Patches O'Houlihan Update

Oh friendlies....do I have an update for you!

So, as you all know by now, God gets his kicks by smiting me daily for not believing in him. Sometimes this smiting comes in the form of the T not running due to "power outages," or a drunken mexican aggressively hitting on me whilst sitting thisfar from me on said T, or, I don't know, perhaps by presenting me with average looking men who are good in bed but insist upon lying to me on the regular? AKA JDubs and the "cop" formerly known as Patches O'Houlihan."

Alright, so last Wednesday night, I went out to dins with Ali and Karen and got a little drunski. I texted Patches a very ladylike message ("Guess who&s drunkkk...") and after a flurry of dirty and logistical texting, he showed up at my door (Jenn, aren't you glad you go to sleep early!). One bang sesh later...I called him out. Here is the convo that followed:

Me: So, funny story, remember that friend I pointed out to you on my wall who was from Belmont? Well her roommate, Melissa, used to have a thing with your roommate.
Patches: What are you talking about?
Me: Your roommate, Jason? Melissa had a thing with him a while ago. I was telling her how we got locked out on the roof last weekend and I guess she realized she'd met you before and talked to Jason about it.
Patches: Um, Patches O'HOULIHAN lives with Jason, I live with Bill Walsh. I'm Patches O'GRADY.
Me: Well, not according to Melissa. She e-mailed me earlier saying she knew who you were, and that I should be careful because you've been lying to me.

--Insert long convo about how he's not Patches O'Houlihan, but he knows him well and many other lies.--

Post-convo, he tells me he'll ask his boss about the date for my cousin's wedding that I invited him to in June. He begins to head out the door, but comes back and gives me a hug and a kiss on the head. It was very out of character and I have no idea what made him do this. Maybe he thought that I naively believed lie-fest part deux and felt like he was off the hook?

Anyway, after he left, I called Melissa and was like WTF. We decided that the best way to confirm that Patches O'Grady and Patches O'Houlihan were the same person would be to find out what kind of car Jason's roommate drives. JACKPOT. Patches O'Houlihan drives a black Nissan Xterra...just like my dear manfriend Patches O'Grady...how curious...

After hearing this, I obviously couldn't contain myself and wound up calling him right then. He shockingly picked up (I didn't think he would after our earlier convo). I told him that I knew for sure that he was lying to me, and that I didn't care that he lied, because sometimes I tell guys that my name is Chloe, but that I needed him to acknowledge the lie so we could forget about it and move on.

Finally, he goes, "will that make things better?" I said, "yes, 100%," and he then conceded, "yeah, I did." I asked him why, and he said it was to avoid, "stalker shit." The irony of that reasoning is hilarious to me, because we wound up figuring out who he really is without even meaning to and without his real name. After he admitted it, he sounded incredibly bummed, but I'm not sure why. My theory is that he realized that by discovery his real name, I must have also uncovered the lie about his job. Melissa and I agree that he was probably embarrassed about this and felt like an idiot for trying to make himself look better.

I told him it didn't change anything and that I still wanted to bang him, and that I wasn't going to stalk him or want to date him, etc., but that I just wanted him to be honest. He told me he'd still check on that date for me (again, surprising, I didn't think he would), and that was that.

OH MY LIFE.

A second update for this post: Patches and I briefly talked on Friday because I wanted to confirm that he wouldn't be able to come to the wedding. He apparently has another wedding to go to on the 20th, so he can't take two weekends in a row off from work. I told him no worries, and to have a fun Memorial Day Weekend. He immediately responded with, "Are you mad at me? Are you going to be around this weekend?" I guess that means we're still a go..! Get ready for some more updates my friendlies!!

XOXO - Christine

P.S. I hope everyone had an awesome weekend full of beer, BBQ's, and fun! Mine was pretty low-key, but very relaxing. I went to NH for a few days, and then returned to Boston and spent all day today hanging out with Melissa and one of my new neighbors (Hey Andrew) on the roof deck. We also have new neighbors upstairs who seem cool, so it's looking like we might have a more dormstyle living situation in the buidling this summer. I love the idea of everyone partying together and hanging out on the roof, so I'm beyond pumped for the coming months and I hope you guys are too!