there, watching this tape, smoking your cigarette, press the fast-forward button, because I don't smoke, and I don't like people who do smoke."
"I'm a fashion photographer. And just, sugar, and spice, and all those things that are nice."
"I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman, is a woman, is any woman, is all women..."
"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a woman healthy, wealthy and wise...that's why you're wiser than me. It's Steven! I'm looking for a trendy girl with a simple smile, wait, it says here, oh, excuse me...vivacious, foxy, a figure that is sexy, slim, tight, excellent legs."
"Hi, I'm Maurice, I'm an executive by day, and a wild man by night. I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to mess your hair up a little when I take the top down." -Wild was pronounced "w-hild," the way Stewie says "whip" on Family Guy.
"Hi, I'm Monroe. You've probably already noticed that I have incredibly blue eyes." - Actually friend, they look pretty dead and brown to me...also: "I like to wear bright socks, and I'm an avid Clevela-Cleveland Browns fan." - Bright socks? Craaa-zy!
"Hi, my name is Phil; most of my friends call me Big Phil." - Oh Irony...
"Hi, I'm Fred! I'm really looking for somebody I can feel special about. I don't encounter people like that often, and I'm hoping you're one of them!" - I bet you don't Fred, I bet you don't...
"I am a 25-year subscriber to both Playboy and The New Yorker magazine." - Does he look strangely familiar to anyone else?
"At night, I operate a Damsel in Distress hotline, I guess you could call me a knight!"
"No fatties, no hamsters, no dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics, no Donna Juanitas, no poseurs, no crazies..." - WTF is a "Hamster" in dating terminology?
"Life's a playground, and I want someone to play with..."
"I'm interested in most phases of data processing." - And this is why no one likes ginger boys...
"Cause I really have a zany sense of humor." - I'm sorry friend, but the only thing "zany" about you is that god-awful ginger hair.
"Hi, I'm Maurice, I'm an executive by day, and a wild man by night. I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to mess your hair up a little when I take the top down." -Wild was pronounced "w-hild," the way Stewie says "whip" on Family Guy.
"Hi, I'm Monroe. You've probably already noticed that I have incredibly blue eyes." - Actually friend, they look pretty dead and brown to me...also: "I like to wear bright socks, and I'm an avid Clevela-Cleveland Browns fan." - Bright socks? Craaa-zy!
"Hi, my name is Phil; most of my friends call me Big Phil." - Oh Irony...
"Hi, I'm Fred! I'm really looking for somebody I can feel special about. I don't encounter people like that often, and I'm hoping you're one of them!" - I bet you don't Fred, I bet you don't...
"I am a 25-year subscriber to both Playboy and The New Yorker magazine." - Does he look strangely familiar to anyone else?
"At night, I operate a Damsel in Distress hotline, I guess you could call me a knight!"
"No fatties, no hamsters, no dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics, no Donna Juanitas, no poseurs, no crazies..." - WTF is a "Hamster" in dating terminology?
"Life's a playground, and I want someone to play with..."
"I'm interested in most phases of data processing." - And this is why no one likes ginger boys...
"Cause I really have a zany sense of humor." - I'm sorry friend, but the only thing "zany" about you is that god-awful ginger hair.
"Type A, I'm not, comfortable, caring, and serious about a relationship, I am." -Okay, Yoda...
"And I do consider myself a refined valllley duuude. Are you that woman? If so, pleeease give me a call."The guy below is the only one who would've been able to steal my heart, were I cruising these dating videos back in the day...you know, minus the balding.
Seriously though, check out his stats, he's tall, blonde, and enjoys sailing, dancing, and adventure. Too bad he's probably a downtrodden middle-ager by now...sigh.
Dear life,
Thank you for the invention of YouTube.
Love always,
Christine
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