I AM SO MOTHER F'ING EXCITED FOR THE SEASON TWO PREMIERE OF JERSEY SHORE THAT I CAN'T NOT PULL A KANYE AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS. SO. F'ING. EXCITED.
For those of you not quite up to speed on the lives and times of our seven* favorite tanned, (mostly) toned, and (occasionally) poufed guidos and guidettes, here's Gawker's guide to to everything you need to know to make the most of your JShore 2 viewing experience on this fine evening.
Best part of the guide? When talking about JWOWW's love life, Gawker states the following: "Last season she had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop her from touching DJ Paulie's D."
Priceless, especially since Pauly's D piece is pierced. No really, it is, and it's horrifying.
Also, there's this (watch the whole this to see the infamous Snooki punch):
And this:
And, for those of you who want to see the Snooki punch from every possible angle:
*Please note that I said "seven" above. This is because Angelina is not tanned, toned, or poufed, nor does she count as anyone's favorite anything. Just keep in mind that she pretty much sucks and you'll be a-okay.
So, my good friend Lee totally spotted the Jersey Shore crew filming season 3 in Seaside Heights this weekend, and I am BEYOND jealous, though perhaps this will make up for it....
Christmas has come early this year, in the form of the following Jersey Shore video. Words cannot sufficiently express the joy these kids bring to my life.
And, my personal gift to you...here's some gossip (via Gawker) from a woman who bumped into the whole cast (minus J-WOWW) at Marquee in NYC last night. Enjoy!
"Like an early gift from Santa himself, last night I met the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Here's how it went down. I do not regularly go to clubs, but last night my friend wanted to go to Marquee and after several rounds of drinks, who was I to say no? We go and the first thing we notice is a black pompadour sticking up over one of the couches. And next to the pomp, was a definite situation. Seated was Paulie D, The Situation, Sammi Sweetheart, Ronnie and that other one. Here's the rundown on our friends from NJ.
Snooki: In person, she's shorter and tanner than you would even dream of. She was cautious and definitely not used to "fame" yet. Her tits were HUGE and she was NOT the center of attention. I asked her to do some back hand springs and she politely refused. I asked if she planned on pursuing cheerleading professionally and she said yes. The Situation: A total dickhead, in just the way I wanted him to be. He was too cool to speak to pretty much anyone other than the other cast members. HIS JACKET WAS VELVET! And he would not show us his abs.
Paulie D:Totally sweet. Talked to us for a while, I asked him about the scene where he turned away from that busted blonde girl and he laughed uncontrollably. I was very scared of his hair, but managed to cop a feel.
Ronnie and Sammi: Looked like they were still together, sat on the couch by themselves the entire night. In a nut shell, BORING! Oh, and Ronnie looks better on TV than in person.
The Other One:Don't know his name, but he was there.
One interesting note... Snooki and The Situation were together ALL NIGHT!! They were practically connected at the hip and I wouldn't be surprised if they are hooking up!"
And finally, in case you're not already doing so, I highly recommend that you follow our little tanned fameseekers on Twitter...like yesterday. JWOWW is @JENNIWOWW (see her website here), Snooki is @Sn00ki (where she talks about doing photo shoots with Teresa the table flipper from Real Housewives of NJ, aka my dream come true. Her website is here, and she costs $2,000 for personal appearances...which means that you can find my bday present donation fund here...kidding, sort of), Pauly D can be found at @MTVDJPaulyD, The Situation's Twitter name is, obviously, @ItsTheSituation, and as far as I can tell, Vinny, Ronnie, and Sammi don't have Twitter acounts, and Angelina might, but everyone hates her, so none of them are folliwing any @KKardashianofSeasideHeights's quite yet.
Love you all and I'll see you back here in a few days!!
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