This is why guys think girls are NUTS...

Thanks to Diana who sent this beast of a forward to me a month or two ago. The girl in this tale makes me feel approximately 89% better all of my poor choices.

Back story: Boy meets girl (who seems normal). Boy hooks up with girl. Girl quickly unravels and becomes certifiably insane. This conversation takes place via BBM over the course of A WEEK AND A HALF; I kind of guessed as to where one day ended and another began. The "Steph" in question is Amanda's friend, who is apparently also bff with Aaron's ex. It's long, but definitely worth the read. Enjoy!

Day 1:
Amanda: Was last night weird
Aaron: Weird? Just a little – your big sister is bff with my ex-gf
Amanda: No I mean us sleeping together
Amanda: I'm sorry though about the whole steph thing. I now can imagine how that would be weird
Aaron: I mean it was weird just cause the red eyes I took during the week caught up to me and the fact we saw steph/chelsea who I associate with ex-gf
Amanda: I'm sorry. Ill def remember that in the future..they're some of my good friends but no need to all hang out together
Aaron: No worries
Amanda: K well have a good day at work
Amanda: And safe trip to boston and san fran
Aaron: Thanks
Amanda: Ugh Thanks! Talk to you later this week
Amanda: If not, that's cool too
Aaron: We'll talk, have a good week at work
Amanda: If you don't want to hang out, its cool
Aaron: We'll talk – just busy at work – and it’s awkward w/steph.
Amanda: Ok - I didn't know you still had feelings for you exgf. I'd rather not be involved in all that
Aaron: Alright, well we'll talk when I get back from san fran
Amanda: I mean do you?
Aaron: Sure
Amanda: Ok well I'm sure we'll talk at some point. Take care
Aaron: We'll talk - good luck with the new job this week
Amanda: And I didn't realize it would be that weird for you
Amanda: Thanks - take care

Day 2:
Amanda: I was in your building this morning!
Aaron: Here in midtown?
Amanda: Noo your apt! One of our clients is marshalls and a sales rep lives there. We had to pick her up for a meeting in our office
Amanda: Very random
Amanda: Anyway thought I'd tell you
Aaron: Sorry - meeting - yah, very random
Amanda: Hey - are you free to talk later
Aaron: Hey - I'm getting crushed
Aaron: Got to get a memo out at 7
Aaron: Then a dinner uptown
Aaron: And then I leave at 3am for boston
Amanda: No worries. When are you back from san francisco
Aaron: Thursday night/friday morning
Amanda: Okay we can talk then or whenever Good luck with everything this week
Amanda: And have a safe trip to boston and sf
Aaron: Yah, of course
Aaron: Thanks
Amanda: The reason why I was concerned is because I wanted to make sure you still wanted to talk
Aaron: Hey - do wanna talk. - I'm sorry just super busy
Amanda: Don't worry about today being busy. I was just concerned about you still being upset about the steph thing
Amanda: Ill talk to you on friday. Just know that I wanna talk and I'm still interested
Aaron: Alright, let's friday
Aaron: *talk
Amanda: Sounds good

Day 3:
Amanda: Hope san fran is good. Just went to the boat basin w. Friends and people I work with
Aaron: San fran is good - lots of work unfortunately. Glad you made it to the basin - good place
Amanda: I actually met up w my ex and his friends who is going out with one of girls I work with
Amanda: My ex suggested it. Haha so I thought of you
Aaron: Oh yikes
Amanda: it was an awkward night
Amanda: oh well
Amanda: K good luck with the work and get home safely!
Aaron: Thanks
Aaron: Have a goodnight
Amanda: You too. I'm excited to see you
Amanda: It better happen this weekend
Amanda: K or maybe not
Aaron: Hey - we'll talk friday
Amanda: Ok - but I'd guess I'd like to know if you wanna hang out again
Amanda: I'm guessing then we'll just talk about that on friday?
Amanda: K goodnight

