This is an awesome Miles Fisher cover of "This Must Be The Place" by the Talking Heads. The video is an homage to the movie "American Psycho," which makes perfect sense as I can't watch that movie or listen to the "Talking Heads" without feeling the irrepressible need to do blow or kill hookers. Also, fun fact, the blonde chick is Lydia Hearst of the Hearst magazine empire. Her parents must be SO proud...enjoy!
Have fun out there this weekend!
XOXO - Christine
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
And This is Why I Love Weddings
Check out this video of a couple (and their entire wedding party) rocking their CEREMONY, not their reception:
Here's the convo Ali and I just had regarding said video:
Me: Yo, watch the video.
Ali: Who's wedding is this?
Me: I have no idea haha.
Ali: hahaha amazing, but you're supposed to do the rando dances entering the reception, not the church!
Me: haha I know, but this is even better, it sets the vibe!
Ali: What, that people are going to get shitfaced?
Me: Haha, exactly.
Ali: OMG love the jazz hands down the aisle.
Me: This is incredible.
Ali: Those poor grandparents. They're standing there like, "wtf is this shit?"
Me: Hahahaha
Fucking PHENOMENAL.
XOXO - Christine
Here's the convo Ali and I just had regarding said video:
Me: Yo, watch the video.
Ali: Who's wedding is this?
Me: I have no idea haha.
Ali: hahaha amazing, but you're supposed to do the rando dances entering the reception, not the church!
Me: haha I know, but this is even better, it sets the vibe!
Ali: What, that people are going to get shitfaced?
Me: Haha, exactly.
Ali: OMG love the jazz hands down the aisle.
Me: This is incredible.
Ali: Those poor grandparents. They're standing there like, "wtf is this shit?"
Me: Hahahaha
Fucking PHENOMENAL.
XOXO - Christine
Monday, July 20, 2009
Stuff White People Like (dot com)
For those of you who aren't aware, StuffWhitePeopleLike.com is one of my favorite websites of all time. I was perusing it today, and I realized that I had yet to post about it on my illustrious blog! The basic premise of this site is that they give advice to non-white people on how to best blend in with white society based on a 100+ point list of things that white people enjoy. Below is a list of some of my all time favorites, either because they apply to me, or because they only apply to left wing hippies and I therefore find them to be humorous.
#1 Coffee - Fact. I actually just downed two Starbucks Double Shot Energy + Coffee drinks, so I fully support this as being the first post on SWPL.com. Watch this clip from Bring it On: All or Nothing for further assessment of white people's number one love:
#17 Hating Their Parents - A favorite past time of white people the world over! You don't even need to be angsty or liberal to enjoy this one. The supposed hatred most often stems from a long ago childhood incident where the parent forgot to pick up said child at school, or made a critical comment about their lifestyle. It's all been downhill from there, for reasons that the parents will neither remember nor understand.
#27 Marathons - I am one of ten white people in the world who has yet to/will never run a marathon, but everyone else seems to LOVE them. Personally, I don't understand the appeal; I'd much rather enjoy some form of water sport.
#36 Breakfast Places - I would honestly not survive life without the occasional brunch.
#38 Arrested Development - Anyone who dislikes this show is no friend of mine. Just saying...the Bluths are phenomenal, and according to my former roommate, Rob, I am Lindsay Bluth. I don't see it, but sure, I'll roll with it.
#40 Apple Products - White people without Apple products are appropriately shunned like the freaks they are. I feel comfortable saying that, as the proud owner of two macbooks, an iPod, and an iPhone, I will never be a social outcast and can always count on the nice hipsters at the Apple Store to pretend to be my friends. Great success!
#51 Living by the Water - FACT. My parents will only purchase waterfront property, and so far in life I have lived on a river, by a lagoon, on the ocean, on a lake, and by a harbor. Best/most accurate line in this post: "On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning oceanfront property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog."
