In honor of JShore 2, premiering this Thursday!

So, my good friend Lee totally spotted the Jersey Shore crew filming season 3 in Seaside Heights this weekend, and I am BEYOND jealous, though perhaps this will make up for it....


Jesus I love these crazy kids...

XOXO - Christine

Tom & Jerry

So, as I mentioned in a recent post, Tom (which I guess makes me Jerry), has reappeared in my life as of late, which reminded me that I never told all of you about our second run-in at Shaw's...oh yes my friends, there was indeed a second wrinkle in the story.

Brief summary of the saga up until run-in #2 for those of you who missed the entire thing:

Last December, I went out with a boy named Tom from Match.com, and we had the best date of all time. We met up and had dinner at the Lower Depths before going to The Script Concert at the House of Blues, after which we shut down Jillian's. During the two weeks following the date, Tom and I chatted pretty much daily, and he told me that he was excited to hang out again. And....then he fell off the face of the earth.

I was furious, but eventually got over it...until I ran into him when I was grocery shopping with Ali. We talked for a bit, worked things out, and he told me that he'd begun exclusively dating a girl that he started seeing around the time we met. After a bit, we decided to part ways, and he told me that he was "happy that the lines of communication were now open."

A week or two later, I shot him an email thanking him for recommending a website to me (universalhub.com), to which he never responded. Seething mad and feeling duped, I waited a week and then sent him a text message saying, "Glad to see you were so sincere about keeping in touch..."

The very next night, Ali and I found ourselves back at Shaw's, and imagine who I looked up to find right in front of me in the produce section? Yup, you guessed it.

I looked him in the eye and before he could say anything I (basically) yelled, "Hey Ali, this is the boy who doesn't know how to respond to emails!"

He looked at me blankly and then shouted back, "You don't know my life!!"

If our words had been silverware....haha

At this point, Ali took it upon herself to leave the banana section of the store and let us hash it out ourselves. As it turns out, Tom and his girlfriend had traveled to Portsmouth, NH, the weekend before to celebrate Valentine's Day and had nearly died in a freak carbon-monoxide accident at the hotel. Sadly, their relationship had not survived the incident...

Like last time, we talked for a little while, and when we were done, he said, "who knows, maybe I'll facebook friend you." I said sure, but didn't really believe it would happen after our last run-in and what he'd said about wanting to keep in touch, so I brushed it off and felt good about our "encounter" as what it was, just a chance run-in that provided some answers.

Cut to a few weeks ago, when I opened up my gmail to find a friend request from the man himself. Since then, we've spoken a few times and reminisced about the lovely times we spent verbally sparring in the checkout line/produce section. The other night, I needed his take on my date from last week (more on that in the next post), and gave him a call. He provided me some excellent insight, and then told me something fascinating...

Apparently, his younger sister had a radio show in college (she graduated this past May) and after we went on our date, he sent her a link to my blog. After the first Shaw's incident, she had two comedians on her show, one of whom is a (likely) closeted gay guy, and they did a dramatic reading of my initial blogpost about Tom. He told me that they'd actually asked for my contact info so they could have me call into the show and ask me random questions, as some form of character study, but he told them it would be a) too invasive and b) too fresh since the incident had JUST happened. I'm not gonna lie, I wishwishwish he'd caved to them, because I would have LOVED that.

Anyway, it's great to be on not only speaking terms, but actual "I need your advice, call meeee" terms with both Tom and Jim. I feel like as much shit as I've put myself through in the past few years, in terms of loving and dating in the city, I've managed to surround myself with a great group of friends, and some former love interests, who seem to always have my back, and I really think that's no small feat. When things happen in my life, especially with regard to guys, I tend to have a lot of very strong emotions (anger, sadness) for a few days, during which I lean heavily on my support system, and then I'm over it. This is something that you'll see evidenced in the next post, in which I discuss my date from last week...

Back in a few.

XOXO - Christine

Jacob Black, still a WILF...

Hey friends! Hope you guys all had lovely fourth of July weekends! I spent some time with my extended family in Maine and then a few days with family friends at my lake house. All in all, it was a really fun and relaxing weekend.

Upon my return to the city, Ali dragged Lauren and I, kicking and screaming (okay, so maybe we went willingly...), to see Twilight: Eclipse. As someone who's pretty anti-Twihardness as a whole, I have to say, I very much enjoyed it, though I think that was mostly due to a certain werewolves expertly sculpted abs...behold the glory:

Oh heyyyyy...

That's interesting, these jorts actually extend past his knees....could they be...real, live jeans?

The fact that I don't even like super ripped guys in real life is a testament to how dreamy Taylor Lautner's become since his early brush with stardom as a member of the rival family in "Cheaper by the Dozen 2." Oh yeah, I went there.