Day 4:
Amanda: Sorry about yesterday.
Amanda: We can talk on friday - k?
Amanda: Aaron?
Amanda: Hey
Amanda: is everything ok?
Amanda: Hey - why haven't you responded
Aaron: Amanda, I don't think it's a good idea to see each other again.
Amanda: Ok why
Amanda: Is that what you wanted to talk to me about
Aaron: Just you're relation to steph is too close to my ex-gf and I don't think it'd work out
Amanda: I know
Amanda: But I enjoyed getting a drink with you and I think its a shame this is going to get in the way
Aaron: Well, I know, but right now it's not a good time
Amanda: Why is that
Amanda: I totally understand I'm just wondering
Aaron: I work a lot at the moment which makes me skeptical for overcoming the fact that your close friends are very close to an ex-gf of mine of 3 years
Aaron: This isn't a science; I just don't think it's a good idea
Amanda: Aaron, I seriously understand - and empathize with you a lot. While I am only going to be here this summer, I'm moving here for good in january. I didn't want anything serious this summer - just wanted to see someone.
Amanda: I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I'd love to see you when I move here - maybe things will be different
Aaron: Alright, when you move here let's see where things stand, but I'm sorry, right now isn't the time
Amanda: K - well I hope its the right time for me then. Have a great summer

Day 5:
Amanda: At the boat basin haha
Amanda: K bye
Aaron: Have fun
Aaron: K
Amanda: Well I know you don't wanna talk to me anymore - that's why I said 'k bye'
Amanda: One last thing - its good your not seeing me til jan.
Amanda: With the weight and all...
Aaron: I'm just at work - that's all
Aaron: Don't worry about it
Amanda: :-)
Amanda: I can't believe you don't wanna see me anymore
Amanda: K bye. Just know that I understand where your coming from with the steph thing
Amanda: But you're missing out on a great girl
Amanda: Goodnight

Day 6:
Amanda: Are you still at work
Amanda: ?
Aaron: Yah - still here
Amanda: Man I'm sorry. My best friends surprised me and are visiting this weekend. They aren't moving to the city for another 2 weeks but knew I've been lonely - they're amazing. Come out and meet us!
Amanda: K I'm guessing that's a no.
Amanda: Ok I'm not going to continue to drunk text you...have a good night slash I wish you didn't make the decision that you did
Amanda: ?
Amanda: The decision makes me sad
Amanda: Are you alive
Amanda: This is just rude.
Amanda: I'm home - gnight
Amanda: Seriously is everything ok
Amanda: I$

Day 7:
Amanda: I'm sorry about last night
Amanda: Hi - my dad wanted to smoke hookah for fathers day so I brought him to le souk
Amanda: Goood times....
Aaron: That's a good place to go - bet he liked it
Amanda: He's loving out - he loves cigars so its right up his alley
Aaron: Very cool
Amanda: I wanna see you at some point. This is ridic
Amanda: I really think it doesn't make sense that we can't just hang out to get to know one another
Amanda: Without steph - just the two of us
Amanda: What do you think
Aaron: I'm super busy
Aaron: At work now actually
Amanda: Oh na
Amanda: Oh man I'm sorry
Amanda: Good luck with work - ill talk to you later
Aaron: K
Amanda: I'm moving down to the financial district this week
Amanda: ah sorry wrong person - I've been smoking all day. Out of it
Amanda: Are you still at work
Aaron: Yup
Amanda: Wow - go home
Amanda: I mean when can u go home
Aaron: Probably midnight or one
Amanda: I feel bad
Amanda: For you
Aaron: Don't
Aaron: I signed up for it
Amanda: true - and it sounds very impressive
Amanda: I'm starting to pack my stuff up. Moving to battery park to live with my gfs at end of the week.
Amanda: I've been lonely without them ha. They'll all be here by july
Aaron: Cool - listen - I'm super busy
Aaron: I gotta focus
Amanda: Ok sorry - later

Day 8:
Amanda: Hey - sorry for interupting. But I think you're right, we shouldn't hang out
Amanda: K so goodnight and good luck with the work
Amanda: Is that okay
Amanda: Ok you're working so I'm interpreting that as a yes

