"I'm on a horse..."

Ohhhhhh friends, do I have a fab-u-lous Friday afternoon story for you! While I'm writing it up in this here blog for you, please enjoy the following internet selections to keep you boredom at bay:

1. Isaiah Mustafa, aka the Old Spice man, as your voicemail greeting. And a link to his very intriguing Wikipedia page.

2. In addition, here is the just-released trailer for the movie, "The Town," which was filmed on location in Boston. As a resident of the North End, I often came home to flyers taped on my building with detailed filming schedules of when and where they'd be having car chases and errant explosions, and not to freak out when there was a large boom and a car speeding away. Fun facts? the building they pretend is a bank is actually a very nice and nearly brand new laundromat, and the street the cars speed up throughout the trailer? That's Margaret Street, where I lived when I first moved to Boston three years ago.

Also filmed on Margaret Street? Try the Boy Like Girls video for Hero/Heroine. I was actually home that day (a hungover Sunday) and heard this ridiculous hipster singing the same song over and over again. I was finally so annoyed that I threw on some real people clothes (aka not my dress from the night before), and stormed out of my building, smack into a massive video camera on a rolling track. I apologized to the guy behind the lens and wandered off to run some errands before returning and realizing that this wasn't some no-budget student film being taped. I mingled with the band for a bit, which was fun because I'd never heard of them and wasn't THAT fangirl. It turns out that the lead singer was sick and downing dayquil like is was his job, and he was just as unhappy doing 32 takes as I was listening to him. Overall, he was a very cool guy and the band couldn't have been nicer.

If you watch the video, look out for the scenes with the cab parked on a slight hill where the lead guy is saying goodbye to his girlfriend, because that's Margaret Street again! Very exciting stuff.


Anyway, that's it for now if I have a prayer of getting Wednesday night's ridiculousness posted before you all clock out for the day...

XOXO - Christine

New Feature = Music Mondays!!

Welcome to your very first Music Monday my friends! Those of you who know me personally know that I have extremely eclectic taste in music. The playlist I'm currently listening to is a mix of dirty rap, country, love songs that alternately make me smile slash want to die inside, and, of course, Vampire Weekend. In addition to loving a variety of music, I also tend to discover certain songs before everyone else catches on to how great they are, like La Roux's "Bulletproof," which I've loved since it came out last year, but is only now getting major radio play.

In that spirit, I'm going to start posting music recommendations and videos each Monday for your viewing/listening pleasure. Some of it will be brand spankin' new, some will be old school, and all of it will be awesome in one way or another. I'm basically going to post whatever I've been awkwardly blasting as I zoom around the city with my windows rolled down, and I hope you love it as much as I do!

Enjoy....

This week, I'm recommending 16 songs that have been in heavy rotation on my itunes. Just because it's been gorgeous out lately, I'll begin with Vampire Weekend's "A-Punk," off their self-titled 2008 album, and "Cousins" and "Giving up the Gun" from their most recent album, "Contra." See "Cousins" below:



If you love Vampire Weekend like I do, then you'll probably also enjoy Pheonix's "1901" and Gyptain's "Hold You," which is my top cruising-around-the-city song at the moment. You should also check out Black Kids, specifically "I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend to Dance with You," anything by MGMT, and if you must, Sleigh Bells, though I think they're a bit overrated at the moment. Here is Pheonix, live on Letterman:



Bob Sinclair's "World, Hold On," might do the trick for you as well, but I have to be honest and say that I much preferred his smash hit, "Love Generation," which was the theme song to my senior year of college. Alright, fuck it, I'm offically endorsing "Love Generation" over "World, Hold On," but I'm too lazy to change the playlist, so....deal.



Moving right along....if you're a country music lover, then I'm probably not telling you anything new when I recommend the Zac Brown Band's "Toes," but summer is upon us and I couldn't resist adding it to the playlist. On the country front, I've also been loving "Gimme That Girl" by Joe Nichols, the same guy responsible for "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off." Compare and contrast below:





If you're a fan of the hot mess that is Ke$ha, then you'll love her latest singles, "Take it Off" and "Your Love is My Drug." Favorite line? "So I got a question, do you want to have a slumber party in my basement; do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum; is my love your drug?"



