Snooki the outlaw...

Awwww, she's even adorable in her mugshots!


Fun fact? Right before Snooki was arrested for being drunk in public and/or disorderly conduct, she fell off a bike. Since the official video of the incident was removed for copyright infringement, here is a glorious reenactment of the blessed event:

Love it.

XOXO - Christine

"Theyyyy're heeerrrre...."

I AM SO MOTHER F'ING EXCITED FOR THE SEASON TWO PREMIERE OF JERSEY SHORE THAT I CAN'T NOT PULL A KANYE AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS. SO. F'ING. EXCITED.


For those of you not quite up to speed on the lives and times of our seven* favorite tanned, (mostly) toned, and (occasionally) poufed guidos and guidettes, here's Gawker's guide to to everything you need to know to make the most of your JShore 2 viewing experience on this fine evening.

Best part of the guide? When talking about JWOWW's love life, Gawker states the following: "Last season she had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop her from touching DJ Paulie's D."

Priceless, especially since Pauly's D piece is pierced. No really, it is, and it's horrifying.

Also, there's this (watch the whole this to see the infamous Snooki punch):


And this:


And, for those of you who want to see the Snooki punch from every possible angle:


*Please note that I said "seven" above. This is because Angelina is not tanned, toned, or poufed, nor does she count as anyone's favorite anything. Just keep in mind that she pretty much sucks and you'll be a-okay.

I can't fucking wait.

XOXO - Christine

(603): Soooo, I was just dumped. Via Phone. At Grand Canal. As a violinist was walking by serenading people. FML.

Well hello there friends! I haven't seen you in what, a month now? I apologize for disappearing without warning, but I desperately needed a month off to get my life together and figure out where things were going with the new boy I mentioned last time. And where did things wind up going? Say it with me now...fuckin' NOWHERE. (For the full effect, read that Bobby-style, with less bitterness and a lil more Boondock Saints.)

Yes friends, that's right, I was unceremoniously dumped this past Friday night in pretty spectacular fashion.

Which brings us to Friday night...

I got home from school around 7 and prepped myself to rage with Ali, Natasha, and Flores down at The Landing. When I finally arrived, the place (a roped in area on the aquarium pier) was packed with people I know. I immediately began double (okay, triple) fisting and having a blast with Dave, Greg, CJ, Boston Dave, Dan, Evan, Sean, Justin, Ali, Natas, Flo, and about a dozen other friends and friends of friends.

As the night went on, the group thinned out and eventually it was down to about ten of us, who decided to make the trek over to Grand Canal. Not sure if you guys remember iPhonegate 2009, but the point is that horrible things usually happen to me at Grand Canal, but I love it regardless. We began walking over, but then Dan decided that "private equity doesn't walk, private equity cabs it," so we wound up squeezing 7 of us into a cab, at which point I heard Jim's ominous ringtone (the beginning to "Shipping up the Boston").

I picked up and told him that I'd call him back when I got to the bar, which I then did from the patio out back. We talked for a half an hour or so and the conversation went from him telling me to go have fun with my friends, to me asking him what was wrong, to us breaking up and me crying at the bar. The part that makes this hilarious? Try the fact that the street violinist from my neighborhood walked by at this very moment to serenade all of the drunk couples. It was a dramatic moment fit for Lifetime, and I couldn't stop laughcrying because of it. And then...I hung up the phone, went back into the bar with a brave face on, accepted pity drinks and hugs, and danced my face off.

Post-Grand Canal, a bunch of people came back to my apartment to hang out and play some beirut until 4:30 or so. Dan and I teamed up to take on Boston Dave and his lady friend, and I honestly had the best beirut game of my life, sinking nearly every shot and finally winning it for us when we were down to one cup each and they'd hit our cup. One bounce shot later and we were clearly the champions. The night finally ended when Boston Dave broke a kitchen chair and the cold champagne ran dry.

The next morning, I talked to my best friend from high school, Catherine, for an hour or so and she gave me some really excellent perspective on the situation. Based on what I'd told her about this new relationship, it was clear to her that I liked him, but that the intensity of my liking was magnified by how well he treated me, since I haven't had that in a very, very long time. I've done a lot of thinking, and I recognize that she's absolutely right. Do I like him as a person? Absolutely. Did I cry when he ended things? Definitely. Was I mourning the loss of the constant affection as much as I was sad about him choosing to remove himself from my life? Yes, for certain, and that was the point she really drove home for me.