Day 9:
Amanda: Did you get my bbm yesterday
Aaron: Yah, I got it late - look super busy - I got a presentation in London on Wednesday
Amanda: Good luck with the presentation
Amanda: And enjoy london
Amanda: Hey - when are you leaving
Amanda: K still working. Good luck
Amanda: Hey - the reason why I don't wanna hang out is because you're never gonna be around. I know your ridiculously busy with work and I wanna hang out with someone on a consistent basis
Amanda: I'm sure you're still working but I just wanted to tell you my reasoning
Amanda: K bye
Amanda: Can you at least respond
Aaron: Listen - look - you're right I work a lot
Aaron: I'm actually on a conference call
Amanda: Plus to be honest I'm offended about the steph thing - you didn't even want to get to know one another before not hanging out
Amanda: I know I'm high maintenence in that I want someone to be there - and I'm guessing that's not gonna happen with you
Amanda: So you work a lot and I don't want that - it doesn't make sense for me
Amanda: Anyway, you're working. I'm going to someones to watch a movie
Amanda: Have a good night and safe trip to london
Aaron: Ok - thanks, night
Amanda: do you agree with me in not hanging out
Aaron: yah, it's best
Amanda: best because of work or steph?
Aaron: Both
Amanda: The steph thing doesn't make sense - you wouldn't be seeing her, you'd be seeing me.
Amanda: Listen - I'm normally not like this with guys. At this point, I would normally just move on and not even think twice - but for some reason I'm interested in you
Amanda: I wish the steph thing didn't bother you - if that was the case, I'd get over the working fairly quickly
Amanda: anyway, I know that I want hang out with you - its bothering me that you don't feel the same or don't wanna make any acommodations with work
Amanda: Good luck with the presentation!

Day 10:
Amanda: Fyi - I am currently 'babysitting' clients in cali.

Day 11:
Amanda: Are you in london?
Amanda: The reason why I'm asking is cuz I'm actually there now
Amanda: My dad had to go for biz - and surprised me with a plane ticket. My bf lena lives in germany - she came to visit - we just got home

Day 12:
Amanda: Hey -
Amanda: I don't know uf
Amanda: If you got this but I'm in london with my dad. Leaving tomorrow morning
Amanda: Anyway, hope things are good
Amanda: Are you back in ny
Amanda: If u don't wanna hang out when I get back please let me know

Day 13:
Amanda: Hey - let's meet up tonight. Steph's at the beach and I'm out with my other friends
Amanda: Yes or no? Let me know
Amanda: Hello?
Amanda: ?? Can you answer
Amanda: I'm confused
Amanda: Aaron?
Amanda: All I have to say is you're missing out - ha
Amanda: Seriously
Amanda: Are u alive
Amanda: Hi - can you just say you don't wanna hang out anymore so I'm not confused
Amanda: Its actually really rude that you haven't responded
Amanda: What's wrong with you - do you mind just manning up and saying you don't wanna hang out
Amanda: I've honestly never encountered anyone that's been this rude. Its weird
Amanda: I'm assuming that you're not going to respond.
Amanda: With that said, you don't know anything about me and for some reason you didn't want to get to know anything about me. What you should know is I'm a great girl and don't deserve to be treated like this
Amanda: And, in the end, its unfortunate because your missing out
Amanda: *you're
Amanda: Good bye and good luck
Amanda: Aaron?

Jesus motherfucking Christ, I think I finally understand where the notion that all bitches are crazy comes from...

Alright, I'm going to go watch some action movies, eat some meat, and man myself as much as possible (without becoming a total bull dyke) so that I never devolve into this pathetic and somewhat derranged "Amanda" character...awesome.

XOXO - Christine

Aaannd I'm back!

Oh bunnies, so sorry to have left you hanging for a week, but this past weekend was pretty stressful with my big exam and all of my Sunday Funday activities (french toast + football = totally crazy times).

To make it up to you, I give you It was over when..., a mildly entertaining new website that details some of the more humorous aspects of relationship's demise. Here's a screenshot to give you an idea of what it's all about:This screenshot is particularly fitting, as I'm currently watching a show about polygamy on tv. All I have to say about that is, "bitch, please." The only way I'm sharing a man is via threesomes, and that's probs not happening, like ever.

