"Because that shit is not cute..."

This kid is fucking hilarious:


XOXO - Christine

Snooki the outlaw...

Awwww, she's even adorable in her mugshots!


Fun fact? Right before Snooki was arrested for being drunk in public and/or disorderly conduct, she fell off a bike. Since the official video of the incident was removed for copyright infringement, here is a glorious reenactment of the blessed event:

Love it.

XOXO - Christine

"Theyyyy're heeerrrre...."

I AM SO MOTHER F'ING EXCITED FOR THE SEASON TWO PREMIERE OF JERSEY SHORE THAT I CAN'T NOT PULL A KANYE AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS. SO. F'ING. EXCITED.


For those of you not quite up to speed on the lives and times of our seven* favorite tanned, (mostly) toned, and (occasionally) poufed guidos and guidettes, here's Gawker's guide to to everything you need to know to make the most of your JShore 2 viewing experience on this fine evening.

Best part of the guide? When talking about JWOWW's love life, Gawker states the following: "Last season she had a boyfriend, but that didn't stop her from touching DJ Paulie's D."

Priceless, especially since Pauly's D piece is pierced. No really, it is, and it's horrifying.

Also, there's this (watch the whole this to see the infamous Snooki punch):


And this:


And, for those of you who want to see the Snooki punch from every possible angle:


*Please note that I said "seven" above. This is because Angelina is not tanned, toned, or poufed, nor does she count as anyone's favorite anything. Just keep in mind that she pretty much sucks and you'll be a-okay.

I can't fucking wait.

XOXO - Christine

In honor of JShore 2, premiering this Thursday!

So, my good friend Lee totally spotted the Jersey Shore crew filming season 3 in Seaside Heights this weekend, and I am BEYOND jealous, though perhaps this will make up for it....


Jesus I love these crazy kids...

XOXO - Christine

Simultaneously hilarious and sadly true...

Jenna's "Whoreover," via dlisted:


Hope you guys had great Mondays!

XOXO - Christine

Oh technology....

Hey friends, hope everyone's as pumped as I am for this weekend! I keep playing this song on repeat, since it's so summery, with it's talk of sharks and water and whatnot...enjoy:


Also, as you can see from last night's drunk post, I clearly need Google beer goggles on every piece of technology I own/website I frequent....thank god I will be in the lake/on the beach all weekend and won't feel the urge to drunkenly talk to EVERYONE haha.

Unfortunately for you nosy friends, I've since deleted the date photo from last night's post, mostly because a) it was not flattering and b) drunk me apparently doesn't respect privacy, but sober me does. To make up for it, here's a photo of the view from our seats at Fenway, thanks again to Teague for the tickets:

Loge seats behind home plate? I'll take it.

Okay, I think that's about all I had to say on this fine morning...only a few hours and a trip to IKEA separate me from a weekend full of sun, fun, family, and friends!

See you kids back here in a few days...

XOXO - Christine

I love my life, slash I am awesome 2.0

FYI, I am shitfaced. This is what happens when you meet up with your friends at 7PM for some $3 per drink triple-fisting action.

Things I have done/realized in the past four hours:

I drank 4 Coors Lights and then remembered that I am awesome (Editor's Note: Don't worry, I never actually forgot that I was, but the degree to which I am a ridiculous human being just happened to hit me around this time).

I may or may not have hit on a member of the Babson class of 2011. In my defense, he was wearing plaid and looked at least 23. (Editor's Note: This was a pretty hilarious exchange. He was wearing a plaid shirt and was furious that I called it flannel. He then proceeded to make a random girl and I pet it, tricking us into hitting on him. Cool times.)

I FB chatted like 17,000 (okay, three...) people and uploaded a bunch of awesome photos after taking down many beers and talking on the phone with Tom of Script fame about our respective new jobs. (Editor's Note: FYI, Tom friended me the other week and we've been chatting occasionally, mostly because we're in the same field and partly because we always did have great talks. Apologies for not mentioning this sooner. Also, Jim and I had a lovely convo and I'm glad to see that we can be friends.)

Today was awesome and I am beyond excited to spend the next two months prepping for the fall, hanging out with my friends, and enjoying the gorgeous weather. Things are good, and despite the craziness of the past year, I'm happy and pretty thrilled about life in general.