Anyway, midday tears and phone convos done, I Derby'd myself up and headed over to Toppers to meet my friends. If you recall, last year I actually went to the Derby and had the most amazing/awkward time of my life. This year was no different, minus the fact that instead of blacking out and awkwardly hitting on Greg, I was semi-sober and had to keep tabs on his drunk ass so he wouldn't die in the streets of Boston. Natasha wound up buying a spectacular Derby hat and we made our way over to Game On. The weather was gorgeous (somehow better than it was in Louisville itself), and we had a blast. Natasha even managed to win a prize when she bet on SuperSaver, the winning horse! It was a great time...until Ali almost choked some girl out for being a bitch. Oh Ali and her rage...

After Game On, we mosied over to Kings to meet up with Goob and Karen (Koob) for his old roomie's bday party. During said moseying, Ali was still bent out of shape about the girl in the ugly orange dress and kept threatening to serve her Boston tap water as revenge (for those of you who aren't from here, we had a massive water main break and we're not supposed to drink the water, Mexico-style). Everyone was dragging a bit while we were there, so the girls and I wound up leaving. Ali and Lauren peaced out and Natasha and I went on the longest walking tour of Charlestown ever to meet Greg at Tavern on the Water.

When we showed up, Greg was in rare form (not so rare for him) and looked like a very preppy and yet disheveled homeless man, a trend that should soon catch on and be known as "laid off day trader." He convinced us to head back to my building to hang out with the boys upstairs, which we then did. A beer later, and we were on our way to Good Life, with an incredibly racist, youtube sensation aspiring cabbie at the wheel.

Here, our group split up because several of us looked inside at the clientele and couldn't justify paying $20 a head to hang with pure sketchiness. Off to Bell we went, where Natasha "knows people" and was able to get us in without a cover, complete with an escort through the kitchen and up the back stairwell. Finally, the night was coming to a close when I got a call from BDubs. We wound up hanging out and he managed to not pee in any inappropriate locales, so that was a huge bonus.

So, in summation of my weekend:

- Friday was a shitshow (it always is when Dan and Dave are in the mix) and I still managed to have the time -and best beirut game- of my life, despite being dumped pretty spectacularly.

- Saturday night involved Game On, Kings, Tavern on the Water, my apt, Good Life, and Bell. Saturday night also involved BDubs, Greg, and many of my other favorite people. Good time = guaranteed, lack of clean water in Boston be damned.

- Today shall be full of golf (or more appropriately "whiffs" in my case) and a BBQ at Karen's in Southie. Do I have a lot of school work to do? Yes. Will it get done? Eventually. But for now, I just need to hang out with my friends and get back to being my normal, happy, single self.

So, that's where I'm at. I just want to give a huge thank you to my friends who were there for me this weekend and who stayed up with me both nights so I wouldn't have to be alone in my apartment while Kate's in Ireland. I already know that I will be fine, but that doesn't make this, or the prospect of getting back out there, any easier, especially after the awful year I've had dating-wise. Love you all, and I will be a more diligent blogger going forward now that I'm almost done with school. Okay, time for me to go lace up my golf shoes and hit the driving range with Karen, Goob, and Natas...have a wonderful Sunday afternoon everyone!

XOXO - Christine

And this is why condoms exist...

Keep your ears open for such fine phrases as "lady business" and "sexual congress."

Dear Jesus...we're in trouble.

XOXO - Christine

My life, in a nutshell.

Oh boy, where do I begin...

As you know, after the thing with Tom went horribly awry (more on that after), I pretty much vowed to quit dating and said "laterss" to Match.com in a big, totally rebellious way, very much reminiscent of that time I broke curfew by a whole HALF HOUR in high school, only to get a speeding ticket on my way home...what I'm trying to say is that though I possessed the desire to just say no, I failed miserably at following through. Apparently, leaving Match.com for good is like trying to slam a duck phone; damn near impossible.


Reasons to rejoin Match.com:

1. This article scares the shit out of me.

2. I need something other than Elephante (elle-eh-FAWN-tay) to snuggle with and a man (boy? kidding...) other than Drew to force my hugs upon.

3. I enjoy activities. Activities other than shopping tend to be more fun when accompanied by a person to whom you are animalistically attracted. With the exception of JDubs, one night stands to whom you are attracted usually don't invite you to brunch and/or a Bruins game after a sloppy night of bar-side make-outs. Ipso facto, I need a proper man friend in my life.


