I am durunk and Spanglish is hearrtbreaking

OMG. So I just got home and I am watching Spanglish . It's like 3am and it's the part where Tea Leoni admits that she's been having an affair for THREE MOTNHS. I literally watn to die for Adam Sandler's character.

Let's be real for a minute, I've totally cheated before, but that's sososo different than cheating on a husband, especially b/c I feel like I'll wind up marrying the first man I don't WANT to cheat on. Even in a marriage, I'm a firm believer that ONE discretion should NEVER be mentioned, but an actual affair must be acknowledged and the cheater must be the bigger person and leave, so that the cheatee can have the chance to think it through and get over the infidelity (not so they can get back together, but so they can move on). For me, an emotional affair would be SOOOOO much more damaging than a physical one, because really? Sex is just sex, but a connection? Now that's rare.

Also, I love Cloris Leachman.

XOXO - Chrsitine

p.s. literally, kill me.

p.p.s. You know the guy from the shamwow infomercials? Well, he's a legit methhead. He was totes caugth after he bagned up a hooker b/c she bit him. Hollaaaaa.

Incredible Match.com Find

So for those of you who aren't on Match.com, you should know that each and every day, Match handpicks five new matches for you based on three things that you have in common. For example, they'll say, "Here's Steve; like you, he's a nonsmoker, an only child, and you both share an interest in golf." Then, they will provide you with your match's basic profile and a few photos. These matches are almost always the exact opposite of what I'm looking for, but provide me with much joy and laughter each day. Hell, I might continue my subscription just for the pure entertainment value of the Daily 5, nevermind my always amusing admirers.

Here is the most fantastic Daily 5 pick that I've come across so far, along with his "About Me" section:


"I'm an 18 year old college student just looking for a good time. I don't really need a serious relationship right now. Age really isn't a problem for me unless you're way over 40. My dream date would be dinner, movie, and a good time back at her place."


In-fucking-credible. What a creepshow. Honestly, if you're a college student who just wants to get laid, why do you need a dating website? It's called alcohol. Give enough to pretty much any freshman girl and you're golden. This kid clearly needs a mentor to help him navigate the whole getting action thing, because he's obviously not capable of hitting it on his own.

I'm sorry BCEagles06, but I think you need to get back to playing D&D in your parents' basement, because I don't think you're losing your v-card anytime soon with this strategy.

XOXO - Christine

Dan Deacon - Drinking Out of Cups

This is yet another video that I feel needs to be shared with the world. I first discovered this one a few years ago and couldn't get enough, but then kind of forgot about it until last week, when Demi Moore twittered that her daughter Scout had showed it to her.

The video is basically the visualization of someone's drunken/tripping monologue and observations of what's going on around them. It's pretty great.



Lighthouses rule. You don't like the lighthouses? You suck.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

Late Night Discoveries

So, I couldn't sleep last night (what else is new), but for once, I decided to put my insomnia to good use and make some totally brilliant discoveries!!

Discovery #1: Gino the Ginny. This internet superstar came on the scene in 2005 as a 10-year old trash talker from Dirty Jerz. His cousin, Renzo, coached him and taught him how to be like all of the guidotastic toolbags you run into on the shore and in the B&T clubs. Basically, it's amazing.



His myspace is www.myspace.com/ginomania and his youtube page is http://www.youtube.com/user/GINOTHEGINNY.

Discovery #2: This is not so much a new discovery as an oldie from Lee that needed to see the light of day again. Leah thinks that the best part of this clip is the amateur sketch. In that spirit, I will be drawing an amateur sketch for tomorrow's post about my date this past Wednesday night. Until then, please enjoy this clip!



Alright my bunnies, time to get ready for tonight's date!

More to come tomorrow.

XOXO - Christine

FML - Match.com Date #1

Hello bunnies! I hope you all had a spectacular week and are looking forward to an exciting weekend! I, for one, had quite the ridiculous week, courtesy of Match.com. Let me explain...