Jesus I'm a great speller when I booze, slash ALL the time haha. I'll be back tomorrow to post some pre-fourth of July items. Have a lovely night my little loverfriends!!!

XOXO - Christine

Insomnia finally pays off...

These videos are both awesome, for entirely different reasons. First up? Lil Wayne's "Knockout," featuring everyone's favorite, Nicki Minaj:


And, without further adieu, Enrique Iglesias's "I Like It," featuring Pit Bull and the cast of Jersey Shore. Unbelievable.


Alright, time for bed!

XOXO - Christine

Genius.

Dear god I hope this is eventually made into a full length movie...

Tourist Attractions - watch more funny videos

Also, this amuses me:

CARPOOLIN' - watch more funny videos

And the outtakes:

CARPOOLIN' - The Outtakes - watch more funny videos

XOXO - Christine

LET'S GO CELTICS! BEAT LA!!

Apologies for going dark the past two weeks. Quick life updates: I went on four first dates the week before last. Felt very blah about three of the guys, have continued seeing the fourth, who is pretty awesome and from Ireland. Am still match.comming and will let you know how that goes. Have also been going to Sox games (3 in the past two weeks!), and saw "Get Him to The Greek," which was fucking hilarious.

Now, please enjoy this incredible Game 7 pump-up video:



More to come tomorrow/Saturday, once I recover from the madness that will be the Game 7 shitshow tonight! Bring it Lakers.

XOXO - Christine

Brand Spankin' New RHONY Parody!

Happy Monday Bitches...



XOXO - Christine

New Feature = Music Mondays!!

Welcome to your very first Music Monday my friends! Those of you who know me personally know that I have extremely eclectic taste in music. The playlist I'm currently listening to is a mix of dirty rap, country, love songs that alternately make me smile slash want to die inside, and, of course, Vampire Weekend. In addition to loving a variety of music, I also tend to discover certain songs before everyone else catches on to how great they are, like La Roux's "Bulletproof," which I've loved since it came out last year, but is only now getting major radio play.

In that spirit, I'm going to start posting music recommendations and videos each Monday for your viewing/listening pleasure. Some of it will be brand spankin' new, some will be old school, and all of it will be awesome in one way or another. I'm basically going to post whatever I've been awkwardly blasting as I zoom around the city with my windows rolled down, and I hope you love it as much as I do!

Enjoy....

This week, I'm recommending 16 songs that have been in heavy rotation on my itunes. Just because it's been gorgeous out lately, I'll begin with Vampire Weekend's "A-Punk," off their self-titled 2008 album, and "Cousins" and "Giving up the Gun" from their most recent album, "Contra." See "Cousins" below:



If you love Vampire Weekend like I do, then you'll probably also enjoy Pheonix's "1901" and Gyptain's "Hold You," which is my top cruising-around-the-city song at the moment. You should also check out Black Kids, specifically "I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend to Dance with You," anything by MGMT, and if you must, Sleigh Bells, though I think they're a bit overrated at the moment. Here is Pheonix, live on Letterman:



Bob Sinclair's "World, Hold On," might do the trick for you as well, but I have to be honest and say that I much preferred his smash hit, "Love Generation," which was the theme song to my senior year of college. Alright, fuck it, I'm offically endorsing "Love Generation" over "World, Hold On," but I'm too lazy to change the playlist, so....deal.



Moving right along....if you're a country music lover, then I'm probably not telling you anything new when I recommend the Zac Brown Band's "Toes," but summer is upon us and I couldn't resist adding it to the playlist. On the country front, I've also been loving "Gimme That Girl" by Joe Nichols, the same guy responsible for "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off." Compare and contrast below:





If you're a fan of the hot mess that is Ke$ha, then you'll love her latest singles, "Take it Off" and "Your Love is My Drug." Favorite line? "So I got a question, do you want to have a slumber party in my basement; do I make your heart beat like an 808 drum; is my love your drug?"



If you're in the mood for hip hop, then definitely check out "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley" by the comeback kid, Lloyd Banks. Best line? "She always ready, to give me that Becky. Last time it was so good I almost crashed my Bentley." I like to think that I'm up on the latest lingo, but what the fuck is a Becky? A new name for a blow jay? So strange.