Reasons to run screaming for the hills:

1. Men are terrible liars. This means that when I hang out with a "single" guy and agree to go out with him the following week, and even make out with him, I can google his name the next day and am inevitably able to find out his wife's name and the location of their bee-yoo-ti-full wedding that occurred three years prior. If a man is going to do this to me in the future, I'd like him to at least have some tact and discretion. Unfortunately, this doesn't appear to be possible. Strike one for the men folk...

2. How much more can I really put up with in the bullshit department before, to quote Omarion, there's an icebox where my heart used to be? I thought I couldn't handle much else after the Manbaby incident, but as it turns out, I've been through a lot more, and I've become shockingly resilient.

3. Can't I just wait for my ideal man to come find me? You know, isn't he just supposed to stumble across me in some adorable meet-cute fashion fit for a romcom...while I sit back and write this blog from my couch...oh. wait. That's how fabulous twenty-somethings blink and become 40-year old cat ladies. Gross, I guess I do really have to get back out there, though, on second thought, the term "lady" does imply dignity, which is more than I have going fo me right now....hmmm, connundrum!

Whelp, it's settled...I guess I'm going to simply reactivate my Match profile and cross my fingers. And now for the tales that brought me to this (metaphorical) place...coming in the next post.

More in a few!

XOXO - Christine

I'm (bringing awkward) back...!

Oh friends, I am so sorry that I have been a horrible blogger the past 2 or 3 months, but life has been insane lately. I can't get into too many specifics professionally speaking...but my love life alone has been enough of a wreck to make me want to keep me far, far away from these here internets.

Things preventing me from being a good blogger:

1. I bought a new condo and am going to start demo soon. This means that I spend all of my free time channeling my inner HGTV, drawing sketches, and dreaming about color palettes. Assuming that roomie Kate doesn't move with me (the place is smaller but the rent would be the same for her), I will need to consult Facebook and/or Craigslist for a new roommate come summertime. I welcome input on required interview questions/activities.

2. Remember all of the times this past year when I thought things could go nowhere but up? Actually, you probably don't, because I tend not to write about bo-ring things like that...but in summation...things got worse; I'll explain in the following posts.

3. I haven't been going out very often thanks to a semi-strong desire to get my life together. Thankfully, my calendar for March is full of can't-turn-down-invitations and summer is just around the corner!

So...I'm figuring out how to balance it all, one step at a time, and I shall be a better and more diligent blogger/friend/liver of life and ignorer of stress going forward. Now hold on to your seats and get ready for some ridiculousness!

XOXO - Christine

Holy Fucking Awkward

Hey bunnies! So, I have a story for you...here goes.

Remember that guy I went to the Script concert with? Well, after our date, he continued gchatting me on a daily basis, telling me that he couldn't wait to hang out again. This continued for about a week and a half, before he suddenly fell off the face of the earth.

In my heart, I was pretty sure that it was over, but Anna gave me a long lecture about how "guy time" and "girl time" are wildly different, and that a week in guy time really isn't that long at all. Faith somewhat renewed, I decided to email him and let him know that I was going home for Christmas, but that I'd be back in a few days if he still wanted to hang out. The response? Nothing.

Undeterred, I held my tongue and sent him a second (and final) email a week later, saying that it was cool if he found someone else, or if he wasn't that interested anymore, but that I'd appreciate some kind of response or explanation, considering that the last I'd heard, he'd been totally into it. Again...nothing. (By the way, this all went down toward the end of December, and I was beyond impressed with myself for not bitching him out in a lovely New Year's drunk dial.)

Fast forward to Monday night, when Ali and I decided to go on a leisurely shopping adventure to Shaw's.....oh hey, who's that walking toward me from the cheese aisle? HOLY SHIT. It's Tom. (I believe we previously referred to him as "last week's date," "the incident," and/or "the condition.") I spotted him from afar, immediately turned around and started freaking the fuck out. Normally I wouldn't care if I ran into a former flame (see: The Comedy Club Incident), but this is a guy that I actually liked, who pretty much mindfucked me, AND I looked horrendous after one of the worst Mondays of all time. AWESOME.