Last Friday night, Jenn and I went out to Revere to see the movie, "I Love You, Man," which was hilarious and awesome. After the movie, we headed back into the city and Jenn went over to her boyfriend's place. I was crazy tired and feeling run down, so I decided to stay in and rest up in order to rally for Saturday.

Well, it was getting late and I couldn't sleep, so I logged onto Match and AIM for a little entertainment. As soon as I signed onto Match, this kid I've exchanged a few e-mails with IM'd me. We talked for a little while, and he suggested we grab a few drinks, right then. I thought it over, and decided that I wasn't really interested in him, but it could still be fun.

A little while later, he biked (yes, biked) over from the South End and we walked down by the wharf to have a few beers. It was getting chilly, and he seemed cool enough, so we wound up back in the apartment. After a few rounds of Drunken Jumbling Tower (aka ghetto Jenga), he turned to me and asked if he could stay over. The obvious answer was a resounding NO, but instead of respecting that and going on his way, HE THREW A TEMPER TANTRUM.

Like, this kid legitimately flipped his shit and started yelling at me. He called me an "elitist bitch" and told me that the only way people get into prep school is for athletic scholarships (he had one for wrestling) or when their parents buy their way in. Appalled, I began making shit up and telling him that I had a perfect score on my SSATs and that he could go fuck himself. He continued to yell at me irrationally, so I kicked him the hell out and told him to have fun never getting laid.

He then proceeded to call me during his bike ride home to yell some more about how not awesome he thought I was. I hung up. Obviously.

New life goal: find a man who doesn't whine like a 5-year old.

More to come!

XOXO - Christine

The Best of the Worst

Here are some photos of the most hilariously awkward men who have looked at my profile/winked at/e-mailed me on Match.com in the past week.  Enjoy!

Hot but SOOOOO Ricky-Martin-trapped-in-the-closetesque:

Clearly a LARPer:Oh boy, I don't even know where to begin:

All I have to say is wow, just...WOW.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

Britney Recap

Hey loves, I hope you're all having a fab-u-lous hump day!

So, as I said in my last post, the Britney concert was awesome! While, the dancing, lip syncing, and use of props were all on point, my favorite part of the experience was watching this stellar lesbian couple alternate between making out, caressing each other's necks, and squabbling THE ENTIRE TIME:

Poor Jenn, they were sitting directly in front of her and were incapable of just sitting the fuck down and enjoying the show like two normal human beings. The short haired blondish one had clearly convinced her punk rock Amy Winehouse-esque lover into coming to the concert, probably by pushing it as some kind of public foreplay after hearing that Britney's pussy's been hanging out.

However, the princess of darkness was clearly not having it and actually slapped her skunky Ellen Degeneres looking gf across the face. After some heavy petting and sensual neck caresses, they made up. Only to begin fighting again 5 minutes later. This went on until, the Glesbian (goth lesbian), who obviously thought she was way too hard and edgy to be at a Britney concert, finally put her foot down and made her doormat of a girlfriend leave the show early.

All I have to say is that you're lucky you're a lesbian, my little tattoo eyebrowed friend. A guy would NEVER put up with that shit. You should have been thrilled to be at a Britney show, surrounded by scantily clad teenagers/40-year olds. If you were dating a dude, you would have been stuck pouting at a Celtics game with a guy who would've told you to suck it up instead of being such a bitch. GET OVER YOURSELF.

Okay, enough venting! More posts to come later, namely regarding match.com, my weekend, and commentary on the wide variety of inspirational facial hair I saw around town yesterday.

XOXO - Christine

It's Britney, Bitch!

Hey guys! So tonight's Britney concert was UNREAL. There are so many things I want to tell you about! Unfortunately, I'm exhausted, so you'll just have to check out this video of the finale for now and I will do some aggressive posting tomorrow:



I turned the camera to my right a few times to try and capture our new gay bff rocking out, but I kind of failed. Apologies, because his FAB-U-LOUS-NESS really needed to be shared with the world haha.