I can't not mention "Airplanes" by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams from Paramore, because it's just so damn good for shouting along (or interperetively dancing) to in the car.



On that note....I'm still pissed that I never bought tickets to this year's SummerJam. Perhaps a little Jason Derulo will cheer me up?



Yup...that definitely did the trick!

Next up we have Trey Songz, with "Neighbors Know My Name," which should be added to everyone's sex mixes ASAP. The video is hot, but involves a tub of milk, which is just a tad too awk, even for this blog.

My final recommendations are best suited for those times when you're either crazy happy and want to fully embrace it, or for the times when shit is so bad that you just need to wallow for a while. Enter Colbie Callait with the epically depressing "I Never Told You."



And Angel Taylor, with the slightly more cheerful, "Like You Do."



Whew, that was a lot. Next week I'll probably only be recommending a few new songs, but I figured I'd start Music Mondays with a bang. I hope you guys enjoyed my random assortment of songs and I'll be back soon!

XOXO - Christine

The Break-Up Breakdown

Heyyyyy friends!

I hope everyone had as wild a weekend as I did...but that's probably not where I should begin, now is it? I know you're all just dyyyying to hear about my love life, especially since I went dark for a week without any word on the Jim situation.

So, where're we at, you ask? Short answer: In a much better place. Long answer: Brace yourself, it's complicated.

When I last left you friendlies, I hadn't heard from Jim since the break-up phone call heard 'round the bar, and was fully preparing myself for the inevitable vanishing act to follow. Thankfully, he finally contacted me later that night (via text) to say that he'd definitely like to meet up mid-week to talk things out and that he'd call me the following day.

Wednesday night rolled around, and after the longest day of all time, I made the drive over to his house. We went upstairs to talk, and I think we were both glad that we'd had a few days to think things through. He apologized for telling me on Friday night that we had "no chemistry" and said that he had been angry with me for posting La Roux's "Bulletproof" video on facebook, because it seemed to be directed entirely at him. I admitted that we had moved to fast; spent too much time together from the beginning. I said I was sorry for letting us get into a rut so soon, and explained that I hadn't been giving him my best me.

In the end, we decided to take a no contact break for 2-3 weeks, and then we can go from there. My fear is that he'll throw himself back into the dating game, meet another girl, and do the exact same thing to her in his quest to get over the hurt from his last break-up. I told him as much, and that my hope is that we'll both take this time to regroup. I need to get back to being my normal, fun, non-stressed self, and he needs to get over his ex-girlfriend and back to a place where he's ready to open up again.

Post-talk, I ventured downstairs where I bumped into his parents, who I'd really gotten to know during our brief courtship. I felt as though they deserved a proper goodbye, so I told them that we were taking a break, and that I didn't know if I'd be back. I thanked them for having me in their home, at which point they both bear hugged me while his dad called me "kiddo" and his mom patted my back and said, "we'll see, we'll see!" Definitely a bit of a bittersweet moment.

Jim walked me out, gave me a big hug, and said that drunk texts and dials would be forgiven, which is good for everyone since we both made that mistake this past weekend.

Speaking of the weekend...I had a wild time on Saturday night when a big group of us went out for Ali's birthday party at JTree.

For those of you who haven't been, it's a sports bar type of situation upstairs, with a sketchy sketch sketch dancefloor downstairs. We began the night on the upper level, where I actually ran into The Cop, before moving to the club level below as the night wore on.

I took down my fair share of Coors Lights and managed to black out pretty hard, but not before dancing around a pole and taking 1,000 awkward photos with my friends, including a very classy kitchen floor photo shoot with Kate.

It was definitely nice to get crazy and let loose with my friends after being so lame for all of January and February, and I feel like I'm getting back to being myself more and more every day. So, we shall see...until then, I love you all and I will be back here blogging again soon!

XOXO - Christine

(603): Soooo, I was just dumped. Via Phone. At Grand Canal. As a violinist was walking by serenading people. FML.