Honestly though, I still don't understand why anyone would pick Edward over Jake. I mean, forget the guys themselves, and let's focus on their families for a second. Sure the Cullens glitter in the sun, but they don't seem like very much fun, what with their errant visions and constant vigilantism. The werewolves on the other hand...now they're my kind of people. Bonfires, ghost stories, and running willy nilly through the woods? Morphing from hot, tan menfolk to big, beaslty werewolves? Sure trumps Edward, who seems to just morph from a glittery emo kid to even more of a pasty pansy.

Anyway, if you're a lady (or the gay), then I highly recommend you go see this cinematic "masterpiece" asap, if only to gawk at TayTay for two glorious hours and, you know, see what all of the hype is about. Go HERE if you'd like to read last November's review of/reaction to "New Moon," with even more pho-tos of this hottiehothottie.

Enjoy!

XOXO - Christine

I love my life, slash I am awesome 2.0

FYI, I am shitfaced. This is what happens when you meet up with your friends at 7PM for some $3 per drink triple-fisting action.

Things I have done/realized in the past four hours:

I drank 4 Coors Lights and then remembered that I am awesome (Editor's Note: Don't worry, I never actually forgot that I was, but the degree to which I am a ridiculous human being just happened to hit me around this time).

I may or may not have hit on a member of the Babson class of 2011. In my defense, he was wearing plaid and looked at least 23. (Editor's Note: This was a pretty hilarious exchange. He was wearing a plaid shirt and was furious that I called it flannel. He then proceeded to make a random girl and I pet it, tricking us into hitting on him. Cool times.)

I FB chatted like 17,000 (okay, three...) people and uploaded a bunch of awesome photos after taking down many beers and talking on the phone with Tom of Script fame about our respective new jobs. (Editor's Note: FYI, Tom friended me the other week and we've been chatting occasionally, mostly because we're in the same field and partly because we always did have great talks. Apologies for not mentioning this sooner. Also, Jim and I had a lovely convo and I'm glad to see that we can be friends.)

Today was awesome and I am beyond excited to spend the next two months prepping for the fall, hanging out with my friends, and enjoying the gorgeous weather. Things are good, and despite the craziness of the past year, I'm happy and pretty thrilled about life in general.

Jesus I'm a great speller when I booze, slash ALL the time haha. I'll be back tomorrow to post some pre-fourth of July items. Have a lovely night my little loverfriends!!!

XOXO - Christine

Summertime = Awesome!

So.....I won't be posting any life updates today because my best married man friend, Odd Job, just called and invited me to this afternoon's Sox game! I haven't seen him in forever, so I'm pretty pumped, especially considering how ready he looks for some awesome Sox action:

Love it. Will tweet some photos from the game, but until then, and until tomorrow, kisses for all of you and get out there and enjoy the beautiful weather!!

XOXO - Christine

Life is good today....

So.....I officially have my masters degree. Yay me. In order to celebrate, I am going to get rip-roaring drunk tonight and try not to make any inappropriate phone calls or make out with any half-black gangster wannabes at the bar. Because, you know, that's never the goal.

In that spirit, here is a verbatim conversation that Anna and I just had regarding this weekend:

Anna: I don't want to go out.
Me: That's fine, but do you want me to throw some champ on ice for you?
Anna: But why? I don't want to go out.
Me: Well, I dunno, I mean, I'm crushing PBRs...
Anna: Why?
Me: I don't know, because I had a long week, the Bruins are on, and I need to celebrate getting my masters...?
Anna: Wait, but I thought we were going out tomorrow night!?
Me: Yeah, I'm going out both nights. Summer Christine is back baby!
Anna: Oh god...OOOH GOD.

And in honor of these momentous occasions (graduating; return of fun me) I give you the Zac Brown Band, because this how I feel right now, minus the fact that the Bruins and the Flyers are currently tied.

Love the PBR shout-out! Hope you all have magically awkward and/or hilariously fun Friday nights!!

XOXO - Christine

The Break-Up Breakdown

Heyyyyy friends!

I hope everyone had as wild a weekend as I did...but that's probably not where I should begin, now is it? I know you're all just dyyyying to hear about my love life, especially since I went dark for a week without any word on the Jim situation.

So, where're we at, you ask? Short answer: In a much better place. Long answer: Brace yourself, it's complicated.

When I last left you friendlies, I hadn't heard from Jim since the break-up phone call heard 'round the bar, and was fully preparing myself for the inevitable vanishing act to follow. Thankfully, he finally contacted me later that night (via text) to say that he'd definitely like to meet up mid-week to talk things out and that he'd call me the following day.

Wednesday night rolled around, and after the longest day of all time, I made the drive over to his house. We went upstairs to talk, and I think we were both glad that we'd had a few days to think things through. He apologized for telling me on Friday night that we had "no chemistry" and said that he had been angry with me for posting La Roux's "Bulletproof" video on facebook, because it seemed to be directed entirely at him. I admitted that we had moved to fast; spent too much time together from the beginning. I said I was sorry for letting us get into a rut so soon, and explained that I hadn't been giving him my best me.