Related: Today I checked out that app on facebook that breaks down the demographics of your facebook friends. Results? I am friends with 13 Andrews, and 69% of my friends are guys. Check it out:Kind of cool.

Alright, more to come!

XOXO - Christine

Celebrities: They blackout just like us!

One of the best things I've seen lately. I was literally LOL'ing at some points. Enjoy:

The second part is even better. If only I could have a crew of people to prevent me from getting hurt/arrested every time I binge drink...


And here's a hilarious video of Ben Affleck getting frisky during an interview in Montreal. I have approximately 1,000 times MORE respect for him now:


XOXO - Christine

Oh, and then this happened...

So, this past weekend I spent a day or two in NH and then traveled back to Boston for some Saturday night fun. I've been pretty stressed out lately because I have tons of schoolwork and a major licensing exam coming up, so I thought some big, strong, man loving could really help me decompress, so Drunk Me decided that this was the best option:

That's right friends, I searched for a "sloppy make outs" iPhone app, and guess what?? There is NOT an app for that. Blasphemy, I say! Don't worry kids, I plan on suing Apple for emotional distress and false advertising immediately...or you know...when I get around to it.

More emotional pain and distress to follow.

XOXO - Christine

80's Video Dating Montage

In case you haven't seen it yet, I present to you the video that's been sweeping the interwebs this past week.

The best part of this video is that every single one of them speaks in complete monotone. It's kind of disconcerting when they're trying to tell you how much they love fun. Some select quotations and photos, for those of you who can't watch videos at work (my commentary is in blue):

"I'm not having fun doing this."

"Hi, my name is Mike, and if you're sitting there, watching this tape, smoking your cigarette, press the fast-forward button, because I don't smoke, and I don't like people who do smoke."

"I'm a fashion photographer. And just, sugar, and spice, and all those things that are nice."

"I'm looking for the goddess. Are you the goddess? Who is the goddess? The goddess is the woman, is a woman, is any woman, is all women..."

"Early to bed, early to rise, makes a woman healthy, wealthy and wise...that's why you're wiser than me. It's Steven! I'm looking for a trendy girl with a simple smile, wait, it says here, oh, excuse me...vivacious, foxy, a figure that is sexy, slim, tight, excellent legs."

"Hi, I'm Maurice, I'm an executive by day, and a wild man by night. I'm not afraid to get sand on my tuxedo if you're not afraid to mess your hair up a little when I take the top down." -Wild was pronounced "w-hild," the way Stewie says "whip" on Family Guy.

"Hi, I'm Monroe. You've probably already noticed that I have incredibly blue eyes." - Actually friend, they look pretty dead and brown to me...also: "I like to wear bright socks, and I'm an avid Clevela-Cleveland Browns fan." - Bright socks? Craaa-zy!

"Hi, my name is Phil; most of my friends call me Big Phil." - Oh Irony...

"Hi, I'm Fred! I'm really looking for somebody I can feel special about. I don't encounter people like that often, and I'm hoping you're one of them!" - I bet you don't Fred, I bet you don't...

"I am a 25-year subscriber to both Playboy and The New Yorker magazine." - Does he look strangely familiar to anyone else?

"At night, I operate a Damsel in Distress hotline, I guess you could call me a knight!"

"No fatties, no hamsters, no dopers, no smokers, no alcoholics, no Donna Juanitas, no poseurs, no crazies..." - WTF is a "Hamster" in dating terminology?

"Life's a playground, and I want someone to play with..."

"I'm interested in most phases of data processing." - And this is why no one likes ginger boys...

"Cause I really have a zany sense of humor." - I'm sorry friend, but the only thing "zany" about you is that god-awful ginger hair.

"Type A, I'm not, comfortable, caring, and serious about a relationship, I am." -Okay, Yoda...

"And I do consider myself a refined valllley duuude. Are you that woman? If so, pleeease give me a call."

The guy below is the only one who would've been able to steal my heart, were I cruising these dating videos back in the day...you know, minus the balding. Seriously though, check out his stats, he's tall, blonde, and enjoys sailing, dancing, and adventure. Too bad he's probably a downtrodden middle-ager by now...sigh.

