I Love My Friends - Part Deux

The following is a fb chat I just had with another one of my guy friends regarding the awkwardness that is my life (and his too):

BR: Hey you

Me:  Hey, what's up?

BR:  Not too much, how's everything these days?

Me:  In response to the disaster that was my weekend at school, and at the insistence of my two friends who are on JDate, I have joined Match.com and am on a crash diet.

BR:  ah, how exciting

Me:  500 calories a day is NOT enough to sustain me while I spend my days browsing the profiles of eligible Bostonians!!

BR:  Haha

Me:  I have gotten a lot of messages and winks, but I refuse to respond to winks.

BR:  Hahaha

Me:  You're already behind the veil of anonymity people!  Man up and use your words to send a girl an e-mail!  Winking is a ploy to get girls to make the first move and I'm just not having it.

-Insert agreement and topic change-

Me:  So how's life for you?  Are you and [redacted] done for good?

BR:  Well, we broke up around x-mas, but we've hooked up a few times since then.

Me:  During one of those hook-ups, did you turn to her and ask how it felt to be fucking the future leader of the free world? Because that's what my mildly gay ex (aka MGE) did to me when we banged it out post-break up.  

BR:  Haha, can't say I've ever said that...

Me:  Yup, and afterwards he said that he needed his sleep because he was going on a mission for the CIA in the morning.  

BR:  Wow, that's kind of strange.

Me:  This was Doghead two years ago.  It all started because he told me I looked like a whore for wearing green glitter, and I told him that everyone thought he was gay, so he should have glitter everywhere.

-Insert another topic change-

Me:  So, any potential lady friends up there?

BR:  Well, I hooked up with this one girl last weekend and she was like, "do you want to have sex" and I said, "no I want to go to sleep," and she said, "no, we are having sex."  And then she took advantage of me.

Me:  Haha OMG sketch central.

BR:  I know, right?

Me:  How drunk was she?

BR:  She was drunk, and what was funny is that she was normal with the lights on, but when she turned them off?  Oh god she was a freak!  

Me:  Hahaha YESS.

BR:  I woke up the next morning with scratches down my back.

Me:  Haha, that's awesome.

BR:  Yeah, I needed a break after that.  But there are a few I'm working on now, so I'll let you know how that goes...

Me:  Niiice.  I'm totally blogging this BTW.  What should I call the post?  

Me:  "Rough sex, make it hurt" is just so obvious.

BR:  Hahaha

Me:  For reals though, any input?  I think I'm having a bit of writer's block...probably due to the fact that I'm malnourished.

BR:  Haha, true.