"You can't keep US down...anymore."

Happy Friday bitches:




XOXO - Christine

Who's that driving? Patrick Swayze!

Still one of the funnier things I've found on these here interwebs, and not just because I know the kid in front wearing the goggles:



Enjoy! More updates coming soon, specifically regarding my past few weekends and mah bday!

XOXO - Christine

In Preparation for Trick or Drink 2009...

Oh friends, it's that time of year again...that time of year when girls get their whore on and boys live out their latent fantasies for one sacred evening. In the spirit of this tradition, here are some photos from last year's Trick or Drink:

Our apartment last year. We were stop #4 and served "Blackout Punch," which glowed under the blacklight, thanks to an infusion of tonic water!

Chuck Bass, obviously.

Kissing Booth, The Hamburglar, and Free Mustache Rides!

Teague as McLovin!

Boobs, enough said.

The girls and I were a bachelorette party (my theoretically phenomenal idea). Anna was our beautiful bride-to-be, and apparently our costumes were soooo good that everyone thought we were a legit bachelorette party...come one people, it's Halloween, use your brains!

Jenn's boyfriend, the coordinator of Trick or Drink, was a rock, and his roommates were paper and scissors. Such a great DIY idea!

Anna, making moves on the self-proclaimed "gay pirate." By the end of the night, I'm pretty sure I was able to convince him that his leopard stretch pants and plastic bone made him more suited to be a gay caveman. Also, not the handy nipple holes in that very fashionable silk shirt. Very chic.

Nothing says party like a sheep holding you up to do a kegstand...Dorsh, Karen, and Praski as an 80's skier, a Giants' player, and an Oompa Loompa.

Leah, using her friend Pablo as a drinking apparatus.

Leah, the day laborer.

Praski managed to gank Leah's lover, Pablo, and eat many tostitos out of his back opening. That sounds wrong on so many levels, and trust me, it totally was haha.

Karen and Ali the Giants' players and Charlie as Winnie the Pooh.

Ali making some moves on Greenman.

Dear Ali, this photo makes me glad I dipped my pen in your ink, bro.

Greenman was irresistable!

Ahahahahaha. I love my friends.

Shockingly enough, these are dance moves.

The death of Pedro/fighting over the gay pirate's bone.

Fighting an actual pirate for the gay pirate's bone.

Aggression duly noted.

Pretty much under the house to get that bone. This is why "naughty" Halloween costumes are overrated.

Alright lovers, that's about all I have for the moment...more to come this week, especially since MY 24TH BIRTHDAY is on Wednesday!!!

XOXO - Christine

I just died a little inside watching this...

Probably the cutest shit I've ever seen. You may want to save this one for a Monday pick-me-up.

Beagle Puppy Attacks Rottweiler - watch more funny videos

I need to get Bradydog back to Boston ASAP; I'm suffering major cuteness withdrawal!

Happy Friday friendlies!!!

XOXO - Christine

Time to revisit childhood...

Before watching the following videos, make sure someone passes you a blunt, a bong, a bowl, or a weed inhaling contraption of any kind really, because I just discovered the best shit EVER. Shy of "Endless Summer" or any other extreme sports movie montage, this will now be your go-to getting high video selection. Ready? Here we go...

Law and Order: Special Letters Unit

I'm already picturing myself getting high and shouting, "THERE, RIGHT BEHIND YOU! NO, NO, HE'S WEARING A MOUSTACHE! OH, THANK GOD..." I will be that black person in the movie theater yelling, "DON'T YOU GO UP THOSE STAIRS!" at the girl in the horror movie, except that I will be white, and curled up on the edge of my couch in my empty apartment, shrieking at fuzzy, life-sized letters.

RSI: Rhyme Scene Investigation

Next time your "CSI: Miami" drinking game feels stale, turn to "Rhyme Scene Investigation" for an infusion of fun and laughter.