Well hello there friends! I haven't seen you in what, a month now? I apologize for disappearing without warning, but I desperately needed a month off to get my life together and figure out where things were going with the new boy I mentioned last time. And where did things wind up going? Say it with me now...fuckin' NOWHERE. (For the full effect, read that Bobby-style, with less bitterness and a lil more Boondock Saints.)

Yes friends, that's right, I was unceremoniously dumped this past Friday night in pretty spectacular fashion.

Which brings us to Friday night...

I got home from school around 7 and prepped myself to rage with Ali, Natasha, and Flores down at The Landing. When I finally arrived, the place (a roped in area on the aquarium pier) was packed with people I know. I immediately began double (okay, triple) fisting and having a blast with Dave, Greg, CJ, Boston Dave, Dan, Evan, Sean, Justin, Ali, Natas, Flo, and about a dozen other friends and friends of friends.

As the night went on, the group thinned out and eventually it was down to about ten of us, who decided to make the trek over to Grand Canal. Not sure if you guys remember iPhonegate 2009, but the point is that horrible things usually happen to me at Grand Canal, but I love it regardless. We began walking over, but then Dan decided that "private equity doesn't walk, private equity cabs it," so we wound up squeezing 7 of us into a cab, at which point I heard Jim's ominous ringtone (the beginning to "Shipping up the Boston").

I picked up and told him that I'd call him back when I got to the bar, which I then did from the patio out back. We talked for a half an hour or so and the conversation went from him telling me to go have fun with my friends, to me asking him what was wrong, to us breaking up and me crying at the bar. The part that makes this hilarious? Try the fact that the street violinist from my neighborhood walked by at this very moment to serenade all of the drunk couples. It was a dramatic moment fit for Lifetime, and I couldn't stop laughcrying because of it. And then...I hung up the phone, went back into the bar with a brave face on, accepted pity drinks and hugs, and danced my face off.

Post-Grand Canal, a bunch of people came back to my apartment to hang out and play some beirut until 4:30 or so. Dan and I teamed up to take on Boston Dave and his lady friend, and I honestly had the best beirut game of my life, sinking nearly every shot and finally winning it for us when we were down to one cup each and they'd hit our cup. One bounce shot later and we were clearly the champions. The night finally ended when Boston Dave broke a kitchen chair and the cold champagne ran dry.

The next morning, I talked to my best friend from high school, Catherine, for an hour or so and she gave me some really excellent perspective on the situation. Based on what I'd told her about this new relationship, it was clear to her that I liked him, but that the intensity of my liking was magnified by how well he treated me, since I haven't had that in a very, very long time. I've done a lot of thinking, and I recognize that she's absolutely right. Do I like him as a person? Absolutely. Did I cry when he ended things? Definitely. Was I mourning the loss of the constant affection as much as I was sad about him choosing to remove himself from my life? Yes, for certain, and that was the point she really drove home for me.

Anyway, midday tears and phone convos done, I Derby'd myself up and headed over to Toppers to meet my friends. If you recall, last year I actually went to the Derby and had the most amazing/awkward time of my life. This year was no different, minus the fact that instead of blacking out and awkwardly hitting on Greg, I was semi-sober and had to keep tabs on his drunk ass so he wouldn't die in the streets of Boston. Natasha wound up buying a spectacular Derby hat and we made our way over to Game On. The weather was gorgeous (somehow better than it was in Louisville itself), and we had a blast. Natasha even managed to win a prize when she bet on SuperSaver, the winning horse! It was a great time...until Ali almost choked some girl out for being a bitch. Oh Ali and her rage...

After Game On, we mosied over to Kings to meet up with Goob and Karen (Koob) for his old roomie's bday party. During said moseying, Ali was still bent out of shape about the girl in the ugly orange dress and kept threatening to serve her Boston tap water as revenge (for those of you who aren't from here, we had a massive water main break and we're not supposed to drink the water, Mexico-style). Everyone was dragging a bit while we were there, so the girls and I wound up leaving. Ali and Lauren peaced out and Natasha and I went on the longest walking tour of Charlestown ever to meet Greg at Tavern on the Water.

When we showed up, Greg was in rare form (not so rare for him) and looked like a very preppy and yet disheveled homeless man, a trend that should soon catch on and be known as "laid off day trader." He convinced us to head back to my building to hang out with the boys upstairs, which we then did. A beer later, and we were on our way to Good Life, with an incredibly racist, youtube sensation aspiring cabbie at the wheel.