In the end, we decided to take a no contact break for 2-3 weeks, and then we can go from there. My fear is that he'll throw himself back into the dating game, meet another girl, and do the exact same thing to her in his quest to get over the hurt from his last break-up. I told him as much, and that my hope is that we'll both take this time to regroup. I need to get back to being my normal, fun, non-stressed self, and he needs to get over his ex-girlfriend and back to a place where he's ready to open up again.

Post-talk, I ventured downstairs where I bumped into his parents, who I'd really gotten to know during our brief courtship. I felt as though they deserved a proper goodbye, so I told them that we were taking a break, and that I didn't know if I'd be back. I thanked them for having me in their home, at which point they both bear hugged me while his dad called me "kiddo" and his mom patted my back and said, "we'll see, we'll see!" Definitely a bit of a bittersweet moment.

Jim walked me out, gave me a big hug, and said that drunk texts and dials would be forgiven, which is good for everyone since we both made that mistake this past weekend.

Speaking of the weekend...I had a wild time on Saturday night when a big group of us went out for Ali's birthday party at JTree.

For those of you who haven't been, it's a sports bar type of situation upstairs, with a sketchy sketch sketch dancefloor downstairs. We began the night on the upper level, where I actually ran into The Cop, before moving to the club level below as the night wore on.

I took down my fair share of Coors Lights and managed to black out pretty hard, but not before dancing around a pole and taking 1,000 awkward photos with my friends, including a very classy kitchen floor photo shoot with Kate.

It was definitely nice to get crazy and let loose with my friends after being so lame for all of January and February, and I feel like I'm getting back to being myself more and more every day. So, we shall see...until then, I love you all and I will be back here blogging again soon!

XOXO - Christine

(603): Soooo, I was just dumped. Via Phone. At Grand Canal. As a violinist was walking by serenading people. FML.

Well hello there friends! I haven't seen you in what, a month now? I apologize for disappearing without warning, but I desperately needed a month off to get my life together and figure out where things were going with the new boy I mentioned last time. And where did things wind up going? Say it with me now...fuckin' NOWHERE. (For the full effect, read that Bobby-style, with less bitterness and a lil more Boondock Saints.)

Yes friends, that's right, I was unceremoniously dumped this past Friday night in pretty spectacular fashion.

Which brings us to Friday night...

I got home from school around 7 and prepped myself to rage with Ali, Natasha, and Flores down at The Landing. When I finally arrived, the place (a roped in area on the aquarium pier) was packed with people I know. I immediately began double (okay, triple) fisting and having a blast with Dave, Greg, CJ, Boston Dave, Dan, Evan, Sean, Justin, Ali, Natas, Flo, and about a dozen other friends and friends of friends.

As the night went on, the group thinned out and eventually it was down to about ten of us, who decided to make the trek over to Grand Canal. Not sure if you guys remember iPhonegate 2009, but the point is that horrible things usually happen to me at Grand Canal, but I love it regardless. We began walking over, but then Dan decided that "private equity doesn't walk, private equity cabs it," so we wound up squeezing 7 of us into a cab, at which point I heard Jim's ominous ringtone (the beginning to "Shipping up the Boston").

I picked up and told him that I'd call him back when I got to the bar, which I then did from the patio out back. We talked for a half an hour or so and the conversation went from him telling me to go have fun with my friends, to me asking him what was wrong, to us breaking up and me crying at the bar. The part that makes this hilarious? Try the fact that the street violinist from my neighborhood walked by at this very moment to serenade all of the drunk couples. It was a dramatic moment fit for Lifetime, and I couldn't stop laughcrying because of it. And then...I hung up the phone, went back into the bar with a brave face on, accepted pity drinks and hugs, and danced my face off.

Post-Grand Canal, a bunch of people came back to my apartment to hang out and play some beirut until 4:30 or so. Dan and I teamed up to take on Boston Dave and his lady friend, and I honestly had the best beirut game of my life, sinking nearly every shot and finally winning it for us when we were down to one cup each and they'd hit our cup. One bounce shot later and we were clearly the champions. The night finally ended when Boston Dave broke a kitchen chair and the cold champagne ran dry.

The next morning, I talked to my best friend from high school, Catherine, for an hour or so and she gave me some really excellent perspective on the situation. Based on what I'd told her about this new relationship, it was clear to her that I liked him, but that the intensity of my liking was magnified by how well he treated me, since I haven't had that in a very, very long time. I've done a lot of thinking, and I recognize that she's absolutely right. Do I like him as a person? Absolutely. Did I cry when he ended things? Definitely. Was I mourning the loss of the constant affection as much as I was sad about him choosing to remove himself from my life? Yes, for certain, and that was the point she really drove home for me.