LL Cool J goes on an "Addition Expedition"

Apparently, rapping and performing basic addition are not mutually exclusive skills after all!

Jack Black Defines "Octagon"

Dear god I hope he was high when he shot this.

And, the best Sesame Street video ever?

Try NPH as a shoe fairy. No, really...

LOVE IT.

More to come. Night kids!

XOXO - Christine

Well, at least I'm not THIS guy...

Oh friends, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a "hot minute," as the semi-pro paintball player I used to bang would say, but my life has been a bit of a mess lately. Luckily, I have friends who understand and know all the right questions to ask...exhibit A:

Me: Ugh, my life is in shambles.
Lee: Alcohol shambles, or real shambles?
Me: Hmmm, I'm going with alcohol shambles...

On that note, please enjoy this video of a man whose life is in more shambles than mine...at least I hope so haha:

Blame It On The Alcohol - watch more funny videos

Until next time...

XOXO - Christine

iPhonegate 2009

Oh bunnies....it's about time I tell you all about the Great iPhone Ganking of 2009.

Ready? Here goes:

The weekend before last, I went to my friend Jill's birthday party and got retardedly drunk during the pregaming portion of the evening. By the time we got to the bar (Grand Canal), I was entering tunnel vision mode, which is usually a precursor to Blackout Boulevard. In order for this story to make the most sense, I should probs explain the layout of the place before going any further...

So, you walk in the front door of the Grand Canal, and you are suddenly in the midst of a throng of people. Directly in front of you, there is a bar that runs the length of the wall, and to your left there is a small stage with a band playing obscenely loud Bruce Springsteen and other shit I don't like. To your right, there are the kind of stairs that they have in split-level houses. Eight steps go up to a loft where they host private parties, and eight other steps take you down into a cozy little mini bar area with a few high top tables and a big, built, and beefy half-black bartender named Rewell.

Now, being drunk me, I of course sidled up to the empty bar downstairs, ordered myself two Coronas, and used my wily ways to convince my dearest Rewell to put the limes in the bottles for me (because my little thumbs are just sooo small and the lime always squirts in my face! God I love far-too-obvious innuendo). After tipping him generously (with money, not smiles*), I roamed around and hung out with my friends for a bit. Eventually, I drained both bottles and returned to Bar Rewell just in time to collect on the drink that one of my guy friends owed me. Sadly, my lover didn't know said drink was for me, and hadn't used his big, manly hands to force the lime into the bottle...for SHAME.

Upon seeing this, I strutted my shit back up to the bar in an attempt to flirt a little more with my future boo. Unfortunately, the guy at the table next to where I was standing didn't recognize the love vibes in the air, and turning to me, asked, "UH, are you just trying to talk to me?" The answer was obvs no, but he and his friends were sufficiently attractive, so I wound up befriending them and introducing them to my group of girls. Pretty sure I facilitated some sloppy makeouts that night, so high five to me.

Anyway, at some point during this fab meet and greet, the following convo ensued:

Me: Hey, it's my friend's birthday tonight (pointing to Jill), do you think we can get behind the bar for a photo or two?
Jill: Yeah, fun!
Rewell: Sure you can, come on back.
Diana (who was sloppy.com): I WILL PAY YOU TWWEENNTTYY DOLLARS FOR A PHO-TO BEHIND THIS BAR!
Me: Yeah, Di, you should get in it too so we can use it for our bday picture!
Diana: OF COURSE I'M GETTING IN THE PHOTO, I JUST PAID TWEENNNNTY DOLLARS FOR IT!!
Me: Haha, okay, whatever.

A photo shoot followed, and I'm pretty sure (I hope?) that Rewell refused the $20. My man cannot be bought!!

As the night went on, things just got sloppier. At one point, this kind of cute, and yet slightly trashy, guy and his awkward friend started talking to me by the bar (right in front of my lovah!), but I let it happen. A few minutes into our compelling chat, Diana stormed up to me and yelled, "THE BARTENDER WON'T GIVE ME FREE DRINKS!!! WHY NOT!??"