Here, our group split up because several of us looked inside at the clientele and couldn't justify paying $20 a head to hang with pure sketchiness. Off to Bell we went, where Natasha "knows people" and was able to get us in without a cover, complete with an escort through the kitchen and up the back stairwell. Finally, the night was coming to a close when I got a call from BDubs. We wound up hanging out and he managed to not pee in any inappropriate locales, so that was a huge bonus.

So, in summation of my weekend:

- Friday was a shitshow (it always is when Dan and Dave are in the mix) and I still managed to have the time -and best beirut game- of my life, despite being dumped pretty spectacularly.

- Saturday night involved Game On, Kings, Tavern on the Water, my apt, Good Life, and Bell. Saturday night also involved BDubs, Greg, and many of my other favorite people. Good time = guaranteed, lack of clean water in Boston be damned.

- Today shall be full of golf (or more appropriately "whiffs" in my case) and a BBQ at Karen's in Southie. Do I have a lot of school work to do? Yes. Will it get done? Eventually. But for now, I just need to hang out with my friends and get back to being my normal, happy, single self.

So, that's where I'm at. I just want to give a huge thank you to my friends who were there for me this weekend and who stayed up with me both nights so I wouldn't have to be alone in my apartment while Kate's in Ireland. I already know that I will be fine, but that doesn't make this, or the prospect of getting back out there, any easier, especially after the awful year I've had dating-wise. Love you all, and I will be a more diligent blogger going forward now that I'm almost done with school. Okay, time for me to go lace up my golf shoes and hit the driving range with Karen, Goob, and Natas...have a wonderful Sunday afternoon everyone!

XOXO - Christine

Sorry for partying...

Hi friends!

So remember how I previously discussed my barriers to being a better blogger? And my first issue listed was the condo renovation? Well, we're slowly but surely making progress! Here are some photos from before and during the construction:

Old view from the kitchen...boo.

New view!

Which comes courtesy of the closet demo above.

Awkward bar/closet situation (don't even get me started on that decor).

Gone, along with the carpet.

I seriously can't wait until I have all of the "after" shots for you guys and everything is all beautiful and blue and white! My mom actually asked me if I seriously wanted blue everywhere, and I had to point out to her that 24 years of loving something means it's not a phase. I mean, really, talk about not knowing your child haha.

In other news, I went out this past weekend and partied my face off for Natasha's birthday.

Also in attendance were Lauren, Margaret, and many others, along with...drumroll please...a new boy I've been seeing (and some of his friends). Unfortunately for you, he knows about the blog, and he's not entirely comfortable with the idea of me talking about him here...but I will tell you this: He makes me laugh, he treats me well, and he partied like a champion with my friends this past weekend. Any guy who can hold his own while breaking it down at Bell with us gets an A+ in my book.

Alright, it's time for bed, but watch out for a post coming up regarding "Hot Tub Time Machine," which I am beyond pumped to see later this week!

XOXO - Christine

Erin Go Bragh!

Happy St. Patty's Day lovers! I hope you all had fun celebrating the holiest of holidays!

XOXO - Christine & the many Irish canines on these here internets

Happy New Year!!

Alright babies, I'm sorry, but Catherine's on her way to my apartment and there's shopping to be doone and errands to run before tonight's fabulous soiree, so the Best/Worst Life Moments of 2009 post is going to have to wait until tomorrow, when I'm experiencing my first Great Crippling Hangover of 2010. In saying goodbye to 2009, I'd like to thank you all for being wonderful, wonderful readers and I can't wait to see what the new year brings us!

Boston baby, Boston!

XOXOXOXOXO - Christine

P.S. If you're anything like I am and you need a social spotter when you go out (at all times?) so you don't drunk dial your lady doctor, your best friend's parents, and the school of the child you mentor (true story...thanks first night of junior year), then may I recommend the Don't Dial app for iPhones? See the magic at work here:So far, I've locked 34 numbers out of my phone until 8 o'clock tomorrow morning...everyone from my tailor to my extended family to my man friends, so I am now officially ready to rage. See you next year bunnies!!!!