Anyway, midday tears and phone convos done, I Derby'd myself up and headed over to Toppers to meet my friends. If you recall, last year I actually went to the Derby and had the most amazing/awkward time of my life. This year was no different, minus the fact that instead of blacking out and awkwardly hitting on Greg, I was semi-sober and had to keep tabs on his drunk ass so he wouldn't die in the streets of Boston. Natasha wound up buying a spectacular Derby hat and we made our way over to Game On. The weather was gorgeous (somehow better than it was in Louisville itself), and we had a blast. Natasha even managed to win a prize when she bet on SuperSaver, the winning horse! It was a great time...until Ali almost choked some girl out for being a bitch. Oh Ali and her rage...

After Game On, we mosied over to Kings to meet up with Goob and Karen (Koob) for his old roomie's bday party. During said moseying, Ali was still bent out of shape about the girl in the ugly orange dress and kept threatening to serve her Boston tap water as revenge (for those of you who aren't from here, we had a massive water main break and we're not supposed to drink the water, Mexico-style). Everyone was dragging a bit while we were there, so the girls and I wound up leaving. Ali and Lauren peaced out and Natasha and I went on the longest walking tour of Charlestown ever to meet Greg at Tavern on the Water.

When we showed up, Greg was in rare form (not so rare for him) and looked like a very preppy and yet disheveled homeless man, a trend that should soon catch on and be known as "laid off day trader." He convinced us to head back to my building to hang out with the boys upstairs, which we then did. A beer later, and we were on our way to Good Life, with an incredibly racist, youtube sensation aspiring cabbie at the wheel.

Here, our group split up because several of us looked inside at the clientele and couldn't justify paying $20 a head to hang with pure sketchiness. Off to Bell we went, where Natasha "knows people" and was able to get us in without a cover, complete with an escort through the kitchen and up the back stairwell. Finally, the night was coming to a close when I got a call from BDubs. We wound up hanging out and he managed to not pee in any inappropriate locales, so that was a huge bonus.

So, in summation of my weekend:

- Friday was a shitshow (it always is when Dan and Dave are in the mix) and I still managed to have the time -and best beirut game- of my life, despite being dumped pretty spectacularly.

- Saturday night involved Game On, Kings, Tavern on the Water, my apt, Good Life, and Bell. Saturday night also involved BDubs, Greg, and many of my other favorite people. Good time = guaranteed, lack of clean water in Boston be damned.

- Today shall be full of golf (or more appropriately "whiffs" in my case) and a BBQ at Karen's in Southie. Do I have a lot of school work to do? Yes. Will it get done? Eventually. But for now, I just need to hang out with my friends and get back to being my normal, happy, single self.

So, that's where I'm at. I just want to give a huge thank you to my friends who were there for me this weekend and who stayed up with me both nights so I wouldn't have to be alone in my apartment while Kate's in Ireland. I already know that I will be fine, but that doesn't make this, or the prospect of getting back out there, any easier, especially after the awful year I've had dating-wise. Love you all, and I will be a more diligent blogger going forward now that I'm almost done with school. Okay, time for me to go lace up my golf shoes and hit the driving range with Karen, Goob, and Natas...have a wonderful Sunday afternoon everyone!

XOXO - Christine

Sorry for partying...

Hi friends!

So remember how I previously discussed my barriers to being a better blogger? And my first issue listed was the condo renovation? Well, we're slowly but surely making progress! Here are some photos from before and during the construction:

Old view from the kitchen...boo.

New view!

Which comes courtesy of the closet demo above.

Awkward bar/closet situation (don't even get me started on that decor).

Gone, along with the carpet.

I seriously can't wait until I have all of the "after" shots for you guys and everything is all beautiful and blue and white! My mom actually asked me if I seriously wanted blue everywhere, and I had to point out to her that 24 years of loving something means it's not a phase. I mean, really, talk about not knowing your child haha.

In other news, I went out this past weekend and partied my face off for Natasha's birthday.

Also in attendance were Lauren, Margaret, and many others, along with...drumroll please...a new boy I've been seeing (and some of his friends). Unfortunately for you, he knows about the blog, and he's not entirely comfortable with the idea of me talking about him here...but I will tell you this: He makes me laugh, he treats me well, and he partied like a champion with my friends this past weekend. Any guy who can hold his own while breaking it down at Bell with us gets an A+ in my book.

Alright, it's time for bed, but watch out for a post coming up regarding "Hot Tub Time Machine," which I am beyond pumped to see later this week!

XOXO - Christine

Best Photos of 2009 (Via CollegeHumor)

Hellooooo my bunnies! I'm so sorry that I've been an absentee bloggerfriend, but shit's been cray-zy lately. Hopefully the best internet photos of 2009 will help alleviate your suffering!