#54 Kitchen Gadgets - Oh dear lord do white people like kitchen gadgets. Magic Bullet? Food Processor? Smoothie Makers? Blenders? Coffee Makers? Cheese Slicers? Tomato Slicers? You name it, and Jenn or I have owned it. I'm willing to bet that they don't even bother airing those late night kitchen gadget (and Body by Jake) infomercials in places like Hotlanta. Everyone knows that down there, they show ads for Roscoe's and re-runs of SnoopDogg's Fatherhood. And no friends, I'm not being racist. Proof? According to Brown Bear, one of his female friends was wandering down a hotel hallway a few years ago when she ran into Jamie Foxx. He made her show multiple forms of identification and then railed her. In the morning, she woke up to find him eating a breakfast buffet of fried chicken and waffles. Fact.
#69 Mos Def - The Wayne Brady of hip hop.
#76 Bottles of Water - Tap water is for the homeless, who can't afford to care about the impurities they ingest daily. According to my mildly gay ex, pork is also for poor people, but that's a whole other can o' worms. Side note: I used to trick him into eating it at least once a week.
#88 Having Gay Friends - The part about drafting friends is both incredibly offensive and secretly true. Fellow white people constantly try to prove that they are not racist or homophobic by referencing their one black friend or that time they kissed a chick in college (if they're a girl). People in our generation who glean the most satisfaction from the drafting and referencing of minority friends are those who seek to prove that they are at least 50% more open minded than their parents and the crazy grandmother from Wedding Crashers.
For example, my mother, though not blatantly and offensively racist, enjoys talking about her "good friend Henry," whenever discussions turn to racial issues. I then remind her that Henry was her caddy and that she hasn't seen him since the nineties. My father, on the other hand, is vehemently against gay marriage. We once had a discussion about this over dinner and I said that I support gay marriage, if for no other reason than it makes it easier for gay couples to adopt children. This is a key issue for me, as I was adopted.
Later on, my mom brought up the fact that she'd seen a baby bear in our backyard a few days prior. She said that she had thought about getting a gun in case the mother bear showed up. I said that she couldn't just go around shooting any animal that lumbers its way into our backyard and leave the poor cubs motherless. My father then interjected with, "MAYBE SOME GAY BEARS WOULD HAVE ADOPTED IT!" I'm pretty sure this was THE defining humorous moment in his life, and that every comment from here on out will be made in an effort to match the glory of this joke. Also see: #14 Having Black Friends.
#89 St. Patrick's Day - All I have to say is FACT.
#102 Children's Games as Adults - This is 100% accurate as long as alcohol is involved. Take for example my brilliant idea for this past weekend's flash card drinking game, where you use multiplication/geography flashcards meant for 8-year olds to get your friends retardedly drunk and embarrass them for not knowing the capital of Iraq, or New York for that matter.
#106 Facebook - So true, and the analysis is incredible.
#109 The Onion - Without satire, irony, and sarcasm, white people would whither and die. Kind of like the opposite of Superman and Kryptonite.
#115 Promising to Learn a New Language - I do this daily.
#118 Ugly Sweater Parties - Who doesn't like these? Oh wait, everybody except for white people who enjoy wearing flannel/reindeer sweaters/spandex ironically. Also see: #29 80's Parties.
#124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy - Self-explanatory.
Lovely. More to come.
XOXO - Christine
#1 Coffee - Fact. I actually just downed two Starbucks Double Shot Energy + Coffee drinks, so I fully support this as being the first post on SWPL.com. Watch this clip from Bring it On: All or Nothing for further assessment of white people's number one love:
#17 Hating Their Parents - A favorite past time of white people the world over! You don't even need to be angsty or liberal to enjoy this one. The supposed hatred most often stems from a long ago childhood incident where the parent forgot to pick up said child at school, or made a critical comment about their lifestyle. It's all been downhill from there, for reasons that the parents will neither remember nor understand.
#27 Marathons - I am one of ten white people in the world who has yet to/will never run a marathon, but everyone else seems to LOVE them. Personally, I don't understand the appeal; I'd much rather enjoy some form of water sport.
#36 Breakfast Places - I would honestly not survive life without the occasional brunch.
#38 Arrested Development - Anyone who dislikes this show is no friend of mine. Just saying...the Bluths are phenomenal, and according to my former roommate, Rob, I am Lindsay Bluth. I don't see it, but sure, I'll roll with it.
