Wanted: Lion Cub and/or Midget Friend

So, for those of you not following my obnoxious photo tweets about Bradydog, etc. on Twitter...the little guy was here last week and brought much joy and laughter into the lives of all who had the pleasure of running into him on the mean streets of Boston. There were playdates with Zeke and Olivia, trips to school, whole afternoons spent in the park...really, it was the highlight of this entire city's November. Sadly, I had to return him to my parents after a few days and it was truly a devastating loss...not just for me, but for Massachusetts as a whole.

While desperately searching for a way to remedy the situation, New Roomie Kate came up with an ingenius idea. Ready for it?

Befriend/hire a midget, excuse me, "little person," clothe him in a lion costume, and return home every night to his wagging little tail and smiling face! Incredible, right? We have determined that peeing when meeting new people is optional. Authenticity is nice, but no one reeeally enjoys cleaning up urine...trust me, I would know. In addition to being a lovable ball of joy and wonder at all times, we would expect said Little Lion to morph into a cleaning and organizing machine whenever we leave the apartment...you know, the way that stuffed animals totally come to life as soon as you leave the room.

For their services, we would house them in a lovely plastic crate, with the option to upgrade to the foot of my bed after a 3-month trial period. The starting pay is 3 milkbones and two meals per day, with a negotiable bonus of one chew toy and/or soup bone for each time they are required to come to the bar and wrangle our drunk selves. Two chew toys if they have to chaperone us while we sleep so we don't throw up on our laptops...just saying, it's a possibility.

So, if you know any little people and/or small children looking for a yob in these uncertain times, or simply looking to scratch and lick their way to being this happy,

Sweatshirt not included with offer.

then please direct them to this blog, and remind them that like ibankers circa 2004, they should look beyond the initial salary, as they'll be earning at least half of their income in (drunk patrol) bonuses.

Until the next post...

XOXO - Christine