I told her to chill and that I'd see what was going on with mah boo. Actual convo:

Me: So, my friend is demanding free drinks. Can you just give her a Vodka Tonic, make it look free, and I'll pay you in like ten minutes?
Rewell: Haha, bitches (as in females) always want free drinks! Here you go.

Crisis averted, I gave Di her drink, talked to the Trashy Twins for a bit longer, and slowly made my way back across the bar to give Rewell some cash moneys. I must have blacked out for a minute or two, because the next thing I knew, I was standing there with my bag and another Corona in front of me, a pile of dolla dolla bills in my hand, and no wallet to be seen. Immediately, I turned to the Trashtacular Twosome and said, "Look guys, if you have my wallet, just give it to me, I won't care!" Of course, the negatively attractive one spotted it on the floor behind me, and I had to spend the next fifteen minutes apologizing my ass off for accusing them of ganking my shit...but only after I gave Rewell a napkin with my number and a crude drawing of my wallet on it, complete with instructions to call me if he found it, or you know, "just to chat." God I'm awkward. On the good news front? My drink and Di's Vodka Tonic were both on the house! Flirting WIN!

Anyway, I continued to talk to the trashmonsters, because I felt AWFUL, but then the cuter one started to make moves...the kind of moves I would have been into had he been 6'2" and blonde, but not so much in his case. So, I did what any normal girl would do...I made up an overly elaborate backstory about how I would TOTALLY be interested in him, except that I had recently begun dating the bartender and didn't want to hit on other boys right in front of him. I then telepathically (and later, verbally) informed my future baby daddy of said plan, and we had several fleeting moments of eye contact and even a mini heart-to-heart by the dishwasher while I was pretending to whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Suffice it to say, the plan was a hit...until the bar was about to close and I realized that within the ten minutes prior, SOMEONE STOLE MY MOTHERFUCKING IPHONE.

I ran around the bar searching for it and bawling my little eyes out, probably looking like an insane person and completely repulsing my, by then, long lost lover. While desperately calling my phone from Erin's, I ran into the Trashy Twins again upstairs. I told them what had happened, and the cute one looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Well, at least you know that we don't have it, haha."

EXCEPT THAT THEY TOTALLY MUST. Literally no one else was near me during the ten minute window in which it was tanged. I'm approximately 96% positive that they saw their opportunity to enact revenge on my reject-y ways and took it. Those little BITCHES!

Epilogue: Rewell and I failed to consummate our love, I wasted my big bday present on a new iPhone, and my parents yelled at my for several hours about the meaning of the word, "responsibility." F. My. Life.

Blerg.

Alright, that's it for the moment my friendlies! Good luck out there, and mind your phones!! And, if you are a sloppy drunk or an iPhone owner (like this girl), buy MobileMe ASAP, turn on the "Find My iPhone" feature, and set up a passcode lock so no one can turn this feature off. This is literally the only chance you have of getting your phone back if something like this happens to you. Also, it's kind of awesome because you can track your iPhone's whereabouts on me.com. So, maybe don't use a password that your stalker could easily decode...but otherwise, enjoy!

XOXO - Christine

*This joke will only be understood by people who have seen "Couples Retreat," which btdubs, was hilarious.

Texting your way to love...

This video is incredible...and a pretty accurate window into my life, minus the cat, the ginger hair, and the horrendous use of emoticons. Thanks to Anna who sent this to our group of friends forever ago, and thanks to the TFLN facebook fan page, which reminded me of it's existence. Enjoy...



Best quotation: "Scientific studies show that it's physically impossible for a girl not to go to an 80's party." To that, I say, "FACT."

Topics I shall be discussing this week: iPhonegate 2009, my date with the lawyer, my life the joke, my weekend in Vermont, my TWO Halloween costumes, and any other fun things I can come up with...get excited!