XOXO - Christine

Slainte!

So it's 12:15 and I JUST cracked my first beer. Incredibly depressing, considering that if I were up at school, I'd be face down in a snowbank by now, and if I were in DC, I'd be in the midst of my annual slap fight with my friend Charlie:
I mean, this is Boston people! The most Irish city in America! The home of the very first St. Patrick's Day celebration EVER in the United States!! I just don't get why our day of glorious drinking begins at 1PM instead of at 5AM, like in Maine and DC. I also am sad that this year I lacked the foresight to purchase some spectacular green tights like the ones I wore last year. They were both hot looking and practical for climate control purposes. Granted, it's only 43 degrees right now, but still, it's Doghead, FUCK PANTS. Exhibit A from last year:
All I'm saying, is that while the end result will be the same (me, passed out in an inappropriate locale), the journey just won't be the same. Last year, we got to the party at 6AM, left at 6PM, and this is all I remember from those 12 fun-filled hours: a game of beirut, a keg toss, smoking some weed behind the neighbor's house, sitting on the stoop, chatting with some cops, eating a hot dog bun, and getting into a slapfight with Charlie.

Regardless of what I can or cannot remember, the 120 photos I took prove that I had the best time ever. Even better than my senior year when I started partying at 7PM and didn't stop until I disrobed and passed out in some random sophomore's bunkbed, while he was in it, around 10AM the next day. Even better than junior year, when we rented out Champs for a 6AM dance party and I stumbled out into the daylight with MGE and hitchhiked back to campus before noon. Even better than freshman year when Doghead was canceled and rioting ensued. Definitely better than going in for questioning after a bunch of football players tossed a couch out the window of my dorm and onto a dean's car during said riots.

However, it was NOT better than sophomore Doghead, which was my only *true* Doghead experience, since it was held at an off campus house with 40 kegs of green beer and a bar made out of snow. I remember getting there around 7AM after pregaming on campus for awhile and being in complete awe. I'd been to plenty of off campus parties before, but this was SO much more intense.

The massive backyard was packed with drunken prepsters rocking every green item they owned. For me, this meant PJ capris (poor choice), a sweatshirt, my green pumas, and a coordinating scarf. I spent the day toeing the hypothermia line, but couldn't have cared less. At one point, the Sarahs and I scaled a snowbank to pee, since the bathrooms in the house were blocked off, and I remember sitting there being too cold to know if I'd gone or not. I also booted every color of the Irish flag that day, in order, thanks to lots of green beer, some dry heaving, and a few screwdrivers.

God I miss college.

Alright, Bobby's here, time to get my BOOOOOZE on!!

XOXO - Christine

I Miss College - Part One

Watching the movie, "College." Just heard the following:

Carter: Uh, so you guys going on some sort of road trip to Fieldmont this weekend?
Fletcher: I just went there to visit my bro. I almost didn't make it back.
Carter: Almost didn't make it back? Dude, it's just college.
Fletcher: Yeah, see that's what I thought...I didn't sleep for three days, okay? I don't have any money left in my bank account, I maxed out my parents credit card which was only supposed to be used in case of emergency, I tried smoking a tampon because I thought it was a joint; STILL got high, wet my brother's bed twice, stole a car, got in a bar fight, ate some gold fish, played naked frisbee, found a tattoo on my lower back of a unicorn, don't remember gettin that...I laughed, I cried...all in all I'd say I was the best weekend of my life.

While I've definitely never done the majority of the things listed above (I don't think many people have), my college experience was still insane. I can't even begin to tell you how many random places I passed out around campus (the Heights bathroom, the Coburn lawn, UNDER my own bed, on strangers' couches...) or how many bad decisions I made (short answer: MANY). Somehow, I managed to not only survive, but to graduate. And yes, it still counts even though I went to graduation hungover as shit and kind of passed out during one of the speeches...whoops. That's nothing compared to J.P. Jr. who showed up sans pants, plus a 30 rack, which he handed out and drank during the ceremony. Stellar times.

