Why Every Girl Needs a Married Man Friend

So, I'm currently fb chatting with "Odd Job," who has been one of my friends since my freshman year of college. He was two years ahead of me in school and, as such, is a few years ahead of me in life as well. You see, Odd Job is not only in the process of house hunting, but he's also MARRIED. God I feel old.
Anyway, Odd Job has always been a valuable asset to my social circle as he is forever ready with sage advice and handy insights on the menfolk that the girls and I find ourselves involved with. He's like a little relationship buddha. Most recently, he has advised me on the Manbaby incident, but his body of work also includes some light counseling on the Mildly Gay Ex-Boyfriend Debacle of 2006, and extensive hand-holding during the Boring Boyfriend Fiasco of 2005.

The fact that he's been with his now-wife since high school gives him a unique perspective on the dating scene and allows him to keep me in check when I begin to blabber on about how XYZ boy has yet to call me back. He's like a walking, talking, autographed copy of "He's Just Not That Into You." I mean, I doubt he's ever read the book, nevermind quoted it, but he is definitely great at reminding me that I deserve better treatment than I require.

As I was just telling him, I think that upon graduation, every girl should receive a complimentary package that includes the SATC dvds, take-out menus, a married man friend, a gay bff, and the number for the most reputable local cab company. All of the above are beyond necessary on those days when you feel down, sad, lonely, or anything less than phenomenal.

In that spirit, here is the convo we just had regarding Match.com:

Me: OMG. A person with the username "Foochmeister" just winked at me on match.
Odd Job: HAHAHAHAHA
Me: SHOOT ME
Odd Job: I just want to join match.com to see all the hilariousness that it is.
Me: OMG, it's incredible. I had this one guy that winked at me like two weeks ago, so I looked at his profile while I was talking to one of my friends, and I'm like hmmm, he's cute I guess, but he kind of looks off, like a paraplegic. So, I said, "no thanks," to his wink and continued clicking through his photos. And then BAM, WHEELCHAIR. And not the kind they make you sit in at the hospital when they wheel you out. OH NO, this was the super intense kind that has a joystick and everything.
Odd Job: Wow, wow.
Me: I felt awful, slash I literally lol’d.
Odd Job: Hey, at least you wouldn't have to wheel him around, he could do it himself haha.
Me: Haha, true. But wait, it gets better, two days later, ANOTHER guy in a wheelchair winked at me! I mean, I know I'm kind of a couch potato, but I'm not immobile!
Odd Job: That's so weird.
Me: How do these people think that I'm that much of a good person that I would be down to sit around with them all the time?
Odd Job: Yeah, what’s up with that?
Me: Maybe I secretly look like a paraplegic in my photos??
Odd Job: Hahahaha, I don't think so.
Me: Thanks, that’s reassuring haha.

Totally love this kid. On that note, it's bedtime for this blogger! Way more to come tomorrow, especially if I get a little drunkski on my date...keep your fingers crossed for some blackout iMovie action haha.

XOXO - Christine