Anyway, after some not-so-subtle walk-by situations, I finally decided that I would be kicking myself for weeks if I didn't say something to him. So......I ambushed him in the checkout line, because I'm smooth like that. I basically walked right up to him while he was on the phone and tapped his arm. Here is what I remember of the (pretty long) convo that followed:

Him: Heeey, what's up?
Me: Hi. I think it's pretty fucked up that you never emailed me back.
Him: Ugh, yeah, I'm sorry about that. I feel like a real asshole. I kept meaning to write back, but then I felt like it'd been too long, so I didn't.
Me: Well, it was a really dick move.
Him: I know, I'm sorry, I was dating a few people when I met you, and timing's a bitch, you know? I became serious with someone else and didn't handle it well.
Me: Clearly not.
Him: After a week went by, I just didn't want to upset you by bringing it up, so I did nothing.
Me: Well, let me teach you a little lesson about women. We ALWAYS appreciate an apology, whether it's 8 minutes or 8 years after you fuck up. It's an acknowledgment of the fact that you did a dick thing, and that we are not, in fact, crazy.

-Insert apologetic convo-

Him: So, how've you been?
Me: Well, I got into a car accident on Friday morning, the building next door to me caught on fire on Monday night, and now...this.
Him: Oh, I read about that fire on Universal Hub! Great website, you and I are both web savvy, I think you 'd enjoy it.
Me: Cool, I'll check it out.
Him: You were always really hilarious, we should talk sometimes.
Me: Awesome, call me when you're single.
Him: What, we can't be friends?
Me: Okay, sure, we can talk.
Him: Oh, and you mentioned your car accident? Well my car was hit by a cab on my street this weekend!
Me: OH, that's another reason I'm pissed you disappeared! You promised you'd tell me why your car is called Mexican Dave (name changed to protect the...vehicle?), but then you vanished!
Him: (looking around at the minority cashiers) I will tell you some other time, in person, I promise.
Me: Yeah...okay.
Him: No really. I'm glad the lines of communication are open again.
Me: Yup. Alright, I'm gonna let you go. Good to see you.
Him: Okay, see you soon.
Me: Alright...bye.

We high-fived twice and I also demanded a hug since I hadn't received one since my tunnel crash on Friday morning and was so desperate for a warm embrace that I would've taken one from Homeless Meredith. Okay, that's a stretch, but you know what I'm saying, I needed some loving...which is probs why I then purchased a stuffed elephant for myself to snuggle with...because I am apparently 5-years old. Also, Ali spent the entire 30 minutes that I was talking to Tom lurking around the magazine racks spying on us...real cool Ali, real cool haha.

While the entire situation was pretty awk, and I started out practically shaking because I was so angry, it ended well and I feel like I got the closure I was looking for back in December. And honestly, if he's serious about us keeping in touch, then I'm all for it.

Alright, that's it for now lovers! Let's hope the rest of the week is less drama and more fun!

XOXO - Christine

Best Photos of 2009 (Via CollegeHumor)

Hellooooo my bunnies! I'm so sorry that I've been an absentee bloggerfriend, but shit's been cray-zy lately. Hopefully the best internet photos of 2009 will help alleviate your suffering!

Hores make everyone feel good Timmy.

Too soon?

Phe-nom-en-al.

Bitch had it coming...

Wish I'd known about this test back when I was dating my mildly gay ex-boyfriend...

I feel like this photo sums up my friendship with Anna. I'm all, "Love me, play with me, let me lick your face (metaphorically)!" And she's all, "Ugh...okay, but just this once, and only because I need a bath (hug) anyway."

Touche, sir.

True story? I once played darts against my sophomore year boyfriend's roomate. The bet? If I won, they would clean their own suite for a month; if he won, I would make sandwiches for my bf and all of his friends, on demand, for a week. Guess who won.

Ahahahahahahaha. That's all.

Love the Kool Aid man. "OH YEAH!"

Too funny.

60% of the time, it works every time.

Real Life Timon and Pumba

As a future educator, I really hope I get many, many tests back like this, solely for the purpose of posting them on these here interwebs.

Clever, clever, clever.

This joke never gets old.

Hope that entertained you guys for the moment; I promise to start posting more as soon as I get a handle on this little thing called time. Unfortunately, my favorite exchange (regarding facebook and those nutbags over at PETA) saved far too small and I'm too tired to deal with it, so check it out here: http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/gallery:Most_Liked_Pictures_2009#1928947

XOXO - Christine

Happy New Year!!