Dear life,

Thank you for the invention of YouTube.

Love always,

Christine

"We're Gonna Hunt Chris Brown Tonight"

Hilarious video spoofing both Chris Brown and his Larry King appearance, where he claimed not to remember beating Rihanna, and the new Kanye, Jay-Z, and Rihanna song entitled, "Run This Town." All of the impersonations are spot on. Enjoy:



Also, if you'd like to get really fucked up this weekend, try playing the Chris Brown/Rihanna drinking game that I made up last spring...it's pretty straightforward; you just pound a beer each time one of their songs plays in the club/bar. Tasteless pop culture blackout to follow.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

Looks like there's trouble in paradise...

When people ask me why I have a twitter account, I usually reference my blog and the instant photo-sharing fun. However, tonight, that's all changed. My new favorite reason to be a proud member of the "twitterverse?" Try being on the front lines of a certain celeb's inevitable return to rehab. Check it out:Looks like somebody's headed for a "relapse." I put relapse in quotation marks, because is it really a relapse when you (ostensibly) never stopped in the first place?

Also for your viewing pleasure, a lovely old school photo of our favorite Hill's villian (sans creepy flesh colored beard) and his old classmate, a certain mini mogul you may know better as Michelle Tanner. Apparently, Spencer made $50,000 when he sold this photo to a tabloid back in the day. Good to know he was always the stand up guy that he is today...

Awesome times.

XOXO - Christine

In case I ever decide to switch teams...

So today, my dear friend Ali and I dragged our hungover asses out of bed for a little lunch date. We had a fabulous time switching tables to follow the sun and judging the Asian tourists on segways, but before long, it was time to part ways. She headed out to watch some good old fashioned football at Bobby's place, and I meandered around Faneuil to do a little browsing.

Well friends, the browsing went quite well, until I dropped 3 hundo and it turned into a full-fledged shopping trip. After hitting up an assortment of stores, I realized that I had to pee, so I made my way down to the public restrooms below Quincy Market...and that's where things got awkward...check it out via the mass text I sent to my friends:

Me: A female janitor in Faneuil just smacked my ass, told me her name was Ida, and motioned that I have a beautiful face. WTF is my life.

Here are the text convos that followed:

Matt: Haha. Awesome, that's what it is.

Ali: Hahahahaha eww. Most action you got all weekend ?!
Me: Bitchhh

Bobby: You have a prison guard and a janitor...one to cuff you and the other to clean up

Jill: HAHA sorry but that is way too funny and insanely creepy.
Me: Yeah, well I didn't spot any prison tats and she wasn't wearing flannel, so I probs would've adopted her as my new hispanic gma if she hadn't awkwardly hit on me while I was washing my hands haha.
Jill: She screwed up that chance haha

Jenn: Hahaha that is incredible. Well I guess if [redacted] doesn't work out, Ida is obvi interested!

Mike: Yea yea!! U get her number?
Me: Haha, no, but I think she tried to get my info. I couldn't really hear her over the hand dryer, but she was gesturing wildly at me.


Even Anna piped in from her grandmother's bday party, where she was three sheets to the wind thanks to her Russian heritage and a fully stocked vodka bar:

Anna: Sounds like all positive things haha. I really don't know, I'm in the hole and at a party with 58 people - all couples. I think I win.
Me: Hahahaha. Yeah, at least I was almost part of a lovely multi-racial, multi-generational relationship involving flannel and golf haha.
Anna: See, that is starting to look really good to me.

Love my life.

XOXO - Christine

The gift that keeps on giving...

So, the other day, I logged into my Match.com account to find the following message:

"NICE LEGGS"

That's it, that's all it said. Two words, one of them spelled wrong, no punctuation, ALL CAPS. Upon further investigation, I discovered that said message came from this gem:

That's right, my exceedingly charming new suitor is a lazy-eyed 41-year old whose dating headline reads, "I'M NOT A PLAYER, ARE YOU??"