Merry Christmas, Jersey Shore Style

Christmas has come early this year, in the form of the following Jersey Shore video. Words cannot sufficiently express the joy these kids bring to my life.

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

And on Leno...

And on Conan...Please note Snooki's stepstool...

Part 2:


Also, to see the encounter that led to Snooki getting, well, Snookied, go HERE, and to actually see the punch heard round the world, go HERE.

And just in case you want to steal my brilliant idea for Halloween...here are some inspiring tutorials on becoming properly guido-fied:

And...

Alyssa Milano's Evolution: Jersey Shore from Alyssa Milano

And, my personal gift to you...here's some gossip (via Gawker) from a woman who bumped into the whole cast (minus J-WOWW) at Marquee in NYC last night. Enjoy!

"Like an early gift from Santa himself, last night I met the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Here's how it went down. I do not regularly go to clubs, but last night my friend wanted to go to Marquee and after several rounds of drinks, who was I to say no? We go and the first thing we notice is a black pompadour sticking up over one of the couches. And next to the pomp, was a definite situation. Seated was Paulie D, The Situation, Sammi Sweetheart, Ronnie and that other one. Here's the rundown on our friends from NJ.

Snooki: In person, she's shorter and tanner than you would even dream of. She was cautious and definitely not used to "fame" yet. Her tits were HUGE and she was NOT the center of attention. I asked her to do some back hand springs and she politely refused. I asked if she planned on pursuing cheerleading professionally and she said yes.

The Situation: A total dickhead, in just the way I wanted him to be. He was too cool to speak to pretty much anyone other than the other cast members. HIS JACKET WAS VELVET! And he would not show us his abs.

Paulie D: Totally sweet. Talked to us for a while, I asked him about the scene where he turned away from that busted blonde girl and he laughed uncontrollably. I was very scared of his hair, but managed to cop a feel.

Ronnie and Sammi: Looked like they were still together, sat on the couch by themselves the entire night. In a nut shell, BORING! Oh, and Ronnie looks better on TV than in person.

The Other One: Don't know his name, but he was there.

One interesting note... Snooki and The Situation were together ALL NIGHT!! They were practically connected at the hip and I wouldn't be surprised if they are hooking up!"

And finally, in case you're not already doing so, I highly recommend that you follow our little tanned fameseekers on Twitter...like yesterday. JWOWW is @JENNIWOWW (see her website here), Snooki is @Sn00ki (where she talks about doing photo shoots with Teresa the table flipper from Real Housewives of NJ, aka my dream come true. Her website is here, and she costs $2,000 for personal appearances...which means that you can find my bday present donation fund here...kidding, sort of), Pauly D can be found at @MTVDJPaulyD, The Situation's Twitter name is, obviously, @ItsTheSituation, and as far as I can tell, Vinny, Ronnie, and Sammi don't have Twitter acounts, and Angelina might, but everyone hates her, so none of them are folliwing any @KKardashianofSeasideHeights's quite yet.

Love you all and I'll see you back here in a few days!!

XOXO - Christine

The Fast and the Furryious...

The Hangover + Furry party + YouTube sensation "Charlie Bit Me!" + childhood favorites + fast cars = One ingenious video.


And yes, if you were looking closely you saw cameos by Julia Allison (in the yellow dress), Meghan Asha (in a red dress), and, drumroll please...Justin Bobby of Hills fame (with slicked back slimeball hair, naturally).

Love it. More to come, so stay tuned.


XOXO - Christine

Adios Online Dating, it's been...fun?

6,335 views of my profile later, and I am officially done with Match.com. Thirteen minutes from now, or by the time I finish this post, it will all be over...no more coming home drunk and scoping out prospects, no more politely telling middle-aged men and guidos, "no thanks," no more going on dates with borderline alcoholics, only to have them rip shots in my bathroom or call me while riding their bikes back to the south end....no friends, thirteen minutes from now, all of this magic will be behind me.

I have to say, breaking up the homance (Bobby's newly minted term for a lady-bromance) with Match was theoretically hard, but it's also a giant relief. I don't know how much longer I could keep up with the incessant winks and emails from boys who think that we'd be perfect together because I happen to be the proud owner of a hoo-ha and appreciate the oh-so-subtle humor of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." I mean, maybe I have aggressively high standards, but I don't think it's too much to ask for a tallish, well-educated, cool guy who has some direction and can make me laugh...I'm just saying.