Hores make everyone feel good Timmy.

Too soon?

Phe-nom-en-al.

Bitch had it coming...

Wish I'd known about this test back when I was dating my mildly gay ex-boyfriend...

I feel like this photo sums up my friendship with Anna. I'm all, "Love me, play with me, let me lick your face (metaphorically)!" And she's all, "Ugh...okay, but just this once, and only because I need a bath (hug) anyway."

Touche, sir.

True story? I once played darts against my sophomore year boyfriend's roomate. The bet? If I won, they would clean their own suite for a month; if he won, I would make sandwiches for my bf and all of his friends, on demand, for a week. Guess who won.

Ahahahahahahaha. That's all.

Love the Kool Aid man. "OH YEAH!"

Too funny.

60% of the time, it works every time.

Real Life Timon and Pumba

As a future educator, I really hope I get many, many tests back like this, solely for the purpose of posting them on these here interwebs.

Clever, clever, clever.

This joke never gets old.

Hope that entertained you guys for the moment; I promise to start posting more as soon as I get a handle on this little thing called time. Unfortunately, my favorite exchange (regarding facebook and those nutbags over at PETA) saved far too small and I'm too tired to deal with it, so check it out here: http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/gallery:Most_Liked_Pictures_2009#1928947

XOXO - Christine

Happy New Year!!

Alright babies, I'm sorry, but Catherine's on her way to my apartment and there's shopping to be doone and errands to run before tonight's fabulous soiree, so the Best/Worst Life Moments of 2009 post is going to have to wait until tomorrow, when I'm experiencing my first Great Crippling Hangover of 2010. In saying goodbye to 2009, I'd like to thank you all for being wonderful, wonderful readers and I can't wait to see what the new year brings us!

Boston baby, Boston!

XOXOXOXOXO - Christine

P.S. If you're anything like I am and you need a social spotter when you go out (at all times?) so you don't drunk dial your lady doctor, your best friend's parents, and the school of the child you mentor (true story...thanks first night of junior year), then may I recommend the Don't Dial app for iPhones? See the magic at work here:So far, I've locked 34 numbers out of my phone until 8 o'clock tomorrow morning...everyone from my tailor to my extended family to my man friends, so I am now officially ready to rage. See you next year bunnies!!!!

In Preperation for 2010...

I was just watching the premiere for Real World DC and saw the latest trailer for MTV's newest hit show, "The Buried Life." Basic premise: 4 guys made a list of 100 things they wanted to do before they died. They bought a bus, traveled around the country (world?), made their wildest dreams come true, and filmed the whole thing. For each item they were able to cross off their collective list, they helped a complete stranger accomplish one of their own goals. Check out there website here, and some of their footage below.

Here's one of the older trailers:

And the newer one:


After watching something like that, you can't help but think about your own goals, and New Year's Eve being upon us....your resolutions. Of the 100 items on the guys' list, I've already managed to accomplish the following:

7. Plant a tree (gotta love middle school earth days...)
9. Destroy a computer (it's called college, and, well...my life in general.)
10. Learn to fly (I took flying lessons one summer when I was a camp counselor.)
11. Get a college degree (Graduated in '07 baby!)
13. Help someone build a house (I helped build two houses when I spent a summer as an assistant site supervisor for Habitat for Humanity in Portland, Maine.)
23. Learn how to play an instrument (I think with piano, viola, saxophone, and drums under my belt, I've got it covered.)
25. Drive across North America (We roadtripped to Derby last spring...does that count?)
27. Give a stranger a $100 bill (I gave $100 to my favorite sober, smiling, cvs-door-holdinghomeless man at the end of the summer I lived in Cambridge.)
29. Scream at the top of your lungs (who hasn't done this?)
49. Take a stranger out for dinner (I actually did this once when I made bff with a slightly crazy older woman at the MAC counter in the mall. We had a blast and met up a few more times after that for mentor-style lunches.)
51. Climb a large Mountain (Katahdin baby!)
58. See a dead body (Sadly true thanks to a handful of funerals.)
65. Learn how to sail (I used to sail at camp when I was younger and spent this past summer relearning how with Bobby as my coach.)
72. Throw a surprise party (My parent's surprise 25th wedding anniversary party was a huge hit!)

82. Win an award (This counts, right? Seriously? Why not?)

86. Teach an elementary school class (DONE. And this list didn't even specify that I had to teach them about sperm, trannies, and lady parts! Seriously though, that happened to me last spring. Sex ed in 5th grade is apparently no joke.)