Alright babies, I'm sorry, but Catherine's on her way to my apartment and there's shopping to be doone and errands to run before tonight's fabulous soiree, so the Best/Worst Life Moments of 2009 post is going to have to wait until tomorrow, when I'm experiencing my first Great Crippling Hangover of 2010. In saying goodbye to 2009, I'd like to thank you all for being wonderful, wonderful readers and I can't wait to see what the new year brings us!

Boston baby, Boston!

XOXOXOXOXO - Christine

P.S. If you're anything like I am and you need a social spotter when you go out (at all times?) so you don't drunk dial your lady doctor, your best friend's parents, and the school of the child you mentor (true story...thanks first night of junior year), then may I recommend the Don't Dial app for iPhones? See the magic at work here:So far, I've locked 34 numbers out of my phone until 8 o'clock tomorrow morning...everyone from my tailor to my extended family to my man friends, so I am now officially ready to rage. See you next year bunnies!!!!

Merry Christmas, Jersey Shore Style

Christmas has come early this year, in the form of the following Jersey Shore video. Words cannot sufficiently express the joy these kids bring to my life.

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

And on Leno...

And on Conan...Please note Snooki's stepstool...

Part 2:


Also, to see the encounter that led to Snooki getting, well, Snookied, go HERE, and to actually see the punch heard round the world, go HERE.

And just in case you want to steal my brilliant idea for Halloween...here are some inspiring tutorials on becoming properly guido-fied:

And...

Alyssa Milano's Evolution: Jersey Shore from Alyssa Milano

And, my personal gift to you...here's some gossip (via Gawker) from a woman who bumped into the whole cast (minus J-WOWW) at Marquee in NYC last night. Enjoy!

"Like an early gift from Santa himself, last night I met the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Here's how it went down. I do not regularly go to clubs, but last night my friend wanted to go to Marquee and after several rounds of drinks, who was I to say no? We go and the first thing we notice is a black pompadour sticking up over one of the couches. And next to the pomp, was a definite situation. Seated was Paulie D, The Situation, Sammi Sweetheart, Ronnie and that other one. Here's the rundown on our friends from NJ.

Snooki: In person, she's shorter and tanner than you would even dream of. She was cautious and definitely not used to "fame" yet. Her tits were HUGE and she was NOT the center of attention. I asked her to do some back hand springs and she politely refused. I asked if she planned on pursuing cheerleading professionally and she said yes.

The Situation: A total dickhead, in just the way I wanted him to be. He was too cool to speak to pretty much anyone other than the other cast members. HIS JACKET WAS VELVET! And he would not show us his abs.

Paulie D: Totally sweet. Talked to us for a while, I asked him about the scene where he turned away from that busted blonde girl and he laughed uncontrollably. I was very scared of his hair, but managed to cop a feel.

Ronnie and Sammi: Looked like they were still together, sat on the couch by themselves the entire night. In a nut shell, BORING! Oh, and Ronnie looks better on TV than in person.

The Other One: Don't know his name, but he was there.

One interesting note... Snooki and The Situation were together ALL NIGHT!! They were practically connected at the hip and I wouldn't be surprised if they are hooking up!"

And finally, in case you're not already doing so, I highly recommend that you follow our little tanned fameseekers on Twitter...like yesterday. JWOWW is @JENNIWOWW (see her website here), Snooki is @Sn00ki (where she talks about doing photo shoots with Teresa the table flipper from Real Housewives of NJ, aka my dream come true. Her website is here, and she costs $2,000 for personal appearances...which means that you can find my bday present donation fund here...kidding, sort of), Pauly D can be found at @MTVDJPaulyD, The Situation's Twitter name is, obviously, @ItsTheSituation, and as far as I can tell, Vinny, Ronnie, and Sammi don't have Twitter acounts, and Angelina might, but everyone hates her, so none of them are folliwing any @KKardashianofSeasideHeights's quite yet.

Love you all and I'll see you back here in a few days!!

XOXO - Christine

The Fast and the Furryious...

The Hangover + Furry party + YouTube sensation "Charlie Bit Me!" + childhood favorites + fast cars = One ingenious video.


And yes, if you were looking closely you saw cameos by Julia Allison (in the yellow dress), Meghan Asha (in a red dress), and, drumroll please...Justin Bobby of Hills fame (with slicked back slimeball hair, naturally).