If you're in the mood for hip hop, then definitely check out "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" by the comeback kid, Lloyd Banks. Best line? "She always ready, to give me that Becky. Last time it was so good I almost crashed my Bentley." I like to think that I'm up on the latest lingo, but what the fuck is a Becky? A new name for a blow jay? So strange.



I can't not mention "Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams from Paramore, because it's just so damn good for shouting along (or interperetively dancing) to in the car.



On that note....I'm still pissed that I never bought tickets to this year's SummerJam. Perhaps a little Jason Derulo will cheer me up?



Yup...that definitely did the trick!

Next up we have Trey Songz, with "Neighbors Know My Name," which should be added to everyone's sex mixes ASAP. The video is hot, but involves a tub of milk, which is just a tad too awk, even for this blog.

My final recommendations are best suited for those times when you're either crazy happy and want to fully embrace it, or for the times when shit is so bad that you just need to wallow for a while. Enter Colbie Callait with the epically depressing "I Never Told You."



And Angel Taylor, with the slightly more cheerful, "Like You Do."



Whew, that was a lot. Next week I'll probably only be recommending a few new songs, but I figured I'd start Music Mondays with a bang. I hope you guys enjoyed my random assortment of songs and I'll be back soon!

XOXO - Christine

"Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth..."

Cannot describe my love for this song with words, so here's the video:

This song, and pretty much anything by Vampire Weekend, immediately transports me to my lake house, where I'm surrounded by water, sun, and friends, and am generally loving life. What I'm trying to say is that it would be basically impossible for this song to not put a smile on my face.

Speaking of Vampire Weekend, I was listening to "Oxford Comma" for the thousandth time the other week and my mind was BLOWN by a lyrical revelation. Ready for it? Skip to 1:41 to hear the slickest Lil' Jon shout out ever (no "YEAAAHHH, OKAAYYY" here).

Incredible, right? In case you missed it, the song goes: "First it's to the window, then it's to the wall; Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth..." Too funny that it took me well over two years to notice haha.

Anyway lovers, I hope you've all had wonderful weeks and I will be posting a break-up/life update later tonight or tomorrow!

XOXO - Christine

Stuff Hipsters Hate

Hilarious new website; kind of along the lines of StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, but with a stronger focus on hipsterdom. Check out this screenshot:
XOXO - Christine

Stuff White People Like (dot com)

For those of you who aren't aware, StuffWhitePeopleLike.com is one of my favorite websites of all time. I was perusing it today, and I realized that I had yet to post about it on my illustrious blog! The basic premise of this site is that they give advice to non-white people on how to best blend in with white society based on a 100+ point list of things that white people enjoy. Below is a list of some of my all time favorites, either because they apply to me, or because they only apply to left wing hippies and I therefore find them to be humorous.

#1 Coffee - Fact. I actually just downed two Starbucks Double Shot Energy + Coffee drinks, so I fully support this as being the first post on SWPL.com. Watch this clip from Bring it On: All or Nothing for further assessment of white people's number one love:

#17 Hating Their Parents - A favorite past time of white people the world over! You don't even need to be angsty or liberal to enjoy this one. The supposed hatred most often stems from a long ago childhood incident where the parent forgot to pick up said child at school, or made a critical comment about their lifestyle. It's all been downhill from there, for reasons that the parents will neither remember nor understand.

#27 Marathons - I am one of ten white people in the world who has yet to/will never run a marathon, but everyone else seems to LOVE them. Personally, I don't understand the appeal; I'd much rather enjoy some form of water sport.

#36 Breakfast Places - I would honestly not survive life without the occasional brunch.

#38 Arrested Development - Anyone who dislikes this show is no friend of mine. Just saying...the Bluths are phenomenal, and according to my former roommate, Rob, I am Lindsay Bluth. I don't see it, but sure, I'll roll with it.

#40 Apple Products - White people without Apple products are appropriately shunned like the freaks they are. I feel comfortable saying that, as the proud owner of two macbooks, an iPod, and an iPhone, I will never be a social outcast and can always count on the nice hipsters at the Apple Store to pretend to be my friends. Great success!