88. Jump off a waterfall (Thanks Adventure Camp!)
90. Ride a rollercoaster (I still remember the first rollercoaster I ever rode...the Scooby Doo one at King's Dominion in Virginia when we moved to Savannah. Embarassing, but true. Cut me a little slack though, I was 9, people!)
92. Learn how to surf (I halfway accomplished this during one of my visits to my parents' condo in Florida. Too bad I got stuck in a rip tide and then crashed into a reef that we later found out was installed by the association next door to "maintain the shark environment." Good times.)
98. Race horses (I used to ride in Jimcanas at camp.)

Total: 20

Twenty out of one hundred? Without even trying? Not too shabby!

Here are some of the things I'd like to accomplish in the coming year(s):

In 2010...
1. Go paintballing (something I promised Ali for her bday last year and we still haven't gotten around to doing.)
2. Run a half marathon...full marathon if I'm feeling gutsy.
3. Relive my childhood summers by convincing all of my friends to go camping with me.
4. Head up to Maine and tackle the Class 5 rapids that almost killed me back in the day.
5. Become a poor man's Former Roommate Jenn, meaning that I not only want to teach myself to cook, but I'd also like to make it look half as effortless as she does.
6. Smoothly and successfully reonvate and decorate my new condo (more to come on that in 2010!!)
7. Get ballsier with my snowboarding and wakeboarding skills. Breaking my wrist while snowboarding left me a little gunshy, but I'm slowly getting my snow legs back.
8. Suck it up and hop the bus/train to visit my friends/family in NYC more than...never. The lofty goal: 4 times in 2010, versus 0 times in 2007, 2008, and 2009 combined. I'm looking at you, Lee.
9. Be outside all summer, hopefully while working at a non-profit day camp on one of the islands outside of the city.
10. Buy myself fresh peonies every week while they're in season (May and June). Few things make me happier than a vase full of these can.
11. Apologize to everyone I was bitchy to in 2009, namely the match.com date that looked like Tony Soprano's half-sibling who I disappeared on last spring, among others. It's never too late to say you're sorry, especially if you mean it.
12. Write more thoughtful birthday messages to all (okay, most) of my facebook friends.
13. Send Christmas cards for once.
14. Finally get my helmsman certification for sailing.
15. Go to more live shows, especially if Kings of Leon, Vampire Weekend, MGMT, La Roux, Drake, Jeremih, Lil Wayne, or Jay-Z come to town.
16. Be the best friend/daughter/cousin/niece/dog owner I can be.

Long term goals (to cross off in the next 5-10 years)...
1. Skydive
2. Swim with sharks (preferably in Australia...Bobby, you in?)
3. Sell the condo I just bought and buy/build a dreamhouse/penthouse.
4. Fall in love (cheesy, but we're talking long term...who doesn't want to fall in real, non-high-school-boyfriend-forever-and-always or maybe-gay-college-boyfriend-who-lives-down-the-hall-and-is-convenient, love? I promise to still be just as ridic after this happens, though I may have to retroactively delete some of my more risque posts...talk about a dilemma!)
5. Publish a book...or two...or, you know, three.
6. Be a contestant on a gameshow...or win a bananagrams tournament, whichever comes first.
7. Travel. Everywhere.
8. Make a tangible difference in the lives of my students. Help them get into Prep to Prep and ABC programs so they can go to prep/boarding schools for free.
9. Open a summer camp so city kids can experience the backwoods of Maine or New Hampshire.
10. Say yes to every spontaneous adventure proposed to me.

Lofty goals? Perhaps. Acheivable? Absolutely. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me come Friday...wish me luck! And get ready, the Best/Worst of 2009 post coming later today!

XOXO - Christine

Adios Online Dating, it's been...fun?

6,335 views of my profile later, and I am officially done with Match.com. Thirteen minutes from now, or by the time I finish this post, it will all be over...no more coming home drunk and scoping out prospects, no more politely telling middle-aged men and guidos, "no thanks," no more going on dates with borderline alcoholics, only to have them rip shots in my bathroom or call me while riding their bikes back to the south end....no friends, thirteen minutes from now, all of this magic will be behind me.

I have to say, breaking up the homance (Bobby's newly minted term for a lady-bromance) with Match was theoretically hard, but it's also a giant relief. I don't know how much longer I could keep up with the incessant winks and emails from boys who think that we'd be perfect together because I happen to be the proud owner of a hoo-ha and appreciate the oh-so-subtle humor of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I mean, maybe I have aggressively high standards, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a tallish, well-educated, cool guy who has some direction and can make me laugh...I'm just saying.

Things I will be more than happy to leave behind? Going on a date, coming home, and then seeing said date online scoping out new prospects later that evening. Granted I'd be doing the same thing...but somehow it's different when their "Online now!" badge is flashing in your face. And this is why I present to you my very best advice for you to successfully navigate the world of online dating whilst maintaining your sanity and standards. Also, we will be recapping what I have learned over the past 9, count 'em, 9, months. Get your pens and pencils out ladies and gents, because here we go...