Love it. More to come, so stay tuned.


XOXO - Christine

"Ed Hardy Water, Vodka, Jesus, Revenge..."

Heyyyy bunnies! I can't believe I haven't posted this video yet, because it's phenomenal, but dear god am I glad I waited, because I overheard the greatest (and very related) thing last night on my way to Leah's, (after witnessing an almost multi-generational brawl that ended in hugs)...

Leathered up guido to the valet in front of my building: "So, what's this I hear about some show, some show called Guido Shores or Jersey Guidos? Have you heard anything about this?"

Unfortunately, it was freezing and I couldn't stop to hear more, but this, in essence, is my neighborhood. If the North End were an iPhone app, it would most certainly be called "Jersey Shore Lite."

And with that, I present you with "Bobby Bottleservice," a mix of Jon Gosselin, a pudgy guido, and the "such as" North Carolina pageant queen, aka Nick Kroll disguised under a thick layer of shelacking:

Bobby Bottleservice - Jersey Shore Audition Tape - watch more funny videos

You can see more of this very attractive and "fierce competator" here, in a video that I originally posted last month:

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly

As I said to my date from last week (who will heretofor be referred to by his Jersey Shore nickname, "The Operation"), I love life; it's so full of guidos and magic...

Hope you guys all had fun weekends and are getting amped up for all of your upcoming holiday parties!!

Adios Online Dating, it's been...fun?

6,335 views of my profile later, and I am officially done with Match.com. Thirteen minutes from now, or by the time I finish this post, it will all be over...no more coming home drunk and scoping out prospects, no more politely telling middle-aged men and guidos, "no thanks," no more going on dates with borderline alcoholics, only to have them rip shots in my bathroom or call me while riding their bikes back to the south end....no friends, thirteen minutes from now, all of this magic will be behind me.

I have to say, breaking up the homance (Bobby's newly minted term for a lady-bromance) with Match was theoretically hard, but it's also a giant relief. I don't know how much longer I could keep up with the incessant winks and emails from boys who think that we'd be perfect together because I happen to be the proud owner of a hoo-ha and appreciate the oh-so-subtle humor of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I mean, maybe I have aggressively high standards, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a tallish, well-educated, cool guy who has some direction and can make me laugh...I'm just saying.

Things I will be more than happy to leave behind? Going on a date, coming home, and then seeing said date online scoping out new prospects later that evening. Granted I'd be doing the same thing...but somehow it's different when their "Online now!" badge is flashing in your face. And this is why I present to you my very best advice for you to successfully navigate the world of online dating whilst maintaining your sanity and standards. Also, we will be recapping what I have learned over the past 9, count 'em, 9, months. Get your pens and pencils out ladies and gents, because here we go...

Words of Wisdom:

1. When emailing someone you may be interested in, remember to reference information from their profile. Not only will it make them feel as though you're being genuine, but it will also prevent you from the pain and humiliation of this exchange. Also, spelling and grammar count, especially if you're over the age of 18 and/or have managed to obtain your high school diploma or the equivalent.

2. DO post presentable photos of yourself. If you would feel more comfortable maintaining your current look, perhaps you would feel more comfortable joining a dating/Lord of the Rings roleplaying community for fellow hippie elves.

3. If you're only looking for sexy times, please direct your attention to adult friend finder and leave me alone. It's fine if your idea of a dream date would be "dinner, movie, and a good time back at her place," but please, have some tact.

4. If you know that someone's not right for you, don't feel the need to get involved. Just press the "no thanks" button, and move on. There's no use wasting your time or theirs on something that's not going anywhere.

5. Wait an email or two before letting your freak flag fly, DON'T just put it all out there for your friends and coworkers to stumble across and then blog about, with accompanying illustrations.

6. Don't be sketch when you finally meet someone. It may go well at first, and they may think your drunkeness is endearing, but eventually they will find the bottle of orange vodka you hid in the bathroom and they will not be pleased.

7. DO be creative with date ideas! The best dates are fun, interesting, and flow organically. Dinner and a blockbuster can be a good time, but more often than not it should be Plan B, not A.

8. There's no blogpost to go with this, but after a date, wait 24 hours, or at least until morning, before logging in to your account. Otherwise, the other party is bound to think you're not interested or at least feel the sting of post-date rejection even more strongly. It's just a good policy to have because it works in reverse as well. Karma people, karma.

