Here's a lovely selection of texts from my fave website, Texts From Last Night, that could ostensibly be about my life. I would obviously be the people in pink. Enjoy.
Totally plausible, and totally rough times...
(971): I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Typical...
(513): Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
(615): That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mostly just gag...
(402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Not about my life, but a legitimate query nonetheless..
(859): What I don't get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
All I have to say is, who isn't?
(407): Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Too funny:
(216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
(440): Probably.
(216): I'm in.
Obviously...
(914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Thoroughly regretting my decidedly tamer choice...
(732): Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure Bobby would say this, just not to me...
(913): My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I would want to do the same thing...
(845): Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
(760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you haven't gone to the bathroom yet.
And finally...
(636): Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
LOVE IT.
More to come this weekend, including a post introducing all of you to my friend Donnie, who writes, raps, and produces his own music. Get excited, because the kid is crazy talented.
Hope you all had phenomenal fridays!!
XOXO - Christine
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this should totally be on there. it's like when you told dj littles that a man of his stature challenged dd to a darts drinking match
ReplyDelete(954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now