Words of Wisdom:

1. When emailing someone you may be interested in, remember to reference information from their profile. Not only will it make them feel as though you're being genuine, but it will also prevent you from the pain and humiliation of this exchange. Also, spelling and grammar count, especially if you're over the age of 18 and/or have managed to obtain your high school diploma or the equivalent.

2. DO post presentable photos of yourself. If you would feel more comfortable maintaining your current look, perhaps you would feel more comfortable joining a dating/Lord of the Rings roleplaying community for fellow hippie elves.

3. If you're only looking for sexy times, please direct your attention to adult friend finder and leave me alone. It's fine if your idea of a dream date would be "dinner, movie, and a good time back at her place," but please, have some tact.

4. If you know that someone's not right for you, don't feel the need to get involved. Just press the "no thanks" button, and move on. There's no use wasting your time or theirs on something that's not going anywhere.

5. Wait an email or two before letting your freak flag fly, DON'T just put it all out there for your friends and coworkers to stumble across and then blog about, with accompanying illustrations.

6. Don't be sketch when you finally meet someone. It may go well at first, and they may think your drunkeness is endearing, but eventually they will find the bottle of orange vodka you hid in the bathroom and they will not be pleased.

7. DO be creative with date ideas! The best dates are fun, interesting, and flow organically. Dinner and a blockbuster can be a good time, but more often than not it should be Plan B, not A.

8. There's no blogpost to go with this, but after a date, wait 24 hours, or at least until morning, before logging in to your account. Otherwise, the other party is bound to think you're not interested or at least feel the sting of post-date rejection even more strongly. It's just a good policy to have because it works in reverse as well. Karma people, karma.

9. Speaking of karma, boys and girls, please quit it with the disappearing acts! I know I've done it to my fair share of online paramours, and that makes me hugely hypocritical, but I've since recognized the error of my ways and have realized that next time I'm tempted to do this, I just need to grow a pair and use my words. If you've given someone your number, or gone on a date with them, I think it's only right to let them know that it's not going to work out as soon as you can find a solid, sugar-coated reason, so they don't spend the rest of the week sitting around waiting for a phone call that will never come, because it's just depressing when I put it that way, isn't it?

10. It goes without saying, but please DON'T be any of these people.

And a bonus for good luck...

11. More than anything else, remember to get out there, have fun, and be safe!

And now, positive recap time. We all know what I have lost via Match.com (time, money, dignity), but what have I gained?

1. Laughter, and awkward stories, which are simply priceless.

2. A lasting and committed love for all things Kings of Leon (thanks to the boy who threw a temper tantrum) and The Script (thanks to last week's concert date) as well as a passing interest in Wilco (Drunk Date).

3. A keen eye for observation, thanks to the balding 23-year old I went out with. Baseball hats in every photo? Fool me once, shame on me...

4. A stronger sense of self and the things I want/need in life and in a guy.

5. And, in all honestly, the most important thing I've gained is a deeper appreciation of my friends, who have been there from every, "oooh look at this guy!" to each, "ugh, he was awful/drunk/balding!" Without you guys, and my faithful readers, I would've pulled an Alexa Ray Joel long ago (too soon?)...kidding, but seriously, I love you guys.

To the men of Match.com, thanks for the laughs; it's been quite the ride.

And now, I pass the online dating torch to my dear friend Lee (the same one who sent me the Jersey Shore Nickname generator earlier today), and I wish her the best of luck in her search for a decent man to call her own.

Stay tuned kids, more to come later this week.

XOXO - Christine

Wanted: Lion Cub and/or Midget Friend

So, for those of you not following my obnoxious photo tweets about Bradydog, etc. on Twitter...the little guy was here last week and brought much joy and laughter into the lives of all who had the pleasure of running into him on the mean streets of Boston. There were playdates with Zeke and Olivia, trips to school, whole afternoons spent in the park...really, it was the highlight of this entire city's November. Sadly, I had to return him to my parents after a few days and it was truly a devastating loss...not just for me, but for Massachusetts as a whole.

While desperately searching for a way to remedy the situation, New Roomie Kate came up with an ingenius idea. Ready for it?

Befriend/hire a midget, excuse me, "little person," clothe him in a lion costume, and return home every night to his wagging little tail and smiling face! Incredible, right? We have determined that peeing when meeting new people is optional. Authenticity is nice, but no one reeeally enjoys cleaning up urine...trust me, I would know. In addition to being a lovable ball of joy and wonder at all times, we would expect said Little Lion to morph into a cleaning and organizing machine whenever we leave the apartment...you know, the way that stuffed animals totally come to life as soon as you leave the room.

For their services, we would house them in a lovely plastic crate, with the option to upgrade to the foot of my bed after a 3-month trial period. The starting pay is 3 milkbones and two meals per day, with a negotiable bonus of one chew toy and/or soup bone for each time they are required to come to the bar and wrangle our drunk selves. Two chew toys if they have to chaperone us while we sleep so we don't throw up on our laptops...just saying, it's a possibility.