9. Speaking of karma, boys and girls, please quit it with the disappearing acts! I know I've done it to my fair share of online paramours, and that makes me hugely hypocritical, but I've since recognized the error of my ways and have realized that next time I'm tempted to do this, I just need to grow a pair and use my words. If you've given someone your number, or gone on a date with them, I think it's only right to let them know that it's not going to work out as soon as you can find a solid, sugar-coated reason, so they don't spend the rest of the week sitting around waiting for a phone call that will never come, because it's just depressing when I put it that way, isn't it?

10. It goes without saying, but please DON'T be any of these people.

And a bonus for good luck...

11. More than anything else, remember to get out there, have fun, and be safe!

And now, positive recap time. We all know what I have lost via Match.com (time, money, dignity), but what have I gained?

1. Laughter, and awkward stories, which are simply priceless.

2. A lasting and committed love for all things Kings of Leon (thanks to the boy who threw a temper tantrum) and The Script (thanks to last week's concert date) as well as a passing interest in Wilco (Drunk Date).

3. A keen eye for observation, thanks to the balding 23-year old I went out with. Baseball hats in every photo? Fool me once, shame on me...

4. A stronger sense of self and the things I want/need in life and in a guy.

5. And, in all honestly, the most important thing I've gained is a deeper appreciation of my friends, who have been there from every, "oooh look at this guy!" to each, "ugh, he was awful/drunk/balding!" Without you guys, and my faithful readers, I would've pulled an Alexa Ray Joel long ago (too soon?)...kidding, but seriously, I love you guys.

To the men of Match.com, thanks for the laughs; it's been quite the ride.

And now, I pass the online dating torch to my dear friend Lee (the same one who sent me the Jersey Shore Nickname generator earlier today), and I wish her the best of luck in her search for a decent man to call her own.

Stay tuned kids, more to come later this week.

XOXO - Christine

"Pretty much, I'm ripped up like Rambo."

Ohhhh friends. I'm taking a nice little break from my finals tonight to share with you the joy and wonder that is MTV's newest show, "Jersey Shore." Now, being my readers, I would assume that the vast majority of you have already seen this magical piece of modern cinematography, but just in case you missed it, here's the trailer:

Phe-nomenal.

The first episode was pretty much incredible, with eight leather-skinned guidos and "guidettes" descending on a trashy Real World style house on The Shore, complete with astro-turfed rooftop and mind boggling duck telephone. Since I don't have nearly enough time to recap its magnificence for all of you, may I recommend a review by Meg over at 2birds1blog? Also, you can meet the cast here, and find out what your Jersey Shore nickname is in time to try out for season two (thanks to Lee for the link). Mine is "The Good Time," and to that, I say...of course it is.

Hope everyone's having a great week!

XOXO - Christine

Now Joining Team Jake...

Ohhhh friends. Oh wow. So, this fine evening, a group of my lovely friends and I moseyed (okay, powerwalked) our way down to the Loews Boston Common to check out some vampire (slash werewolf) on human action, in the form of the latest flick in the Twilight series, also known as, "New Moon." Before I go any further, let me just preface this entire post by saying that I've never read any of the books, nor do I fully understand half of what I just witnessed, but you should know that I will probably slip some important details. So, strap yourselves in, because there are likely spoilers ahead.

Now, onto the movie...

For those of you who aren't "Twihards" like my dear friend Leah, I will give you a little background. Basically, this really awkward plain jane type named Bella moves to some ass backwards town called "The Forks," which is meant to seem all earthy and wet and therefore mystical, much like every horror movie set ever erected. Bella's all angsty and like, "Daaaad, I don't wanna make friiiends! Grosss!" Finally, she throws on a ratty sweatshirt and drives herself to school in a bright orange clunker of a truck and meets Edward Cullen, who's creepy eyes twinkle when she's around. They go through a lot of brooding teenage bullshit and eventually he admits that he's a glistening little vampire and they live happily ever after, until some other twinkly vampires come to, you know, suck her blood. Obviously, love prevails, Edward takes them all out, and all is well with the world...at least until the sequel.