#40 Apple Products - White people without Apple products are appropriately shunned like the freaks they are. I feel comfortable saying that, as the proud owner of two macbooks, an iPod, and an iPhone, I will never be a social outcast and can always count on the nice hipsters at the Apple Store to pretend to be my friends. Great success!
#51 Living by the Water - FACT. My parents will only purchase waterfront property, and so far in life I have lived on a river, by a lagoon, on the ocean, on a lake, and by a harbor. Best/most accurate line in this post: "On the East Coast, many white people dream of owning oceanfront property in New England, where they can make their lives as close as possible to a J. Crew catalog."
#54 Kitchen Gadgets - Oh dear lord do white people like kitchen gadgets. Magic Bullet? Food Processor? Smoothie Makers? Blenders? Coffee Makers? Cheese Slicers? Tomato Slicers? You name it, and Jenn or I have owned it. I'm willing to bet that they don't even bother airing those late night kitchen gadget (and Body by Jake) infomercials in places like Hotlanta. Everyone knows that down there, they show ads for Roscoe's and re-runs of SnoopDogg's Fatherhood. And no friends, I'm not being racist. Proof? According to Brown Bear, one of his female friends was wandering down a hotel hallway a few years ago when she ran into Jamie Foxx. He made her show multiple forms of identification and then railed her. In the morning, she woke up to find him eating a breakfast buffet of fried chicken and waffles. Fact.
#69 Mos Def - The Wayne Brady of hip hop.
#76 Bottles of Water - Tap water is for the homeless, who can't afford to care about the impurities they ingest daily. According to my mildly gay ex, pork is also for poor people, but that's a whole other can o' worms. Side note: I used to trick him into eating it at least once a week.
#88 Having Gay Friends - The part about drafting friends is both incredibly offensive and secretly true. Fellow white people constantly try to prove that they are not racist or homophobic by referencing their one black friend or that time they kissed a chick in college (if they're a girl). People in our generation who glean the most satisfaction from the drafting and referencing of minority friends are those who seek to prove that they are at least 50% more open minded than their parents and the crazy grandmother from Wedding Crashers.
For example, my mother, though not blatantly and offensively racist, enjoys talking about her "good friend Henry," whenever discussions turn to racial issues. I then remind her that Henry was her caddy and that she hasn't seen him since the nineties. My father, on the other hand, is vehemently against gay marriage. We once had a discussion about this over dinner and I said that I support gay marriage, if for no other reason than it makes it easier for gay couples to adopt children. This is a key issue for me, as I was adopted.
Later on, my mom brought up the fact that she'd seen a baby bear in our backyard a few days prior. She said that she had thought about getting a gun in case the mother bear showed up. I said that she couldn't just go around shooting any animal that lumbers its way into our backyard and leave the poor cubs motherless. My father then interjected with, "MAYBE SOME GAY BEARS WOULD HAVE ADOPTED IT!" I'm pretty sure this was THE defining humorous moment in his life, and that every comment from here on out will be made in an effort to match the glory of this joke. Also see: #14 Having Black Friends.
#89 St. Patrick's Day - All I have to say is FACT.
#102 Children's Games as Adults - This is 100% accurate as long as alcohol is involved. Take for example my brilliant idea for this past weekend's flash card drinking game, where you use multiplication/geography flashcards meant for 8-year olds to get your friends retardedly drunk and embarrass them for not knowing the capital of Iraq, or New York for that matter.
#106 Facebook - So true, and the analysis is incredible.
#109 The Onion - Without satire, irony, and sarcasm, white people would whither and die. Kind of like the opposite of Superman and Kryptonite.
#115 Promising to Learn a New Language - I do this daily.
#118 Ugly Sweater Parties - Who doesn't like these? Oh wait, everybody except for white people who enjoy wearing flannel/reindeer sweaters/spandex ironically. Also see: #29 80's Parties.
#124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy - Self-explanatory.
Lovely. More to come.
XOXO - Christine
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Casting Call for "America's Biggest Asshole"
So Ali just e-mailed me this link detailing the casting call for Spike's new reailty show, "America's Biggest Asshole." The open call began on Monday and ends tonight at 9 at Red Sky in Faneuil. As soon as I saw the name of the show, I knew exactly who to call...