XOXO - Christine

FOUND: DRANK...shit yes!!

Hello my bunnies!! I hope you all had spectacular weekends! I just returned from a fun time in Vermont with Ali (post to follow), and discovered an email from a reader named Ryan regarding my post about the magical new beverage called, "DRANK."

Here is his [lightly edited] email:

"I'm not sure if anyone has replied to your blog about Drank yet, but I thought I would try and help you find it and give you my opinion on it.

I actually love Drank. I drink it on days where I feel like either relaxing or just wanna calm down. I wouldn't call it a substitute for weed though. Drugs are always different for each person but Drank really only calms you down but without any kind of high. I even drank 2 in a row and it had the same effect. I think the only real drawbacks are the pricing and the tolerance you build. I have been to different places that sell Drank and it goes anywhere from 2.25 to about 5 dollars per can in new Mexico. I think since its so new that kids don't know what the stuff is worth. The tolerance though is cause of the melotonin in it. I take melotonin pills whenever I can't sleep and I know if I do it too often I start getting insomnia and need higher doses of it but since I only drink Drank once a week or so its not too bad. Drank(from what I hear) has cough syrup in it which is where the color and the opiate effects are from. I'm not sure on the tolerance build of cough syrup.

Now as for getting Drank, I first discovered it at a local smoke shop. The guy behind the counter was telling us about it because his boss said he wasn't allowed to drink it at work. That struck some interest so of course he tried it at work. He said for the next 5 hours he sat in the chair lazy as hell and didn't wanna get up. He also made it clear not to drive after drinking it which I have done anyway on separate occasions despite his warning. The guy was an easy 6'2" 240 pounds and one can hit him hard which I found amazing and it is very obvious he's a stoner. So your best bet to finding a Drank would be a smoke shop or maybe certain gas stations."

In summation: DRANK = best invention of all time, and I will have to venture to a sketchy smoke shop to find it. Can't wait!!

Thanks Ryan and thanks for reading everyone!!

XOXO - Christine

And now for something different...

So, I know my posts are usually about my joke of a life and all of the crazy things I encounter on these here interwebs, but I recently came across this video from "Ukraine's Got Talent" and I would feel completely remiss if I didn't share it with you.

Here's the info from Youtube, followed by the incredible video:
Kseniya Simonova is a Ukrainian artist who just won "Ukraine's Got Talent." She uses a giant light box, dramatic music, imagination, and "sand painting" skills to interpret Germany's invasion and occupation of Ukraine during WWII.



More to come, including a play by play of iPhonegate 2009!

XOXO - Christine

Kevin Keller: FunnyorDie.com Sensation

Hey bunnies, though I love you all DEARLY, I am far too drained to post any fabulous life updates tonight. And thus, I give you "Kevin Keller," a video made by one of my high school friends for a recent FunnyorDie.com contest:

Kevin Keller - watch more funny videos

Unfortunately, his video lost by a measly 29 votes to the following video, but it's hilarious nonetheless:

Barely Legal Paralegal - watch more funny videos

And as a bonus, here's my favorite video from this week's Funny or Die contest...you'll, um, see why...you know, minus the Crisco, foot licking, and ass play:

The Pinky Song - watch more funny videos

Vote HERE!

Alright, time for this girl to go to bed...more to come tomorrow!

XOXO - Christine

Another cray-zee bitch...

Oh god. Back story: Boy has girlfriend. Boy tells girlfriend repeatedly that he is heading to Europe for two weeks. Girlfriend doesn't listen and subsequently freaks the fuck out when Boy fails to reply to her flurry of texts and emails. Girlfriend realizes that she is a dumbass. Boy dumps her anyway. This video doesn't require sound. Enjoy:



And now I'm going to run around town like a smug motherfucker, because I am nowhere near as insane as this chick or Amanda from yesterday's post. Success!

Hope you all have fabulous Fridays!

XOXO - Christine