God I miss college.

XOXO - Christine

Walk of Shame Kit

So, just came across this magical invention called, "The Walk of Shame Kit," and I'm pretty sure I need to order myself one (or twenty).  Heads up friendlies, this is what you'll all be getting for your next birthdays.  Except for Jenn, who will be getting an apron, some brownie mix, and a refrigerated box addressed to me.  Don't blame me, you're the one who's baked goods are to die for!

So not only does this spectacular kit come with a backpack, a pre-pasted toothbrush, handi-wipes, and a note card (should you wish to leave your drooling prince charming una mensaje), but it also includes a cotton dress, flip flops, and sunglasses, so you don't have to trek across the city dressed like this: 

You. Are. Welcome.

XOXO - Christine

I Love My Friends - Part Deux

The following is a fb chat I just had with another one of my guy friends regarding the awkwardness that is my life (and his too):

BR: Hey you

Me:  Hey, what's up?

BR:  Not too much, how's everything these days?

Me:  In response to the disaster that was my weekend at school, and at the insistence of my two friends who are on JDate, I have joined Match.com and am on a crash diet.

BR:  ah, how exciting

Me:  500 calories a day is NOT enough to sustain me while I spend my days browsing the profiles of eligible Bostonians!!

BR:  Haha

Me:  I have gotten a lot of messages and winks, but I refuse to respond to winks.

BR:  Hahaha

Me:  You're already behind the veil of anonymity people!  Man up and use your words to send a girl an e-mail!  Winking is a ploy to get girls to make the first move and I'm just not having it.

-Insert agreement and topic change-

Me:  So how's life for you?  Are you and [redacted] done for good?

BR:  Well, we broke up around x-mas, but we've hooked up a few times since then.

Me:  During one of those hook-ups, did you turn to her and ask how it felt to be fucking the future leader of the free world? Because that's what my mildly gay ex (aka MGE) did to me when we banged it out post-break up.  

BR:  Haha, can't say I've ever said that...

Me:  Yup, and afterwards he said that he needed his sleep because he was going on a mission for the CIA in the morning.  

BR:  Wow, that's kind of strange.

Me:  This was Doghead two years ago.  It all started because he told me I looked like a whore for wearing green glitter, and I told him that everyone thought he was gay, so he should have glitter everywhere.

-Insert another topic change-

Me:  So, any potential lady friends up there?

BR:  Well, I hooked up with this one girl last weekend and she was like, "do you want to have sex" and I said, "no I want to go to sleep," and she said, "no, we are having sex."  And then she took advantage of me.

Me:  Haha OMG sketch central.

BR:  I know, right?

Me:  How drunk was she?

BR:  She was drunk, and what was funny is that she was normal with the lights on, but when she turned them off?  Oh god she was a freak!  

Me:  Hahaha YESS.

BR:  I woke up the next morning with scratches down my back.

Me:  Haha, that's awesome.

BR:  Yeah, I needed a break after that.  But there are a few I'm working on now, so I'll let you know how that goes...

Me:  Niiice.  I'm totally blogging this BTW.  What should I call the post?  

Me:  "Rough sex, make it hurt" is just so obvious.

BR:  Hahaha

Me:  For reals though, any input?  I think I'm having a bit of writer's block...probably due to the fact that I'm malnourished.

BR:  Haha, true.

JDate and Match and eHarm, Oh My!

So my bunnies, tonight's topic du jour is, you guessed it, online dating!

A while ago, my friends and I were having a discussion about various online dating sites and whether or not we deemed online dating to be desperate or resourceful. A few of them seemed open to the idea and one had even joined eHarmony, but I was adamantly against the concept. While I appreciated the implied convenience of screening potential dates before actually wasting your time with them, I argued that those sites must be full of ogreish men who were too shy and/or ugly to approach girls in person. Exhibit A:

Well, my friendlies, it turns out that I was right...and wrong.
Let me explain...