Enter, "New Moon." In this installment, Edward tells Bella that she sucks and he's peacing out (to protect her, but she doesn't have those fun vampire mind reading powers). After literally months of atrophying in a chair by the window, she finally makes slight amounts of effort to return to her life, at which point she takes notice of Werewolf Jake, aka HottieHotHottie. Stop judging, the age of consent is totally 17 in most places...right? Whatever. The rest of the movie is a blur, because I pretty much spent the next two hours drooling over Jake's Abs (yes they deserve to be capitalized) and shouting, "what the shiiiiit!?" I believe that my fellow movie goers were thrilled by this, as it broke up the monotony of the crying baby in the back. Luckily, the joke's really on that's kids parents, because it's totes going to grow up all emo and shit, like my future son, "Keith."

But, I digress. Back to Jake's Abs. I mean, JUST LOOK AT THESE THINGS!

I'm normally not into super jacked guys, but one look at these babies rippling in the morning overcast of The Forks, and I was hooked. When I say "hooked," I mean that he's so hot that I am actually able to look past that heinous wig he wears in the first few scenes, AND the non-ironic jorts he sports for the entirety of the movie. That, people, is LOVE. Or lust. But whatever. Not only is he suddenly supahfine, but he's also totes into Bella (vom). But nooooo, Bella's gotta stick poor Jake and His Abs in the corner slash friendzone and fly off to Italy to save this pasty motherfucker from Dakota Fanning:


I mean, Bella's weird and shit, but who, (WHO!) would ever choose this dude over...well, pretty much anyone else? He's ghostly white, built like a 12-year old, and I'm not sure if you can tell in this photo, but the silver screen made those nipple hairs look at least two feet long. NOT OKAY. I know, I know, he's a vampire, he's supposed to be pale...but if you're trying to tell me that these nocturnal Cullen vampire people have never seen an infomercial for a certain Bowflex Total Body System or, at the very least, the Smooth Away hair removal brush thing...well, I'm just not buying it, unless another one of their "magical powers" is to resist the wily charms of Chuck Norris and John Basedow...

So, in conclusion, move over Rewell...it'll be TEAM JAKE for me from here on out.


Enjoy the holiday lovers and I'll be back next week when I'm chock full of turkey and STORIES! And once I've purchased the above waterbottle via the wonders of the internets...

XOXO - Christine

"You can't keep US down...anymore."

Happy Friday bitches:




XOXO - Christine

In Preparation for Trick or Drink 2009...

Oh friends, it's that time of year again...that time of year when girls get their whore on and boys live out their latent fantasies for one sacred evening. In the spirit of this tradition, here are some photos from last year's Trick or Drink:

Our apartment last year. We were stop #4 and served "Blackout Punch," which glowed under the blacklight, thanks to an infusion of tonic water!

Chuck Bass, obviously.

Kissing Booth, The Hamburglar, and Free Mustache Rides!

Teague as McLovin!

Boobs, enough said.

The girls and I were a bachelorette party (my theoretically phenomenal idea). Anna was our beautiful bride-to-be, and apparently our costumes were soooo good that everyone thought we were a legit bachelorette party...come one people, it's Halloween, use your brains!

Jenn's boyfriend, the coordinator of Trick or Drink, was a rock, and his roommates were paper and scissors. Such a great DIY idea!

Anna, making moves on the self-proclaimed "gay pirate." By the end of the night, I'm pretty sure I was able to convince him that his leopard stretch pants and plastic bone made him more suited to be a gay caveman. Also, not the handy nipple holes in that very fashionable silk shirt. Very chic.

Nothing says party like a sheep holding you up to do a kegstand...Dorsh, Karen, and Praski as an 80's skier, a Giants' player, and an Oompa Loompa.

Leah, using her friend Pablo as a drinking apparatus.

Leah, the day laborer.

Praski managed to gank Leah's lover, Pablo, and eat many tostitos out of his back opening. That sounds wrong on so many levels, and trust me, it totally was haha.

Karen and Ali the Giants' players and Charlie as Winnie the Pooh.

Ali making some moves on Greenman.

Dear Ali, this photo makes me glad I dipped my pen in your ink, bro.

Greenman was irresistable!

Ahahahahaha. I love my friends.

Shockingly enough, these are dance moves.

The death of Pedro/fighting over the gay pirate's bone.

Fighting an actual pirate for the gay pirate's bone.

Aggression duly noted.

Pretty much under the house to get that bone. This is why "naughty" Halloween costumes are overrated.

Alright lovers, that's about all I have for the moment...more to come this week, especially since MY 24TH BIRTHDAY is on Wednesday!!!

XOXO - Christine