Read below for unedited excerpts from his profile, and my response to his delightful message:

About me:
IM LOOKING 4 A WOMAN THATS NOT ON HERE LOOKING 4 ATTENTION ETC, I WANNA MEET A WOMAN THATS NOT MISS RIGHT NOW MAYBE WE CAN START A GREAT FRIENDSHIP THAT ADDS UP TO SOMETHING REALLY COOL SO GIVE ME A SHOUT TY!!

My job:
im on here to meet a nice , attractive , sexy woman to start a friendship that turns into maybe lovers, a steady gf or maybe even marriage OUCHH Llolol i was on here a few years ago and had a AWESOME time meeting women!

My ethnicity:
are u kidding? moreee ? lol, i guess youd have to scroll back and read what i typed b4 that says im here to date, meet new friends and have alot of fun like i did on here a few years back, ciao

My religion:
is this a job interview ? i wish we got paid 4 all this typing! send me a email or a wink and see where it goes ! sounds good to me , im tired typing lolol

My education:
are u kidding now its time to hear from you, ive typed enuff to work 4 a local newspaper woulndt u agree?

Favorite hot spots:
ny, calif , cape cod , canada, russian. england. texas, vancouver! i wanna go to ireland b4 i die lmaooo

Favorite things:
i like blues, rock, steak, chicken, chinese food , mexican, thress co lol janets sexy legs lolol, i love outdoor concerts, great woods aka comcast center, ss musio circus ,, harborlights

My Pets:
what else do you wanna know? this is like a job resume lol, anyways like i said im looking 4 a normal, sexy woman that knows what she wants in life , has no drama but im not perfect either so lets get a drink or a coffee and get together


And here it is, our incredible back and forth...enjoy.

Lazy-eye: NICE LEGGS

Me: Great pick up line...not creepy at all. P.S. No thanks.

Lazy-eye: miss picky on the internet? LMAO

Me: The last thing I need in my life is a 41-year old man who doesn't understand the proper usage of capitalization. They're called standards, and, shocker, I have them; in fact, most girls my age do. Good luck finding a 21-year old "4 FRIENDSHIP AND SOMETHING REALLY COOL."

P.S. When attempting to begin a conversation with a woman, perhaps try this crazy new approach where you say hello and mention her interests before getting into creepshow mode. Just a thought.

Lazy-eye: well taken, thunder thighs lololol

Me: Wow, definitely going to cry myself to sleep over that one...

And then I blocked him. Good times on the interwebs.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

Miles Fisher does it again...

So not only is Miles Fisher a talented singer and actor, he also has a blog! What kind of blog you ask? Well, a blog of very few words and many, many images. Concept: Each post is themed with photos relating to said theme. It's pretty much awesome.

Enjoy: http://leslie-miles.blogspot.com/

XOXO - Christine

Spoof of Valkyrie

Hitler is outraged when he learns that Oasis has broken up for good:



There are several more on YouTube involving Hitler's hunt for Bud Light Lime, among others.

XOXO - Christine

Why you don't take a man shopping...

Via my friend Rich's facebook page:

More to follow.

XOXO - Christine

MA Men...Mad Men Spoof ft. Joy McIntyre

Love it:

MA Men from Joey McIntyre

XOXO - Christine

Stuff Hipsters Hate

Hilarious new website; kind of along the lines of StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, but with a stronger focus on hipsterdom. Check out this screenshot:
XOXO - Christine

My new favorite YouTuber

I want to be biffles with this kid. We could spend our days visiting Apple stores, making awesome lip syncing videos, and frolicking through Harlem eating ice cream. Check him out:





XOXO - Christine

"Hanging Out the Window"

Probably one of the cutest/funniest things ever. In case you can't watch videos at work, it's a dog "rapping" while he hangs his head out the window of a moving car. LOVE IT.

More to follow.

XOXO - Christine

In Case You Missed It...