So, if you know any little people and/or small children looking for a yob in these uncertain times, or simply looking to scratch and lick their way to being this happy,

Sweatshirt not included with offer.

then please direct them to this blog, and remind them that like ibankers circa 2004, they should look beyond the initial salary, as they'll be earning at least half of their income in (drunk patrol) bonuses.

Until the next post...

XOXO - Christine

Ladies' Night, Oh What A Night...

So, a few weeks ago, Ali, Natas, and Margaret decided to host a bunch of us girls for a fabulous ladies night full of delicious treats and even juicier stories.

Like this tasty cake made by Natas herself!

Lest you all assume that a night such as this would be limited to us bitching about men (boys) and bowing to the gods Ben and Jerry, I would like to provide you with some insight into our five hours of festive fun and games...

You guys remember MASH, right? Where the person in question fills in two answers for each category, then the other person completes the form with all things awk.com, and hilarity ensues? Well, we played it, round robin style. Ali was feeling a bit sickly, so I took it upon myself to fill one out for her, since my life is already more of an unbelievable joke than MASH could ever hope to predict. Her results:
I even wrote a full description, essay style:
In case you can't make it all out, I've transcribed the basic gist of it below; the yellow bits are the parts that were filled in:

Ali, a trophy wife, met her husband, Homeless Meredith (a cabbie) at The Bunny Ranch in Nevada. They have 2 children, their eldest of whom, Eziekiel, was conceived miraculously during anal in the back set of their Audi A5. The happy couple resides in an apartment under the sea, and though their life resembles Seinfeld, Meredith has cheated on Ali in the past with a sex therapist. Their wedding was beautiful; Ali wore white, and they honeymooned in Roxbury. They own a rabid squirrel (ostensibly befriended by Meredith during her days roaming the back alleys of the North End), and Ali somehow makes bank. The End.

What a lovely life story! Congrats to Ali on her bright future!

Following MASH, Anchorman, and cake, we were treated to a rousing one woman show, courtesy of (not former roommate) Jen. Not only did she sing such smash hits as "The Thong Song" and "Baby Got Back," but she also acted out nearly every skit ever shown on SNL in under five minutes flat, with occassional back up vocals/charades assisstance from Natas. Have a listen for yourselves (no picture, just beautiful, melodious sounds)...

Alrights friendlies, more to follow.

XOXO - Christine

P.S. Don't forget to check out my other blog: All The Pretty Things!

In Preparation for Trick or Drink 2009...

Oh friends, it's that time of year again...that time of year when girls get their whore on and boys live out their latent fantasies for one sacred evening. In the spirit of this tradition, here are some photos from last year's Trick or Drink:

Our apartment last year. We were stop #4 and served "Blackout Punch," which glowed under the blacklight, thanks to an infusion of tonic water!

Chuck Bass, obviously.

Kissing Booth, The Hamburglar, and Free Mustache Rides!

Teague as McLovin!

Boobs, enough said.

The girls and I were a bachelorette party (my theoretically phenomenal idea). Anna was our beautiful bride-to-be, and apparently our costumes were soooo good that everyone thought we were a legit bachelorette party...come one people, it's Halloween, use your brains!

Jenn's boyfriend, the coordinator of Trick or Drink, was a rock, and his roommates were paper and scissors. Such a great DIY idea!

Anna, making moves on the self-proclaimed "gay pirate." By the end of the night, I'm pretty sure I was able to convince him that his leopard stretch pants and plastic bone made him more suited to be a gay caveman. Also, not the handy nipple holes in that very fashionable silk shirt. Very chic.

Nothing says party like a sheep holding you up to do a kegstand...Dorsh, Karen, and Praski as an 80's skier, a Giants' player, and an Oompa Loompa.

Leah, using her friend Pablo as a drinking apparatus.

Leah, the day laborer.

Praski managed to gank Leah's lover, Pablo, and eat many tostitos out of his back opening. That sounds wrong on so many levels, and trust me, it totally was haha.

Karen and Ali the Giants' players and Charlie as Winnie the Pooh.

Ali making some moves on Greenman.

Dear Ali, this photo makes me glad I dipped my pen in your ink, bro.

Greenman was irresistable!

Ahahahahaha. I love my friends.

Shockingly enough, these are dance moves.

The death of Pedro/fighting over the gay pirate's bone.

Fighting an actual pirate for the gay pirate's bone.

Aggression duly noted.

Pretty much under the house to get that bone. This is why "naughty" Halloween costumes are overrated.

Alright lovers, that's about all I have for the moment...more to come this week, especially since MY 24TH BIRTHDAY is on Wednesday!!!

XOXO - Christine