At first, Jdubs thought I was just being a bitch, because I always tell him what a terrible human being he is...but then, I read him the description and he realized that he would indeed be a perfect candidate for this show. Unfortunately, he "doesn't do reality tv" and doesn't want to "fancy himself an asshole by trying out," so you won't be seeing him on this illustrous new venture from Spike.
Here is the description below for anyone who would like to try out or knows someone who NEEDS to be on this show:
"Can you irritate a perfect stranger? Are you quick on your feet? Can you handle a very strong personality? Are you a practical joker? Do your friends tell you that you have all the charm of Vince Vaughn, Denis Leary, and Stiffler rolled into one?
EVEN THOUGH SOME PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE HYSTERICAL, DO YOU HAPPEN TO PISS A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF?
Win cash, fame, and respect for your ability to say what mere mortals could only dream of saying! Audition for the new reality show 'America's Biggest A**Hole!' Come to one of the Open Calls, bring a photo and bio, and tell us your story!"
In-fucking-credible. I cannot wait for this show to air and am secretly hoping that Jdubs will try out despite his objections just now.
More to come!
XOXO - Christine
At first, Jdubs thought I was just being a bitch, because I always tell him what a terrible human being he is...but then, I read him the description and he realized that he would indeed be a perfect candidate for this show. Unfortunately, he "doesn't do reality tv" and doesn't want to "fancy himself an asshole by trying out," so you won't be seeing him on this illustrous new venture from Spike.
Here is the description below for anyone who would like to try out or knows someone who NEEDS to be on this show:
"Can you irritate a perfect stranger? Are you quick on your feet? Can you handle a very strong personality? Are you a practical joker? Do your friends tell you that you have all the charm of Vince Vaughn, Denis Leary, and Stiffler rolled into one?
EVEN THOUGH SOME PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE HYSTERICAL, DO YOU HAPPEN TO PISS A LOT OF PEOPLE OFF?
Win cash, fame, and respect for your ability to say what mere mortals could only dream of saying! Audition for the new reality show 'America's Biggest A**Hole!' Come to one of the Open Calls, bring a photo and bio, and tell us your story!"
In-fucking-credible. I cannot wait for this show to air and am secretly hoping that Jdubs will try out despite his objections just now.
More to come!
XOXO - Christine
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Life Updates: Man Friend Edition
I don't have much to say right now, because I have an insane amount of work to do for Thursday, but here's my attempt at a post. Thanks to my various former man friends for reappearing this week and making my worlds collide.
#1 Remember Comedy Club from way back last December/January? Remember how he had just been dumped by his girlfriend of three years? Who he lived with? Well friendlies, guess who I sat next to in class last week....that's right, the ex herself. I sat through two full classes with her before I finally couldn't contain myself any longer and blurted out, "Did you used to work at the improv place? And date Comedy Club?" As it turns out, she's funny and nice and I take back anything I ever said about her old haircut. Poor CC, I hope he didn't have a mild heart attack when he saw our newly formed facebook friendship on his news feed...
#2 So this past Saturday I took a 4-hour long licensing exam and it was approximately 0% fun. Afterward, I dropped an insane amount of money at Sephora, bought a new LBD at Lord & Taylor, and hung out with Anna before deciding it would be a good night to veg out on the couch. Aaaaand then my plans changed. Turns out my dear friends the Bed Wetter and JDubs of "get the herp and dife" fame were in town and wanted to come over with one of my other friends. After squabbling for a bit, I finally gave in.
Being the slowest human beings alive, they took their sweet time getting to my place, and when I opened my door, it was just Bdubs and Jdubs, no friend. As soon as I saw that, I knew what they were up to (and by they I mean Jdubs). Yes indeed, it was "try to coerce Christine into a MMF threesome" night at my place. They begun their delicate act of seduction by telling my how incredible I smelled. I believe B's exact words were, "Yeah, you smell awesome. If I smelled you in a bar I would totally hit on you!" After I lightly rebuffed these advances, they backed off for a few minutes, only to pounce as soon a I sat down on my bar stool to look something up on my macbook. As I opened my computer, I felt B's hand on my shoulder and J's hand on my leg. At this point, I firmly told them that it was not happening. Love you, but no.