Just when you thought the biggest drama of the night was when Shakira and Pink showed up in the same dress, major shit went down! (Side note: I thought that this was a huge issue and that designers wouldn't lend a dress to more than one starlet? I suppose I should catch up on my stylist know-how with a marathon sesh of the Rachel Zoe Project...)
In case you missed it, Kanye ganked the mic from Taylor Swift when she won Best Female Video and said the following:

Not only was she shaking and near tears, but she had to PERFORM about twenty minutes later. So fucked up. Thankfully, he lost the Best Male Video award to T.I. and Rihanna's "Live Your Life," and the mention of his nomination elicited boos from all of Radio City Music Hall. The best part? He and his stripperesque girlfriend Amber Rose were kicked to the curb...I'm guessing it was partially because of what he did to Taylor, but mostly because they showed up looking like this:
Later in the night, after Beyonce won Best Video of the Year, she invited Taylor back onto the stage to give her back her moment. I never thought I'd say it, but Beyonce is as classy as they come. Here's the footage:


And on that note, I present you with the "Gay Fish" clip from South Park. The underlying joke is about fish sticks, and how if you like "fish sticks" (sounds like "fish dicks"), then you must be a gay fish. As it turns out, Kanye West's ego is so big, that he just doesn't understand why people keep calling him a gay fish after he admits to enjoying the taste of fish sticks in his mouth. At the end of the episode, Cartman gives Butters a lecture about embracing who you really are (may have been the other way around), and Kanye decides that he must be a gay fish if everyone else says so, and makes moves to join his fellow fish...you'll see:


Also, check out what Lady Gaga showed up wearing:

Her date? Try Kermit the Frog...

AWKHAWK indeed.

Anyway, I hope you friendlies all had fun weekends and I'll update more as the week goes on!

XOXO - Christine

P.S. As always, feel free to comment and tell me what you think about the VMA's and all of the Kanye drama!

Mermaid Tractor Tranny Farm

No, that's not what Nicole Richie and Joel Madden named their newborn son, but it's damn sure close enough. The baby's name is actually Sparrow James Midnight Madden, and he joins sister Harlow Winter Kate as the newest addition to Hollywood's army of oddly-named children. Also on the list? Try these on for size:

Jason Lee - Pilot Inspektor..named after the Grandaddy song "He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot." Wow, thanks dad...

M.I.A. - Ickhyd

Nicolas Cage - Kal-el Coppola

Shannyn Sossaman & Dallas Clayton - Audio Science

Jools Norton & Jamie Oliver - Daisy Boo & Poppy Honey...well what do you expect from someone named Jools??

Toni Braxton - Diezel Ky...this kid better grow up to be some bad ass MMA fighter.

Heidi Klum & Seal - Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo...just when you thought Heidi Klum was perfect, she let her freak flag fly...

Geri Haliwell - Bluebell Madonna...Nice attempt to synthesize white trash and British pop culture in one name; bravo Baby Spice, bravo.

Drea De Matteo - Alabama Gypsy Rose

Paula Yates - Fifi-Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, Little Trixie, & Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily

Spike Lee - Satchel

Claudia Schiffer - Caspar...Seriously? Claudia Schiffer, get your shit together.

Rob Morrow - Tu...as in Tu Morrow...you know, like, "tomorrow?" Super awk.

T.I. - Messiah Ya’majesty & King C'Andre...honestly, I would expect nothing less from TIP.

Lisa Bonet & Jason Momoa - Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa...The name apparently has something to do with the baby being strong and brave and born on a dark, stormy night, and I think wolves being powerful? Either way, this kid is super fucked when it comes time for him to take his SATs.

George Foreman - Okay, so his kids had semi-normal names, except for the fact that ALL FIVE of the boys were named George (I-V), and the two girls were Freda George and Georgetta. Wow, just...WOW.

Sylvester Stallone - Sage Moon Blood...at least it's trendy now with vampires being "all the rage," as my mom would say.

David Duchovny - Kyd

Dan Cortese - Tabooger...WTF??

Oh, but dear readers, don't think that celebrities are the only ones getting in on the fun...remember that heartwarming story last summer about the 9-year old girl from New Zealand who wanted to change her name? Well, the court took custody of her for a day so she could have the opportunity to ditch, "Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii" for a more suitable moniker.

Some other weird names that have made the cut (sans Hollywood parents):

O.crnia - This is the way that the girl's mother spelled "Oceania" when texting.

Violence - Did this kid swagger out the womb with some teardrops tattooed under his left eye??

Benson and Hedges - Twins named after the British cigarette brand...two words: Class-ayy!