#51 Living by the Water - FACT. My parents will only purchase waterfront property, and so far in life I have lived on a river, by a lagoon, on the ocean, on a lake, and by a harbor. Best/most accurate line in this post: "On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning oceanfront property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog."

#54 Kitchen Gadgets - Oh dear lord do white people like kitchen gadgets. Magic Bullet? Food Processor? Smoothie Makers? Blenders? Coffee Makers? Cheese Slicers? Tomato Slicers? You name it, and Jenn or I have owned it. I'm willing to bet that they don't even bother airing those late night kitchen gadget (and Body by Jake) infomercials in places like Hotlanta. Everyone knows that down there, they show ads for Roscoe's and re-runs of SnoopDogg's Fatherhood. And no friends, I'm not being racist. Proof? According to Brown Bear, one of his female friends was wandering down a hotel hallway a few years ago when she ran into Jamie Foxx. He made her show multiple forms of identification and then railed her. In the morning, she woke up to find him eating a breakfast buffet of fried chicken and waffles. Fact.

#69 Mos Def - The Wayne Brady of hip hop.

#76 Bottles of Water - Tap water is for the homeless, who can't afford to care about the impurities they ingest daily. According to my mildly gay ex, pork is also for poor people, but that's a whole other can o' worms. Side note: I used to trick him into eating it at least once a week.

#88 Having Gay Friends - The part about drafting friends is both incredibly offensive and secretly true. Fellow white people constantly try to prove that they are not racist or homophobic by referencing their one black friend or that time they kissed a chick in college (if they're a girl). People in our generation who glean the most satisfaction from the drafting and referencing of minority friends are those who seek to prove that they are at least 50% more open minded than their parents and the crazy grandmother from Wedding Crashers.
For example, my mother, though not blatantly and offensively racist, enjoys talking about her "good friend Henry," whenever discussions turn to racial issues. I then remind her that Henry was her caddy and that she hasn't seen him since the nineties. My father, on the other hand, is vehemently against gay marriage. We once had a discussion about this over dinner and I said that I support gay marriage, if for no other reason than it makes it easier for gay couples to adopt children. This is a key issue for me, as I was adopted.
Later on, my mom brought up the fact that she'd seen a baby bear in our backyard a few days prior. She said that she had thought about getting a gun in case the mother bear showed up. I said that she couldn't just go around shooting any animal that lumbers its way into our backyard and leave the poor cubs motherless. My father then interjected with, "MAYBE SOME GAY BEARS WOULD HAVE ADOPTED IT!" I'm pretty sure this was THE defining humorous moment in his life, and that every comment from here on out will be made in an effort to match the glory of this joke. Also see: #14 Having Black Friends.

#89 St. Patrick's Day - All I have to say is FACT.

#102 Children's Games as Adults - This is 100% accurate as long as alcohol is involved. Take for example my brilliant idea for this past weekend's flash card drinking game, where you use multiplication/geography flashcards meant for 8-year olds to get your friends retardedly drunk and embarrass them for not knowing the capital of Iraq, or New York for that matter.

#106 Facebook - So true, and the analysis is incredible.

#109 The Onion - Without satire, irony, and sarcasm, white people would whither and die. Kind of like the opposite of Superman and Kryptonite.

#115 Promising to Learn a New Language - I do this daily.

#118 Ugly Sweater Parties - Who doesn't like these? Oh wait, everybody except for white people who enjoy wearing flannel/reindeer sweaters/spandex ironically. Also see: #29 80's Parties.

#124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy - Self-explanatory.

Lovely. More to come.

XOXO - Christine

The 5 Men You Meet In Boston

Happy Monday friendlies! After Saturday night's run-in with the every Ed Hardy wearing D-bag in Boston, I've decided to write an anthropological post regarding the different kinds of men that you most often encounter in this extra-special city. Enjoy!