They finally accepted this to be the case, and B went to pass out in what he thought was my bed. Nope, turns out it was Jenn's bed. When I noticed this, I had a flashback to the last time he peed my bed and freaked. I tried to get J to help me drag him out of Jenn's room, but he told me, "No threesome, no help," so I had to pretty much haul B out of there all by myself. Unfortunately, in the process of lugging B around the apartment, I managed to forget about his little problem with bed wetting and put him to bed in my room.
After that, J and I stayed up chatting (we got past me telling him to get the herp and dife and him being an asshole in general). I went in at one point to check on B, and sure enough, HE PEED MY BED AGAIN. Ugh, literally shoot me. Luckily, Jenn was out of town for the night, so I just slept in her room, but still, bed wetting is a pain in the ass. The next morning I woke the boys and announced that B's new home would be my alley and that he was forever banned from ALL of my apartment furniture, including during our party this Friday night. I think he'll be okay out there, especially since he'll have Homeless Meredith and her head full of blankets to keep him warm.
AWESOME LIFE. Hope your Saturday nights were bed wetter and MMF threesome free and I'll update some more later this week!
XOXO - Christine
#1 Remember Comedy Club from way back last December/January? Remember how he had just been dumped by his girlfriend of three years? Who he lived with? Well friendlies, guess who I sat next to in class last week....that's right, the ex herself. I sat through two full classes with her before I finally couldn't contain myself any longer and blurted out, "Did you used to work at the improv place? And date Comedy Club?" As it turns out, she's funny and nice and I take back anything I ever said about her old haircut. Poor CC, I hope he didn't have a mild heart attack when he saw our newly formed facebook friendship on his news feed...
#2 So this past Saturday I took a 4-hour long licensing exam and it was approximately 0% fun. Afterward, I dropped an insane amount of money at Sephora, bought a new LBD at Lord & Taylor, and hung out with Anna before deciding it would be a good night to veg out on the couch. Aaaaand then my plans changed. Turns out my dear friends the Bed Wetter and JDubs of "get the herp and dife" fame were in town and wanted to come over with one of my other friends. After squabbling for a bit, I finally gave in.
Being the slowest human beings alive, they took their sweet time getting to my place, and when I opened my door, it was just Bdubs and Jdubs, no friend. As soon as I saw that, I knew what they were up to (and by they I mean Jdubs). Yes indeed, it was "try to coerce Christine into a MMF threesome" night at my place. They begun their delicate act of seduction by telling my how incredible I smelled. I believe B's exact words were, "Yeah, you smell awesome. If I smelled you in a bar I would totally hit on you!" After I lightly rebuffed these advances, they backed off for a few minutes, only to pounce as soon a I sat down on my bar stool to look something up on my macbook. As I opened my computer, I felt B's hand on my shoulder and J's hand on my leg. At this point, I firmly told them that it was not happening. Love you, but no.
They finally accepted this to be the case, and B went to pass out in what he thought was my bed. Nope, turns out it was Jenn's bed. When I noticed this, I had a flashback to the last time he peed my bed and freaked. I tried to get J to help me drag him out of Jenn's room, but he told me, "No threesome, no help," so I had to pretty much haul B out of there all by myself. Unfortunately, in the process of lugging B around the apartment, I managed to forget about his little problem with bed wetting and put him to bed in my room.
After that, J and I stayed up chatting (we got past me telling him to get the herp and dife and him being an asshole in general). I went in at one point to check on B, and sure enough, HE PEED MY BED AGAIN. Ugh, literally shoot me. Luckily, Jenn was out of town for the night, so I just slept in her room, but still, bed wetting is a pain in the ass. The next morning I woke the boys and announced that B's new home would be my alley and that he was forever banned from ALL of my apartment furniture, including during our party this Friday night. I think he'll be okay out there, especially since he'll have Homeless Meredith and her head full of blankets to keep him warm.
AWESOME LIFE. Hope your Saturday nights were bed wetter and MMF threesome free and I'll update some more later this week!
XOXO - Christine
Monday, July 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
You're Welcome.
Holy Hotness. If anyone loves me enough to copy the best birthday idea ever, this is what I would like on my pillowcase. Thanks a million!XOXO - Christine
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