Cinderella Beauty Blossom - How hilarious would it be if this girl turned out to be super goth or heinous looking??

Kaos - Much like "Violence," this child's parents probably spent much of their youth in detention.

Midnight Chardonnay - Hey Ali, if you ever accidentally get knocked up, I think this is what you should name the product of your late night booze & swim session! Almost as good as SEX FRUIT, which was thankfully rejected by the New Zealand judicial system.

Also blocked? Try Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Stallion, Twisty Poi, Fat Boy, Satan, Adolf Hitler and 4Real, which a child's parents wanted to name him after seeing the sonogram and realizing just how "4Reals" having a baby is...oh to be a pregnant teenager...


Most hilarious rejected name: Keenan Got Lucky.

Best/Worst accepted name: Number 16 Bus Shelter. No, like, fo reals, this passed the test where gems such as "Metallica" failed. Nothing says "homeless lovers" quite like having "Bus Shelter" for a middle name. Perhaps we can hook Meredith up and she can name her child "Sketchy Alley," or "Apartment Building Lobby That I Broke Into." Just a thought...


Conclusion: We need to institute some kind of world-wide test before allowing people to procreate...I mean, I recognize that my life is enough of a joke that I should never be allowed to make babies (that, and the idea of pregnancy horrifies me), so why can't other people have a heart-to-heart with their genitals and say, "Gee whiz, I know I'm going to have sex for the first time ever tonight, and I'm like, 40, but dammit penis, I'm going to wrap you up tonight, because I'm a secure human being and I don't need to have some kid named, 'Keenan Got Lucky' running around to prove that I'm no longer a virgin!"


But then again, without lukewarm messes like these, we wouldn't have this fab website to look at when we're bored, now would we?

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

"King Curtis, nice doin business with you."

Thanks to Ali, we have found the extended version of the "Bacon Boy" clip. Enjoy!


Alright, back to my Wednesday night boozefest...

XOXO - Christine

OMFG, It's About Time!

One of my all time favorite movies ever is Boondock Saints, and they're FINALLY coming out with a sequel, entitled Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day. According to this trailer, it'll be hitting theaters on OCTOBER 30th. My birthday is October 28th...pretty sure that this is life's birthday present to me, much like in 2004 and 2007 when the Sox WON IT ALL on my bday. Though I'm skeptical of their replacement of Rocco and Willem Dafoe's character, I know that I'm going to fucking LOVE this sequel.

Enjoy:


XOXO - Christine

ABDC: Fierce Tranny Edition

As you all know, I love America's Best Dance Crew almost as much as I love Nutella and Coors Light, and without it, I might whither and die. You know what else I love? Trannies. Once I moved past my initial, "WTF?" moment years ago, I began to overlook the hot mess that is their collective life and really embrace the joy and hilarity that they bring to mine. That is why I was, as expecting celebrity couples say, "over the moon," when I saw these delightful friendlies on this season of ABDC...meet Vogue Evolution:

The fat one in pleather is obviously my favorite. I love that he has a permanent diva face, even when he's struggling to keep up with his splits and jumps. Here's their tape from week 1:

And here's their Beyonce tribute dance from week 2, which they predictably squealed about when told what their challenge would be:


LOVE THEM, too bad no one will ever live up to the love I had for those cloggers from last season...watch full episodes here: http://www.watchamericasbestdancecrew.net/

XOXO - Christine

Snuggie Sex

Thanks to Anna for sending me this incredible new website. Now I just need to smuggle a snuggie home from my lakehouse and make a few phone calls so I can try this out:
Yes Ma'am indeed! I particularly like the part about the subway grate. Methinks we should purchase a snuggie for Meredith and give her this handy-dandy guide? Perhaps then she would stop trying to kick in the front doors of all the apartment buildings in our neighborhood whilst using her "I need money" dance to distract people from the fact that she's a whiz at breaking and entering...just a thought.

More to come.

XOXO - Christine

"There's an app for that..."

Thanks to Diana for this HILARIOUS video. All I have to say is, "Enjoy."



And in case you haven't seen it yet, I present, Bacon Boy:



XOXO - Christine