Things I will be more than happy to leave behind? Going on a date, coming home, and then seeing said date online scoping out new prospects later that evening. Granted I'd be doing the same thing...but somehow it's different when their "Online now!" badge is flashing in your face. And this is why I present to you my very best advice for you to successfully navigate the world of online dating whilst maintaining your sanity and standards. Also, we will be recapping what I have learned over the past 9, count 'em, 9, months. Get your pens and pencils out ladies and gents, because here we go...

Words of Wisdom:

1. When emailing someone you may be interested in, remember to reference information from their profile. Not only will it make them feel as though you're being genuine, but it will also prevent you from the pain and humiliation of this exchange. Also, spelling and grammar count, especially if you're over the age of 18 and/or have managed to obtain your high school diploma or the equivalent.

2. DO post presentable photos of yourself. If you would feel more comfortable maintaining your current look, perhaps you would feel more comfortable joining a dating/Lord of the Rings roleplaying community for fellow hippie elves.

3. If you're only looking for sexy times, please direct your attention to adult friend finder and leave me alone. It's fine if your idea of a dream date would be "dinner, movie, and a good time back at her place," but please, have some tact.

4. If you know that someone's not right for you, don't feel the need to get involved. Just press the "no thanks" button, and move on. There's no use wasting your time or theirs on something that's not going anywhere.

5. Wait an email or two before letting your freak flag fly, DON'T just put it all out there for your friends and coworkers to stumble across and then blog about, with accompanying illustrations.

6. Don't be sketch when you finally meet someone. It may go well at first, and they may think your drunkeness is endearing, but eventually they will find the bottle of orange vodka you hid in the bathroom and they will not be pleased.

7. DO be creative with date ideas! The best dates are fun, interesting, and flow organically. Dinner and a blockbuster can be a good time, but more often than not it should be Plan B, not A.

8. There's no blogpost to go with this, but after a date, wait 24 hours, or at least until morning, before logging in to your account. Otherwise, the other party is bound to think you're not interested or at least feel the sting of post-date rejection even more strongly. It's just a good policy to have because it works in reverse as well. Karma people, karma.

9. Speaking of karma, boys and girls, please quit it with the disappearing acts! I know I've done it to my fair share of online paramours, and that makes me hugely hypocritical, but I've since recognized the error of my ways and have realized that next time I'm tempted to do this, I just need to grow a pair and use my words. If you've given someone your number, or gone on a date with them, I think it's only right to let them know that it's not going to work out as soon as you can find a solid, sugar-coated reason, so they don't spend the rest of the week sitting around waiting for a phone call that will never come, because it's just depressing when I put it that way, isn't it?

10. It goes without saying, but please DON'T be any of these people.

And a bonus for good luck...

11. More than anything else, remember to get out there, have fun, and be safe!

And now, positive recap time. We all know what I have lost via Match.com (time, money, dignity), but what have I gained?

1. Laughter, and awkward stories, which are simply priceless.

2. A lasting and committed love for all things Kings of Leon (thanks to the boy who threw a temper tantrum) and The Script (thanks to last week's concert date) as well as a passing interest in Wilco (Drunk Date).

3. A keen eye for observation, thanks to the balding 23-year old I went out with. Baseball hats in every photo? Fool me once, shame on me...

4. A stronger sense of self and the things I want/need in life and in a guy.

5. And, in all honestly, the most important thing I've gained is a deeper appreciation of my friends, who have been there from every, "oooh look at this guy!" to each, "ugh, he was awful/drunk/balding!" Without you guys, and my faithful readers, I would've pulled an Alexa Ray Joel long ago (too soon?)...kidding, but seriously, I love you guys.

To the men of Match.com, thanks for the laughs; it's been quite the ride.

And now, I pass the online dating torch to my dear friend Lee (the same one who sent me the Jersey Shore Nickname generator earlier today), and I wish her the best of luck in her search for a decent man to call her own.

Stay tuned kids, more to come later this week.

XOXO - Christine