So remember last week, when I was recovering from the Manbaby Fiasco of 2009? Well, my friend BCBG came over to cheer me up and we wound up spending some quality time browsing her JDate matches...suffice it to say, it was both magical and hilarious. While there were ogres and d-bags aplenty, there was also a healthy smattering of normal looking, well-adjusted man situations in the mix.

After BCBG explained how the whole process of online dating works, and I think a bit of the stigma dissolved for me. I'm nowhere near ready to settle down yet, but I wouldn't mind casually dating, and it's nearly impossible to meet suitable men in bars these days. Yes, you can meet a nice guy with whom you're compatible, but that always almost ends in a one night stand, not a first date. So, with BCBG's guidance, I've gone viral with my love life...

Initially, I signed up for eHarmony, but quickly realized that their method of matching people based on their "29 dimensions" was not going to work. Despite my preference settings, eHarm was convinced that my perfect match is approximately 5'6" and 32-years old. Not okay eHarm, not okay.

After my hate/hate relationship with eHarm ended prematurely, I joined the infamous Match.com. Within an hour, I had 5 winks (mostly from creeps) and a few messages. I deleted all but one, and he and I have been messaging back and forth since then, so we shall see! I'm so sorry TonyBaby1524, but your epic guidotastic-ness just doesn't do it for me. Prep school and a lack of sideburns are mutually exclusive, or didn't you know?

Well, that's it for now friendlies. Many more updates to come on this fascinating topic!

XOXO - Christine

American Idol - The Top 13

So Jenn and I are currently watching American Idol and I am still devastated by the loss of my dearest love, Norman Gentle. However, I'm working hard to get back on the horse and connect with the non-sweat band wearing members of the cast.

***HOLY SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS KANYE WEARING?? Kanye is performing Heartless and Jenn has just pointed out that he is rocking a sweet Canadian Tuxedo with a denim buttondown underneath. Kanye, I know the recession is hitting everyone hard, and that you're just trying to show your solidarity, but visually assaulting us with this much denim is not the way to alleviate the pain of the masses. Please, please, go back to rocking your Louis Vuitton kicks, grandpa sweaters, and bandanas ASAP, or the engagement's off. Sorry booboo, that's just how I roll.***

Alright, Kanye's left the stage...back to your regular post. Right now, we're digging Anoop, Chris Allen, and The Widower. I'm also partial to Oil Rig Man (mostly because I'd totally hit that) and the emo rocking kid who looks like the lead singer from Boys Like Girls (who I actually met last spring when he filmed a music video directly in front of my apartment building). Jenn also likes Lil Rounds and Rockin' Robin, but predicts that it'll come down to The Widower and Finding Emo in the final two.

However, we are both decidedly NOT into Jorge, who is up against our beloved Anoop as I type. Here is the discussion that we just had:

Me: Jorge is gross, he needs to go home.

Jenn: Yeah, I don't like him at all. Anoop better not go home!

Me: Jorge can't make it, he's not marketable and he looks like a total date rapist.

Jenn: I think he looks gay. He gives off that I-like-getting-pounded-in-the-ass vibe.

Spoiler: Anoop stays, the gayish potential date rapist goes.

That's it for now kids.

XOXO - Christine

Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced

So next week is St. Patrick's Day, and being Irish, I have to celebrate in a big way. I'm the type of girl who's indifferent to Valentine's Day as a holiday, but I'm distraught if I don't have something awesome to do on St. Paddy's Day. This is a photo from my first real Doghead, back in 2005:

Last year I went down to DC for DC Doghead, which was incredible. This year we'll be doing a pub crawl around Faneuil, starting at 11AM. Not quite as intense as the past five years of Doghead madness, but it should be fun. I hope you guys all have exciting things planned for the most holy of all days!

Photos and stories to come!