1. The Ed Hardy/Affliction Wearing D-Bag:
These creatures can most often be found unce-uncing it out around Boston with Eastern European girls/Guidettes at clubs such as Rumor and Venue. There is little variation in their physical traits, as they are all notoriously characterized by fake tans, spiked hair, and a pronounced lack of sideburns. They are never far from their Muscle Milk, and firmly believe that their bulging biceps negate the gayness of their bedazzled Ed Hardy t-shirts and tight jeans. Sadly, the rest of the world fails to follow this logic, and these men are left to hook up with slutty bitches who have tanned themselves into a new racial category. Avoid these men at all cost, unless you want to spend the morning after between these sheets:
Side note: TG, aka the Bed Wetter, wears Ed Hardy religiously. Though his wardrobe is excused by the fact that he's a great guy and not actually a d-bag, I probably should have seen that one coming. Also, once Liza Minelli has been spotted wearing your favorite t-shirt, it might be time to reevaluate your style choices. I'm just saying...
2. The Consummate Boston Sports Fan:
These men are native New Englanders, and no matter what they're like during the off season, the second you mention a Boston sports team, they immediately revert to fanboydom. Much like in the movie Fever Pitch (which we stayed up til 6AM watching one Saturday night...lame), you must find a way to enjoy sports or your relationship is doomed to fail. Consider yourself cleared for take-off if you can see yourself taking this seriously:

(They're supposed to spell out Papi, not IPAP)

In case you unwittingly find yourself in a relationship with a Sox fan, here is a handy guide to his manboy brain. You're welcome:

3. The Middle Class Guy Who Doesn't Feel Like Trying Too Hard And Has Therefore Been Wearing The Same Clothes Since High School:


If you'd rather not spend every date sitting around a Quiznos listening to him talk about that one time he got sooo wasted he puked on the vice principal's car...then RUN. Enough said.

4. The Hipster/Slave to Trends:
While less intense than their counterpart, the NYC Urban Hipster/Brooklynite, the Boston Hipster is still a force to be reckoned with. Characterized by their tendency to rock month-old fads and trendy sneakers, this breed of man can run the gamut from questionably gay to skater chic, though they most often resemble a mix between Pharell Williams and "not gay" Chet from the Real World:


5. The NESCAC/Ivy League Educated Preppy Douchebag:
Yum. Can I just leave it at that? No? Okay, well then let me get a little more specific.

This guy is from a solid, waspy New England family. While they appear to be perfect from the outside, rest assured that Grandfather is not on speaking terms with Aunt Milly's children, because they rebuffed his offers to help them get into Yale. The fact that this happened twenty years ago makes no difference, he still treats them like the red headed stepchildren they are.

This guy grew up with a sister named Chloe, a brother named Foster, and two chocolate labs. He drives an SUV, played lacrosse at an ISL, and wears Madras unironically. He knows how to sail and uses the word "summer" as a verb, as in, "my family and I summer on Nantucket, what about yours?"
When the trashiness of Faneuil Hall finally gets to them, these boys can be found in all of their preppy glory at the Sail Loft, Four Winds, Tia's, and J.A. Stats. Their Lacoste alligators and Vineyard Vines whales serve as Batman style beacons, attracting pearl-wearing lady prepsters (aka all of my friends) in droves, allowing them to be discriminating in their selection of females. Their douchebaggery is only rivaled by that of the Ed Hardy wearing guidos, but is thankfully of a more hilarious, and therefore more acceptable, variety.

If you're still confused as to whether or not the man you've brought home is a preppy d-bag, and his pink polo is on your floor and out of reach, try grabbing your iPhone and checking out the first definition of preppy on Urban Dictionary. Got it? Good. If you manage to snag yourself one of these guys, get excited, because your future looks bright.

Alright bunnies, I hope I've dropped enough knowledge for you to get out there and snag yourself a man, or, if you're a guy, I truly hope that it's given you a chance to reevaluate your wardrobe and make the necessary adjustments...

As you've probably figured out, my man preference is clearly skewed towards the Preppy Douchebag, and my future wedding will look a little something like this, minus the tuxes, plus a nice khaki and navy blazer ensemble:
Don't worry though friendlies, that's many, many years away!

XOXO - Christine