XOXO - Christine

Watchmen

So there's a new movie out right now based on the graphic novel "Watchmen," that I read for a creative writing class in college. And by read I mean that never once opened it haha.  However, if I'd known a then that the "graphic" in "graphic novel" referred to the serious amount of penis on display, I totally would have taken a gander at my book. Dr. Manhattan (the huge, blue, glowing dude) was naked the entire movie, and his glowing appendage was equally large.

Rob and I went to see the movie on Sunday night with one of his roommates and it was pretty decent.  Despite not reading the novel, I successfully called out the killer within the first five minutes of the movie.  Hint:  Pay attention to the killer's stature in the first scene.  

Though I felt like the first half moved at a snail's pace, the second half of the movie was excellently done.  The plot really came together and everything began to play out in a big, disastrous way. The cinematography was beautiful and the characters were finally fully developed.

My two favorite scenes were actually the very hot slash funny sex scenes.  The first bang sesh was between Dr. Manhattan and the younger Miss Jupiter.  It was hot until you (and she) suddenly realized that there were four hands on her, not just two.  She sits up and sees that there are two Dr. M's and begins yelling at one of them for multiplying, until she spots a third Dr. M out by the nuclear reactor. He says he thought she'd be into it and she flips out and leaves.

Which leads us to bang sesh number two...Miss Jupiter and the other guy.  After rescuing a gaggle of immigrants from a burning building, they totally get after it in the space pod.  It was incredibly hot, and I've never wanted to purchase a patent leather bodysuit more.  All in all I think it was worth checking out.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

I Love My Friends

The following is part of a convo with one of my girl friends regarding Manbaby. She met him a few years ago and hasn't seen him since.

Me: So remember that kid [redacted] that I was supposed to stay with this weekend?

S: Oh yeah, he went to high school with [redacted].

Me: Well he ditched me for another girl and I had to hitchhike home.

-insert convo about how fratty lax players feel overly entitled-

S: What's your login info? I want to see him again.

Me: It's [redacted].

S: WTF, he got super fat!

Me: Yeah, but I didn't know that until this weekend when I was too blackout to care.

S: He's a chubby wubby.

Me: How the hell did he get another girl? I mean, that is just NOT sexy. Whatev, I totally dodged a bullet on this one.

S: He looks like he should be working behind the counter at a deli!

Me: Hahaha, OMG I love you.

Love it. Thanks for making me feel better bunny! Totally necessary when shit like this happens.

XOXO - Christine

I Love College

So...the trip to school was a hilarious disaster, hence me waiting a week or so to post about it. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely a lot of fun, but that's mostly because I don't remember the parts where I was enraged and/or distraught. From here on out, the guy I was supposed to stay with will be referred to as "Manbaby." Thanks to Anna for coining the term.

Long story short:

The boys and I got trashed, I drank a bottle of champagne out of a coffee pot, we stumbled to the party, and I had fun until I blacked out. The next thing I know, it's 6AM and I'm waking up in a hotel room with 3 of the boys, confused as hell as to why I'm not at Manbaby's place.

Apparently I was having a blast at the party until Manbaby showed up. I don't remember interacting with him at all, but I guess I completely flipped out because he wasn't excited to see me, even though he'd been begging me to visit for months. He then LEFT WITH ANOTHER GIRL.

Then, I had to HITCHHIKE back to the hotel, while leaving sobbing voicemails for everyone I know.

Awesome times. Thanks to Teague for filling me in on all of the details over a lovely early morning breakfast at Bonnie's, where we were surrounded by the elderly:

Manbaby called me later that day to make sure I was alive. I told him that I'd contemplated sending him a photo of me in a ditch, but that it wasn't worth the effort. He said he'd call me later to talk things out, but clearly never did, hence the name Manbaby.

At the time, it sucked, but I had a blast with my friends (minus the drama) so all in all it was a good time. Also, Manbaby got fat, so it's probably better that I didn't have to wake up next to him and then chew off my arm to get away haha.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine